Sunday, December 16, 2012

orryvoyer:: to stem the endless tide::orryvoyer


as the shell casings of dead children, educators, and gunman -- today of newtown, connecticut -- ricocheted around my brain, my hands strayed over the bookcases, and landed here. another occasion to contribute to the ruination of copyright protections.  i don't think white would have minded, much. if you're unfamiliar with his Book of Merlyn, please, go and buy a copy.


here is the wikipedia "plot summary":  
The book opens as King Arthur prepares himself for his final battle. Merlyn reappears to complete Arthur's education and discover the cause of wars. As he did in The Sword in the Stone, Merlyn again demonstrates ethics and politics to Arthur by transforming him into various animals.

The last chapter of the book takes place only hours before the final battle between King Arthur and his son and nephew Mordred. Arthur does not want to fight after everything that he has learned from Merlyn. He makes a deal with Mordred to split England in half. Mordred accepts. During the making of this deal, a snake comes upon one of Mordred's soldiers. The soldier draws his sword. The opposing side, unaware of the snake, takes this as an act of betrayal. Arthur's troops attack Mordred's, and both Arthur and Mordred die in the battle that follows.


Guenever joins a convent, and remains there till death. Lancelot becomes a hermit and dies a hermit. His last miracle was making the room that he died in smell like heaven.








"Mv FATHER made me a wooden castle big enough to get into, and he fixed real pistol barrels beneath its battlements to fire a salute on my birthday, but made me sit in front the first night—that deep Indian night—to receive the salute, and 1, believing I was to be shot, cried."
Throughout his life White was subject to fears: fears from without—a menacing
psychopathic mother, the prefects at Cheltenham College "rattling their canes," poverty, tuberculosis, public opinion; fears from within—fear of being afraid, of being a failure, of being trapped. He was afraid of death, afraid of the dark. He was afraid of his own proclivities, which might be called vices: drink, boys, a latent sadism. Notably free from fearing God, he was basically afraid of the human race. His life was a running battle with these fears, which he fought with courage, levity, sardonic wit, and industry
. -- Prologue, Sylvia Townsend Warner




The magician stood up, looking at his ancient pupil in perplexity. He twisted his beard into
several rat tails, put the corners in his mouth, twirled his moustachios, and cracked his finger
joints. He was frightened of what he had done to the king, feeling as if he were trying to
revive a drowned man with artificial respiration, who was nearly too far gone. But he was not
ashamed. When you are a scientist you must press on without remorse, following the only
thing of any importance, Truth.

Later he asked quietly, as if he were calling somebody who was asleep: "Wart?"

There was no reply.

"King?"

The bitter answer was: "Le roy s'advisera."

It was worse than he had feared. He sat down, took the limp hand, and began to wheedle.

"One more try," he asked. "We are not quite done."

"What is the use of trying?"

"It is a thing which people do."

"People are dupes, then."

The old fellow replied frankly: "People are dupes, and wicked too. That is what makes it
interesting to get them better."

His victim opened his eyes, but closed them wearily.

"The thing which you were thinking about before I came, king, was true. I mean about
Homo ferox. But hawks are ferae naturae also: that is their interest."

The eyes remained closed.

"The thing which you were thinking about... about people being machines: that was
not true. Or, if it is true, it does not signify. For if we are all machines ourselves, then there
are none to bother about."

"I see."




homo ferox, The Book of Merlyn, T.H. White




"We know the objections," he said. "The idea that it is useful might be considered a little
more. If there is some necessity for Might, why is the committee ready to stop it?"

"Sir, the committee is attempting to trace the physiological basis, possibly of a pituitary or
adrenal origin. Possibly the human system requires periodical doses of adrenalin, in order
to remain healthy. (The Japanese, as an instance of glandular activity, are said to eat large
quantities offish, which, by charging their bodies with iodine, expands their thyroids and
makes them touchy.) Until this matter has been properly investigated the subject remains
vague, but the committee desires to point out that the physiological need could be supplied
by other means. War, it has already been observed, is an inefficient way of keeping down
the population: it may also be an inefficient way of stimulating the adrenal glands through
fear."

"What other ways?"

"Under the Roman Empire, the experiment of offering bloody spectacles in the circus was
attempted as a substitute. They provided the Purgation which Aristotle talks about, and some such alternative might be found efficient.  Science, however, would suggest more radical cures. Either the glandular deficiency might be supplied by periodical injections of the whole population with adrenalin—or with whatever the deficiency may prove to be—or else some form of surgery might be found effective.  Perhaps the root of war is removable, like the appendix."

"We were told that war is caused by National Property: now we are told that it is due to a
gland."

