Smoking Tweets From The Loon

i've referenced the loon over at phil mcgraw's web site several times.  the loon i am referring to is the one who is so disturbed as to think herself a member of dr. philly-poo's family -- his actual family and his extended one on television.  for all i know, she's cast herself as oprah's long lost older sister.

i've been posting some over there in support of a friend and also have been getting some general pleasure out of it, meeting some new people, renewing old friendships.

someone put the old bug in my ear... and i discover that now the loon is blaming my temporary use of an avatar depicting a "jaundiced eye" as a purposeful planting of an "evil eye" -- that subsequently caused her stress, enough stress to bring on a case of psychogenic bell's palsy.

i know that giving her the attention she is craving doesn't help matters. but it keeps my brains from splattering all over the ceiling.  i threw her a bone a while back, admitting to being her personal bully, but you know what?  i lied.  i bully what she represents -- narcissism, racism, classism, an elitism not natural but cultivated, like a perfect pearl.  she's not any more mentally ill than most of us -- she is the embodiment of the munchausen syndrome, but the good baron's malady aimed at society at large.  well, and at me.

if i had the power to inflict anything upon her via my choice of twitter or fake-ass mcgraw's website avatars, trust me, i'd not choose mamby-pamby bell's palsy.  maybe psyche-crippling humility, maybe droplets of hot wax on the pollyanna backdrop of her honeyed bullshit... but no, not bell's palsy.  that's like giving permission to a bilge machine to keep on churning out that goddamn bilge.

so thanks be to god that my avatars are not imbued with powers of any sort.  at present, for twitter purposes, i am using this mesmerizing placard as evil avatar:



anyway, may it please the court, here are the smoking tweets. to wit to woo:


30 Oct THE LOON
@DrPhil Do anti-bully pledge show for ALL who watch UR show & are members of UR website. Bullied online by Dr. Phil Website members twice...


30 Oct THE LOON
@DrPhil Too, request moderators to notice odd profile pictures chosen by bullies. Commonality of bullies is to choose "Evil Eye" profile pic


30 Oct THE LOON
@DrPhil One person bullying me online THREE YEARS chose "evil eye" profile pic on UR website. Due to stress got Bell's Palsy October 5, 2012


30 Oct THE LOON
@DrPhil After I blocked bully here immediately stalked me to UR website sporting "evil eye" pic. Bullies often use pics etc. to bully online


30 Oct THE LOON
@DrPhil Same bully who stalked me to URwebsite SUM2012 put mean note on my youtube Bday video did for U. UR staff asked for Bday videos 2010

ADDENDUM:  Thursday, 15 November 2012 -- I feel obliged, given my superpowers as expressed by my profile picture over at Twitter, to report that I have changed it once again.  Mwa mwa ha ha!  There is, however, once again, an "eye" connection, but one that you'd not discern without this freely given confession.  It's a photo taken by one of my brothers of my grandfather.  He, like me, went blind from glaucoma. (I exaggerate, I'm not blind yet.  Granddaddy, however, was blind as a bat.)  Still, he knew his land so well that he could check on every crop, every tree, every bird feeder, even sightless.  Of course, he also once fired a gun at his brother-in-law -- who was so obnoxious that not too many people got upset about it.  More importantly, he missed.  Then, too, there was the terrifying spectacle of him mowing his full acre front lawn... on a riding mower.  In this photo, he was checking, I suppose, whether the tree needed pruning -- which he'd likely accomplish with a freaking machete.  But the bottom line, here, is that despite the leitmotif of THE EYE reoccuring... this is just a picture of an old man I loved:

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     

oddly enough, my first use of the jaundiced eye image was in a post called "Internet Con Artists: A Cautionary Tale."

15 to 20 minutes

i so wish i could say things were looking up.  actually, *i* am looking up, as i am all scrunched down in the bed, with my neck in an oh-so-comfy perpendicular formation... which, yes, i will fix in a minute.  sadly, stuff like that requires lots of effort.

oh, poor moi!

i feel a strong need to get to a neurologist and soon.  the crps dystonia, aka the screaming ninnies, have returned, damn each spasm to hell.  but what scares me, terrifies me, is the first 15-20 minutes of it.  it must fire or trigger in an area of my brain in charge of emotion and impulsiveness.  i don't even know if such a segmented brain area exists.  but in those first minutes, i come perilously close to committing suicide.

not kidding.

if i can make it through, and obviously, thus far i have, those 15-20 minutes, i'm okay.  or at least not suicidal.  i used to be full of gratitude and relief.  now, it's more like, "well, damn... still here."

it's clearly neurological and not "emotional."

i tell myself:  "come on, it's just a few minutes..." i tell myself:  "the meds will kick in, the spasms will ease up, nothing has really changed." i tell myself:  "if only i had a gun, i could end this."

tuesday, when they had to call 911 at the infectious disease dood's office, i got hit with total body spasms, but couldn't let anyone touch me.  i remember doing wheelies with the wheelchair and yelling, over and over, "what am i going to do?  what am i going to do?"  this really sweet, but slightly (okay, extremely) weird infusion nurse kept grabbing me by the non-existent shoulder and that actually kept me going, i believe.  it hurt so bad, and it kept me so busy snarling at her ("don't touch me, don't touch me" -- to which her everlovin' reply was, "oh, god, i did it again, i am so sorry, it's just the nurse in me!" grrrrrrrrr...) that it kept my BP up and me alive.

forget my near 104 spike in temp, my BP did some funky, scary stuff.  200/100 for a good while.  then, they said i got all pasty pale and it began readings like 150/25, 145/30 over and over again.  what does that mean?

and my brain HURT.  fred helpfully pointed out that it was not, technically, my brain that hurt, as it was incapable of doing so.  i tried to reach fred with the business end of my cane, no luck.

so... can youse dear readers understand a little hypochondriasis over the state of my brain when my exquisite body goes dystonic?

i have tried to put together some things to help me through the 15-20 minute of please-slay-me, slay-me-now.  these include:

playing mahjong
trying to stand and walk
getting into the chair and going anywhere
distributing treats to the felines
doing a swan dive from the computer turret into the least algae covered area of the moat
calling a creditor and promising to pay in full
my nephew adrean, whom i've never met, managed to break his arm in two spots... so i think about him.
my other nephew john, whom  i've also never met, writes keen emails, so sometimes i compose answers.
the ManorFest 2012 labyrinth has developed some humongous holes in its otherwise pristine english boxwood density, so i dream up solutions to that pressing problem (they could be archery stations, or maybe beanbag toss spots?)
i pick things up so that i can drop them, and pick them up, so that i can drop them.

well, one mission accomplished: by writing this, i've made the big hand move on the clock to the time where i'm supposed to run in the last antibiotic of the day.  so... excuse moi while i go do that.

thanks for getting me through this quarter hour.