"Sir, the two things may be related, though they may not be consequent upon one another.
For instance, if wars were solely due to national property, we should expect them to continue
without intermission so long as national property continued: that is, all the time. We find,
however, that they are interrupted by frequent lulls, called Peace, It seems as if the human
race becomes more and more comatose during these periods of truce, until, when what you
may call the saturation-point of adrenalin deficiency has been reached, it seizes upon the first handy excuse for a good shot of fear-stimulant. The handy excuse is national property.
Even if the wars are dolled up as religious ones, such as crusades against Saladin or the
Albigensians or Montezuma, the basis remains the same. Nobody would have troubled to
extend the benefits of Christianity to Montezuma, if his sandals had not been made of gold,
and nobody would have thought the gold itself a sufficient temptation, if they had not been
needing a dose of adrenalin."

"You suggest an alternative like the circus, pending the investigation of your gland. Have you
considered it?"

Archimedes giggled unexpectedly.

"Merlyn wants to have an international fair, Sir. He wants to have a lot of flip-flaps and giant
wheels and scenic railways in a reservation, and they are all to be slightly dangerous, so as
to kill perhaps one man in a hundred. Entrance is to be voluntary, for he says that the one
unutterably wicked thing about a war is conscription. He says that people will go to the fair of
their own freewill, through boredom or through adrenalin deficiency or whatever it is, and that
they are likely to feel the need for it during their twenty-fifth, thirtieth, and forty-fifth years. It is
to be made fashionable and glorious to go. Every visitor will get a commemorative medal,
while those who go fifty times will get what he calls the D.S.O. or the V.C. for a hundred
visits."

The magician looked ashamed and cracked his fingers.

"The suggestion," he said humbly, "was more to provide thought, than to be thought of."

"Certainly it does not seem a practical suggestion for the present year of grace. Are there
no panaceas for war, which could be used in the meantime?"

"The committee has suggested an antidote which might have a temporary effect, like soda
for an acid stomach. It would be of no use as a cure for the malady, though it might alleviate
it. It might save a few million lives in a century."

"What is this antidote?'

"Sir, you will have noticed that the people who are responsible for the declaration and the
higher conduct of wars do not tend to be the people who endure their extremes. At the battle
of Bedegraine Your Majesty dealt with something of the same sort. The kings and the
generals and the leaders of battles have a peculiar aptitude for not being killed in them. The
committee has suggested that, after every war, all the officials on the losing side who held a
higher rank than colonel ought to be executed out of hand, irrespective of their war-guilt. No
doubt there would be a certain amount of injustice in this measure, but the consciousness
that death was the certain result of losing a war would have a deterrent effect on those who
help to promote and to regulate such engagements, and it might, by preventing a few wars,
save millions of lives among the lower classes. Even a Fiihrer like Mordred might think twice
about heading hostilities, if he knew that his own execution would be the result of being
unlucky in them."

"It seems reasonable."

"It is less reasonable than it seems, partly because the responsibility for warfare does not lie
wholly with the leaders. After all, a leader has to be chosen or accepted by those whom he
leads. The hydra-headed multitudes are not so innocent as they like to pretend. They have
given a mandate to their generals, and they must abide by the moral responsibility."

"Still, it would have the effect of making the leaders reluctant to be pushed into warfare by
their followers, and even that would help."

"It would help. The difficulty would lie in persuading the leading classes to agree to such a convention in the first place. Also, I am afraid that you will find there is always a type of maniac, anxious for notoriety at any price, or even for martyrdom, who would accept the pomp of leadership with even greater alacrity because it was enhanced by melodramatic penalties. The kings of Irish mythology were compelled by their station to march in the forefront of the battle, which occasioned a frightful mortality among them, yet there never seems to have been a lack of kings or battles in the history of the Green Isle."

"What about this new-fangled Law," asked the goat suddenly, "which our king has been
inventing? If individuals can be deterred from murder by fear of a death penalty, why cannot
there be an international law, under which nations can be deterred from war by similar
means? An aggressive nation might be kept at peace by the knowledge that, if it began a
war, some international police force would sentence it to dispersal, by mass transportation
to other countries for instance."

"There are two objections to that. First, you would be trying to cure the disease, not to
prevent it. Second, we know from experience that the existence of a death penalty does not
in fact abolish murder. It might, however, prove to be a temporary step in the right direction."

The old man folded his hands in his sleeves, like a Chinaman, and looked round the council
table, doggedly, waiting for further questions. His eyes had begun to discharge their watch.

"He has been writing a book called the Ubellus Merlini, the Prophecies of Merlyn," continued Archimedes wickedly, when he saw that this subject had been concluded, "which he had intended to read aloud to Your Majesty, as soon as you arrived."

"We will hear a reading."

Merlyn wrung his hands.

"Sir," he said. "It is mere fortune-telling, only gypsy tricks. It had to be written because there
was a good deal of fuss about it in the twelfth century, after which we are to lose sight of it
until the twentieth. But, oh Sir, it is merely a parlour game—not worth Your Majesty's
attention at present."

"Read me some part of it, none the less."

So the humiliated scientist, all of whose quips and quiddities had been knocked out of him
in the last hour, fetched the burnt manuscript from the fender and handed round a collection
of such slips as were still legible, as if it had been a parlour game in earnest. The animals
read them out in turn, like mottos from crackers, and this is what they said:

"God will provide, the Dodo will remark."

'The Bear will cure his headache by cutting off his head—but it will leave him with a sore
behind."

"The Lion will lie down with the Eagle, saying, At last all the animals are united! But the Devil
will see the joke."

"The Stars which taught the Sun to rise must agree with him at noon—or vanish."

"A child standing in Broadway will cry, Look mother, there is a man!"

"How long it takes to build Jerusalem, the spider will say, pausing exhausted at his web on
the ground floor of the Empire State Building."

"Living-space leads to space for the coffin, observed the Beetle."

"Force makes force."

"Wars of community, county, country, creed, continent, colour. After that the hand of God, if
not before."

"Imitation before action will save mankind."

"The Elk died because it grew its horns too big."

"No collision with the moon was required to exterminate the Mammoth."

"The destiny of all species is extinction as such, fortunately for them."

There was a pause after the last motto, while the listeners thought them over.

"What is the meaning of the one with the Greek word?"

"Sir, a part of its meaning, but only a small part, is that the one hope for our human race
must lie in education without coercion. Confucius has it that: In order to propagate virtue to the world, onemust first rule one's country. In order to rule one's country, one must first rule one's family. In order to rule one's family, one must first regulate one's body by moral training.  In order to regulate one's body, one must first regulate one's mind. In order to regulate the mind, one must first be sincere in one's intentions. In order to be sincere in one's intentions, one
must first increase one's knowledge."

"I see."

"Have the rest any relevant meaning?" added the king.

"None whatever."

"One further question before we rise. You have said that politics are out of order, but they
seem so closely tied to the question of warfare that they must be faced to some extent. At an
earlier stage you claimed to be a capitalist. Are you sure of these views?"

"If I said so, Your Majesty, I did not mean it. Badger was talking at me like a communist of
the nineteen-twenties, which made me talk like a capitalist in self-defence. I am an
anarchist, like any other sensible person. In point of fact the race will find that capitalists and
communists modify themselves so much during the ages that they end by being
indistinguishable as democrats: and so will the fascists modify themselves, for that matter.
But whatever may be the contortions adopted by these three brands of collectivism, and
however many the centuries during which they butcher each other out of childish ill-temper,
the fact remains that all forms of collectivism are mistaken, according to the human skull.
The destiny of man is an individualistic destiny, and it is in that sense that I may have implied
a qualified approval of capitalism, if I did imply it. The despised Victorian capitalist, who did at least allow a good deal of play to the individual, was probably more truly futuristic in his politics
than all the New Orders shrieked for in the twentieth century. He was of the future, because
individualism lies in the future of the human brain. He was not so old-fashioned as the
fascists and communists. But of course he was considerably old-fashioned for all that, and
that is why I prefer myself to be an anarchist: that is, to be a little up-to-date. The geese are
anarchists, you remember. They realise that the moral sense must come from inside, not
from outside."

"I thought," said the badger plaintively, "that communism was supposed to be a step
towards anarchy. I thought that when communism had been properly achieved the state
would wither away."

"People have told me so, but I doubt it. I cannot see how you may emancipate an individual
by first creating an omnipotent state. There are no states in nature, except among
monstrosities like the ants. It seems to me that people who go creating states, as Mordred
is trying to do with his Thrashers, must tend to become involved in them, and so unable to
escape. But perhaps what you say is true. I hope it is. In any case let us leave these dubious
questions of politics to the dingy tyrants who look after them. Ten thousand years from now it
may be time for the educated to concern themselves with such things, but meanwhile they
must wait for the race to grow up. We for our part have offered a solution this evening to the special problem of force as an arbiter: the obvious platitude that war is due to
national property, with the rider that it is stimulated by certain glands. Let us leave it at that
for the present, in God's name."

The old magician swept his notes away with a trembling hand. He had been deeply
wounded by the hedgehog's earlier criticisms, because, in the secrecy of his heart, he loved
his student dearly. He knew now, since the royal hero had returned victorious in his choice,
that his own wisdom was not the end. He knew that he had finished his tutorship. Once he
had told the king that he would never be the Wart again: but it had been an encouraging thing to say: he had not meant it. Now he did mean it, now knew that he himself had yielded
place, had stepped down from the authority to lead or to direct. The abdication had cost him
his gaiety. He would not be able to rant any more, or to twinkle and mystify with the flashing
folds of his magic cloak. The condescension of learning was pricked in him. He was feeling
ancient and ashamed.

The old king, whose childhood had vanished also, toyed with a slip left on the table. He was
at his trick of watching his hands, when in abstraction. He folded the paper this way, that
way, carefully, and unfolded it. It was one of Merlyn's notes for the card-index, which badger
had muddled with the Prophecies: a quotation from a historian called Friar Clynn, who had
died in 1348. This friar, employed as the annalist of his abbey to keep the historical records,
had seen the Black Death coming to fetch him—possibly to fetch the whole world, for it had killed a third of the population of Europe already. Carefully leaving some pieces of blank parchment with the book in which he was to write no longer, he had concluded with the following message, which had once awakened Merlyn's strange respect. 

"Seeing these many ills," he had written in Latin, "and as it were the whole world
thrust into malignancy, waiting among the dead for death to come to me, I have put into
writing what I have truthfully heard and examined. And, lest the writing should perish with the
writer or the work fail with the workman, I am now leaving some paper for the continuation of
it—in case by any chance a man may remain alive in the future, or any person of the race of
Adam may escape this pestilence, to carry on the labour once begun by me."

The king folded it neatly, measured it on the table. They watched him, knowing he was about
to rise and ready to follow his example.

"Very good," he said. "We understand the puzzle."

He tapped the table with the paper, then got to his feet.

"We must return before the morning."

The animals were rising too. They were conducting him to the door, crowding round him to
kiss his hand and bid farewell. His now retired tutor, who must conduct him home, was
holding the door for him to pass. Whether he was a dream or not, he had begun to flicker, as
had they all. They were saying "Good success to Your Majesty, a speedy and successful
issue."

He smiled gravely, saying: "We hope it will be speedy."

But he was referring to his death, as one of them knew.

"It is only for this time, Majesty," said T. natrix. "You remember the story of St. George, and
Homo sapiens is like that still. You will fail because it is the nature of man to slay, in
ignorance if not in wrath. But failure builds success and nature changes. A good man's
example always does instruct the ignorant and lessens their rage, little by little through the
ages, until the spirit of the waters is content: and so, strong courage to Your Majesty, and a
tranquil heart."

He inclined his head to the one who knew, and turned to go.

At the last moment a hand was tugging at his sleeve, reminding him of the friend he had
forgotten. He lifted the hedgehog with both hands under its armpits, and held it at arm's
length, face to face.

"Ah, tiggy," he said. "Us have thee to thank for royalty. Farewell, tiggy, and a merry life to
thee and thy sweet songs."

But the hedgehog paddled its feet as if it were bicycling, because it wanted to be put down.
It tugged the sleeve again, when it was safe upon the floor, and the old man lowered his ear
to hear the whisper.

"Nay, nay," it mentioned hoarsely, clutching his hand, looking earnestly in his face. "Say not
Farewell."

It tugged again, dropping its voice to the brink of silence.

"Orryvoyer," whispered the urchin. "Orryvoyer."

WELL, WE HAVE REACHED IT AT LAST, the end of our winding story.
Arthur of England went back to the world, to do his duty as well as he could. He called a
truce with Mordred, having made up his mind that he must offer half his kingdom for the sake
of peace. To tell the truth, he was prepared to yield it all if necessary. As a possession it had
long ceased to be of value to him, and he had come to know for sure that peace was more
important than a kingdom. But he felt it was his duty to retain a half if he could, and it was for
this reason: that if he had even half a world to work on, he might be able still to introduce, in
it, the germs of that good sense which he had learned from geese and animals.

The truce was made, the armies drawn up in their battles, face to face. Each had a standard
made from a ship's mast set on wheels, at the top of which a small box held the consecrated Host, while, from the masts, there flew the banners of the Dragon and the Thistle. The knights of Mordred's party were dressed in sable armour, their plumes were sable also, and, on their arms, the scarlet whip of Mordred's badge glared with the sinister tint of blood. Perhaps they looked more terrible than they felt.

It was explained to the waiting ranks that none of them must make a hostile demonstration,
but all must keep their swords in sheath. Only, for fear of treachery, it was told that they might
charge to rescue, if any sword was seen unharnessed at the parley.

Arthur went forward to the space between the armies with his staff, and Mordred, with his
own staff in their black accoutrements, came out to meet him. They encountered, and the old
king saw his son's face once again. It was taut and haggard.  He too, poor man, had strayed beyond Sorrow and Solitude to the country of Kennaquhair;  but he had gone without a guide and lost his way.

The treaty was agreed on, to the surprise of all, more easily than had been hoped. The king
was left with half his realm. For a moment joy and peace were in the balance.

But, at that knife-edge of a moment, the old Adam reared itself in a different form. The feudal
war, baronial oppression, individual might, even ideological rebellion: he had settled them
all in one way or another, only to be beaten on the last lap now, by the episodic fact that
man was a slayer by instinct.

A grass-snake moved in the meadow near their feet, close to an officer of Mordred's staff.
This officer stepped back instinctively and swung his hand across his body, his armlet with
the whip shewing for a second's flash. The bright sword flamed into being, to destroy the so-called
viper. The waiting armies, taking it for treachery, raised their shout of rage. The lances on
both sides bowed to rest. 






And, as King Arthur ran towards his own array, an old man with white hair trying to stem the endless tide, holding out the knuckled hands in a gesture of pressing them back, struggling to the last against the flood of Might which had burst out all his life at a new place whenever he had dammed it, so the tumult rose, the war-yell sounded, and the meeting waters closed above his head.

Lancelot arrived too late...




Friday, December 14, 2012

the queen of france says: Non!




regarding the burgeoning brouhaha over the new UC logo, i, the queen of france, come down on the side of the proverbial french prof's sine qua non:  "non, non, non, et... non!"

there are those who would argue that the proverbial french prof's sine qua non is actually the triplicate of no, "non, non, et non," but they are wrong.  also, native speakers disagree.

i mean, really, folks, from this to that?



oh, excusez-moi, i forgot to share the intricate and catchy manner of how the new logo was born.  prepare to be bedazzled:


the new... thing... evokes visions of extreme roto-rootering or republican misunderestimated notions of what the (female) uterus might look like.

(a whole other post is necessary to unpack their gerbalized visions of male uteri.)

also, doesn't it call up a failed tsunami warning that might go perfectly as signage by a frequently avalanched overhang along the pacific coast highway?

or maybe a reminder to put your partial or whole artificial teeth parts into a fizzing cleaning solution.

i may have worn skin-tight pants, lots of black, no bra, and a new hair style every week whilst honing my wits up and down telegraph avenue -- hell, i may have quivered provocatively just below the heels of the hep boots of derrida and foucault, full of shameless and misguided frissons -- but the traditions of the place held, and hold, a secret allure as well.  touching the lineage of jack weinberg, mario savio, suzanne goldberg, richard aoki (i refuse to believe the fbi turned him). and -- above all -- the polka-dot man, did not mean that i also gave up on the iconic victorian reminder of the need for light, and books.

and yeah, i, the feline queen of the snobbish polygon, am a secret fan of john robinson, who shoved off the pilgrims from their home shores with this assurance: "God has yet more light and truth to break forth out of his holy Word."

plus.jacques and michel weren't such hep cats, after all, turning out to be mortal, scared, and more pro than anti anything.

the queen of france has spoken.

also, "even gavin newsom thinks the new u.c. logo sucks," and as this lieutenant governor and voting mrmber of the reified board of regents put it: "Instead of being creative with the University of California logo we should be searching for creative solutions for funding the University of California."

the queen of france always slithers back into her bathwater on a note of gravitas.



Thursday, December 13, 2012

yes, the river really does know

Hi, all.  

The buzz around Marlinspike Hall has been all about how I have adroitly ducked out of doing any work on The Manor -- where everyone is all a-flutter due to an upcoming Haddock Corporation Inspection [We're expecting a flotilla of pink miniature submarines surfacing in the moat -- which, despite Fred's superhuman efforts, still has a kind of neon emerald algae overgrowth going on -- at any time.  "At any time" refers equally well to our  algae overgrowth chronicity as to the possibility of a herd of pink submarines popping up, full of corporate suits and a swearing Captain Haddock.]  Anyway, yeah, I ditched my usual slave labor in favor of a stay at the local hospital, the Lone Hospital West of the Lone Alp here in Tête de Hergé.

Everything these days, from internet orders to a simple request for some apple cider from the Cistercian Brothers right next door, carries an "order number." Well, at the hospital, I wore so many of those fashionable little plastic bracelets that they decided to revert to the old "case" shorthand.  I became "the case of the missing hemoglobin."

It was just an upper g.i. bleed, and without benefit of supplementary blood products, I have returned to my post here at The Manor with a hemoglobin of 9 and a solid hematocrit of 20-something.  I'm getting no sympathy from anyone, just glares for my shirking-of-duty ways.

They decided to let me go late last evening when it became clear that my pain management and general overall comfort would be better managed by getting me the heck out of a place where people are just hardwired to TOUCH the patients, God bless 'em.  Even though they were bound by their own set of internally ultra-rigid rules -- "you can have the pain medication in another 2 hours and 4 minutes!" -- they were truly understanding of the situation, and together we decided the best place to be was... home.

Which leads me to what I hope will be accepted as a quiet understatement, despite any verbal tendencies that may have led my dedicated readers to assume me incapable of quiet understatement:  Working with the admitting doctor, we were able to pretty easily have me placed on a "No Code" status and discussed possibly making use of some of hospice care's gentler gifts. This just goes to supplement the legal documents I already have in place but which, quite honestly, are often ignored.  It's much more effective to have it written as an order in the chart, and to have the secret not-so-secret orange band placed upon the wrist.

And so, of course, I came nowhere near coding and am home with my robust Hgb of 9 and a hell-hole of pain, since all anti-inflammatories are now forbidden, seeing as how they made me bleed in an unholy manner, that momentous bit of decision-making really did turn out to be a quiet one, momentous for me in that it was so easy and not fraught with emotion or argument.  I suppose it should be a bit depressing that the doctors didn't see much point in arguing with me, and that I saw a bit of "whew!" relief in their eyes, but it's not at all saddening.  The nurses were a different story -- they felt that if I had the right kind of pain relief, POOF, everything would be fine.  "Have you tried a heating pad?" asked one particularly kind, particularly inexperienced new nurse, on her very first evening shift without being "shadowed" be another nurse-mentor.

That's the sure DNR fix:  a heating pad.  It was hard to know what to say to her without bursting her first-night-working-alone bubble.  I explained that heating pads and ice were both contraindicated but "that sure is a good idea."  She was the *only* person I encountered, though, with whom I had the Usual Conversation:

ME:  Please don't touch my legs.  Thanks.
NEW NURSE:  [while touching feet]  I won't.
ME:  STOP TOUCHING ME.
NEW NURSE:  [feeling for pedal pulses] I'M NOT!
ME:  {whispering} Please, please, please don't touch my feet.
NEW NURSE:  I'm not, I'm just checking for pedal pulses.  It's part of my assessment.

Don't ask me.  I don't get it, either.  All I know is that I was BLESSED to have it happen only once.  I got the feeling that while I was under "conscious sedation" for the upper g.i. scope, my legs were pretty well checked out.  I swear I could be brought into the emergency room with an arrow through my head and my nose where my ear should be and the first area of interest would be my legs.

It borders on the absurd (o, puh-leeze, it inhabits the heart of absurdity), but they sent in the damned wound care "team"-- they travel in packs -- to investigate the patch of raw skin on one of my toes, a patch that would not have been there had I not made the mistake of scrubbing my feet with Hibiclens prior to hopping into Ruby the Honda CRV for the trip to the ER.  The bruising that has been there for over 5 years was much "ooohed-and-aaahhhhed" over, until I suggested a layer of gauze and a light application of paper tape, which my nurse and i promptly removed upon their self-satisfied departure.

We should start a pool to see what the Wound Care Consult and "treatment" charges turn out to be.  I wager somewhere in the region of $600 but that's lowballing it.

Fred was a trooper.  He did the best he's ever done and I am really, really proud of him.  The DNR discussion was hard, but we did it, and it's over. I hope.  I had to have the same discusssion with Brother-Unit Grader Boob, as he is my health care proxy in case Fred craps out or is unavailable at the necessary time.  That was harder, as silence on the phone -- I HATE PHONES -- can be difficult to interpret.

For you, TW, this is that conversation.  One-sided.  But somehow, I thought and think that you will most easily understand it for what it is:  The River knows.

The Doors; Yes, The River Knows 
Uploaded on Aug 3, 2009 by jameshippiekid
Waiting for the Sun 

Track:10

So... give me a few days to get stronger and I shall regale you with hilarious tales of funny and terrific nurses and some of the sweetest docs I've ever met.

Unless I die earlier than necessary because the Domestic Staff has me scrubbing one of the ballroom parquet floors with a soft toothbrush.





Please believe me the river told me
Very softly want you to hold me

Free fall flow, river flow on and on it goes
Breath under water till the end
Free fall flow, river flow on and on it goes
Breath under water till the end
Yes, the river knows

Please believe me if you don't need me
I'm going, but I need a little time
I promised I would drown myself
In masticated wine

Please believe me the river told me
Very softly want you to hold me

I'm going, but I need a little time
I promised I would drown myself
In masticated wine

Free fall flow, river flow on and on it goes
Breath under water till the end
Free fall flow, river flow on and on it goes
Breath under water till the end



Saturday, December 1, 2012

Beck-in-Poo



A big nod to Lorraine Devon Wilke of Addicting Info: The Knowledge You Crave.

Glenn causes me various gastrointestinal ills and I am something of an artist, myself.  Plus, while I actually speak a fluent French, I cannot, for the life of me, imitate a French accent in English (an inexplicable oddity).
For that matter, I cannot "do" a Spanish accent in English, either, despite a passable command of that language, as well. It's a mystery.

Anyway.

So I am thinking of dedicating a week, a month, however long it might take to get it right, to the accumulation of G.I. matter*, enough to fill a life-size mason jar into which I will insert the Living, Nude Glenn Beck.  We will call it Beck-in-Poo, which sounds for all the world like a charming English hamlet. And, given that insight, as if from God, there will be no need for any accent nonsense at all!

Being that I'm a big fan of the "Eureka!" story of Archimedes and the discovery of displacement -- I love baths -- guesses from the gallery as to the amount of poo displaced by Mr. Beck will end with the awarding of a lucrative door prize.

At no time will the gigantic lid be screwed on the jar, at least not without a straw and generous air holes. Beck-in-Poo being performance art, Glenn will be extricated at the end of the gala evening.  We have an exciting closing to this art act:  attendees will don brown vinyl raincoats and urns of Holy Water with which the Actor shall be cleansed.

Clearly, some of this needs rethinking, revisioning.  His nudity, for example.  People will be trying to eat delicate and delicious canapés, and devouring the cubed cheese platter, the spiced nuts, the pretzels.  Washing it all down with ice-cold chablis.  That blue thong Beck created with a sublime minimum of wrist-flicking keeps coming to mind as an option.  Not that it will be blue for long, though.

Great art.  It's hard.

In lieu of a framed Constitution as our visual Appeal to Authority, the gallery-owner, an odd woman, wants framed xeroxed copies of Dolley Madison's letter to her sister as the British enter Washington, intent on burning the wayward city to the ground:

Three o'clock. -- Will you believe it, my sister? we have had a battle, or skirmish, near Bladensburg, and here I am still, within sound of the cannon! Mr. Madison comes not. May God protect us! Two messengers, covered with dust, come to bid me fly; but here I mean to wait for him... At this late hour a wagon has been procured, and I have had it filled with plate and the most valuable portable articles, belonging to the house. Whether it will reach its destination, the "Bank of Maryland," or fall into the hands of British soldiery, events must determine. Our kind friend, Mr. Carroll, has come to hasten my departure, and in a very bad humor with me, because I insist on waiting until the large picture of General Washington is secured, and it requires to be unscrewed from the wall. This process was found too tedious for these perilous moments; I have ordered the frame to be broken, and the canvas taken out. It is done! and the precious portrait placed in the hands of two gentlemen of New York, for safe keeping. And now, dear sister, I must leave this house, or the retreating army will make me a prisoner in it by filling up the road I am directed to take.

I confess to noting nothing profound by this juxtaposition, but she simply crows with delight at the thought.

*****  *****  *****  *****  *****  *****  *****

*Puh-leeze, Dear Readers, I would not put even The Beckster in a life-size mason jar full of mine own poo.
Instead, I would employ my extensive training in the Fine Arts.




Saturday, November 24, 2012

In Honor of the New Joyce::In Fond Memory of Billy

I've written a few posts about my friend Joyce and her husband Billy. Billy died on the morning of November 13, 2012.  Unable to afford a funeral, he signed papers to donate his body to science and that broke a few hearts. There are plans for a memorial service in early January and I hope that will be a balm.

Due to red tape gobbledy-guck, Joyce's disability check will be cut to $80 for the month of December, returning to its usual robust, over-the-top $600 in January.

Please, if you can, help her get through this month by donating to Billy's Fund, which is now a Memorial Fund.  Joyce is raising Shawna, who is in high school (and we all know HSchoolers need food, shelter, and other mysterious stuffs!).  Christmas, which is going to be hard enough, could be made a little easier with small gifts.

Go HERE to donate.

Thank you for reading and responding to these calls and reminders of need -- I know need is everywhere, and that we all give in one way or another.  And yes, I'm daring to ask for more... because you don't know what a miracle it is that Joyce has spoken up at all.  I want her to keep speaking up, and to discover that there are people to talk to, to work with, and who care.

She can be wickedly stubborn in seeing the world as a cruel place, and has a past that can bolster that point of view, if she lets it.  But over the past few years, even as her own health got worse, she started to reclaim life and its pleasures.

It is my greed, then, that asks you to donate -- I dread that former Joyce, so sure of a world that thought nothing of her, and long to keep and strengthen this woman who is learning that she can be happy, that she can do most anything!

But underneath all those fine words is the realtiy that $80 won't get them from December 1, 2012 to January 1, 2013.

shawna,   billy,   joyce

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Giving Thanks Three Ways: Gracias a la vida



Uploaded by  on Oct 30, 2006
Song : Gracias a la vida ( Thanks to life )
Composer : VIOLETA PARRA




Uploaded by  on May 2, 2010
© 2010 WMG
Gracias a la vida [Con portada de fondo]





Uploaded by  on Oct 4, 2009
With love and gratitude we say goodbye and salute you, Señora Sosa.
The voice of Latin America, the soul of an entire continent.
Thank you for bringing your light to the world.



Thanks to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me two stars, which when I open them,
Perfectly distinguish black from white
And in the tall sky its starry backdrop,
And within the multitudes the one that I love.

Thanks to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me hearing that, in all of its reach
Records night and day crickets and canaries,
Hammers and turbines, bricks and storms,
And the tender voice of my beloved.

Thanks to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me sound and the alphabet.
With them the words I think and declare:
“Mother,” “Friend,” “Brother” and light shining down on
The road of the soul of the one I'm loving.

Thanks to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me the steps of my tired feet.
With them I have traversed cities and puddles
Valleys and deserts, mountains and plains.
And your house, your street and your garden.

Thanks to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me this heart that shakes its frame,
When I see the fruit of the human brain,
When I see good so far from evil,
When I look into the depth of your light eyes…

Thanks to life, which has given me so much.
It gave me laughter and it gave me tears.
With them I distinguish happiness from pain
The two elements that make up my song,
And your song, as well, which is the same song.
And everyone’s song, which is my very song.

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
Me dio dos luceros, que cuando los abro,
Perfecto distingo lo negro del blanco
Y en el alto cielo su fondo estrellado
Y en las multitudes el hombre que yo amo

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
Me ha dado el oído que en todo su ancho
Graba noche y día, grillos y canarios,
Martillos, turbinas, ladridos, chubascos,
Y la voz tan tierna de mi bien amado

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
Me ha dado el sonido y el abecedario;
Con el las palabras que pienso y declaro:
Madre, amigo, hermano, y luz alumbrando
La ruta del alma del que estoy amando

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
Me ha dado la marcha de mis pies cansados;
Con ellos anduve ciudades y charcos,
Playas y desiertos, montañas y llanos,
Y la casa tuya, tu calle y tu patio

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
Me dio el corazón que agita su marco
Cuando miro el fruto del cerebro humano,
Cuando miro al bueno tan lejos del malo,
Cuando miro al fondo de tus ojos claros

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto
Me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto
Así yo distingo dicha de quebranto,
Los dos materiales que forman mi canto,
Y el canto de ustedes que es mi mismo canto,
Y el canto de todos que es mi propio canto
Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

i need Marmy

so i think i may lose my right leg.  good morning!

it's not imminent, nor eminent.  as a leg, it achieved some fame in my teens and twenties, primarily on the tennis court.  and while i have several meltdowns a day and repeatedly schedule its amputation out in the Paisley Sheep pen (lots of clean straw and that fresh, cold air to make that outdoorsy party atmosphere -- we can pile pumpkins around and serve hot chocolate), i'm trying to get over some bronchitis.  you gotta prioritize.

i keep rediscovering that people are pretty nice, that most everyone is doing their damnedest.  some could use a little *focus* but everyone is trying.

ms. marmy fluffy butt (a cat) is, however, breaking my heart.  it's been months now that she'll have nothing to do with me.  i can take such treatment from human family, but my marmy dear?  i miss her.

[i'm sure you want to refresh yourself on my few and far between cat posts (yawn!) but this one does a good job of summarizing the topic, though it lacks details on our beloved Monaghan and Ms. Pruddy Prudence. I stole the video of Marmy from it, in fact, as she is notoriously hard to capture on film: Wednesday Morning Blahs. ]

it started out understandably enough:  i was dubbed the human who was to "goop" her eyes because she had a nasty ocular infection.  i would hate me, too, but i would get over it, i think.

then it got complicated.  somehow, territorial rivalry set in, with Dobby the Runt and Buddy the Freakishly Large Kitten, boys both, claiming me in the name of... well, Creature Comforts.  i am the source of greenies and belly rubs, grooming with kisses on the nose, and gourmet-grade bonito flakes.

Marmy Fluffy Butt has not reverted to the feral gal we first knew her to be, but she is more and more hiding
-- i look behind furniture for her, often missing her petite self staring sullenly my way just a few feet off.

the boys won't let her on the bed.  the boys won't let her eat until they're done.  sometimes -- lately -- she and i lock eyes, then do a simultaneous eye roll.

i've taken to rolling the wheelchair just to the edge of the Permissible Zone and just talking to her.  world events, politics, the local hullabaloo over proposed speed humps.  i am pretty sure she and i are on the same side on the speed hump thing.  we have a prototype set up -- thank you, Tante Louise! -- and already, three Cistercian monks have taken ungainly headers over the handlebars of their pre-WWII bikes.

sometimes Marmy gifts me with a squint of affection that will carry me through the day on a cloud of alrightness.  i make sure she has a clean warm blanket on the best chair in our living quarters here in the manor -- i change it twice a week under her watchful eyes, her infection-free eyes.

Dobby is her son.  Buddy spent his entire babyhood hiding from her.  we must return to filial fealty, we must return to respect for her speedy, speedy claws.

and we must return to Marmy glommed to my side, beautiful, warm, well-groomed, and opinionated.

i need Marmy.  happy thanksgiving, my dear.




   Ms. Marmy Fluffy Butt



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

trigeminal nerve injury and CRPS

Complex regional pain syndrome following trigeminal nerve injury: report of 2 cases



Oral Surgery, Oral Medicine, Oral Pathology, Oral Radiology
Volume 114, Issue 6 , Pages 733-739, December 2012


Gary M. Heir, DMD, Cibele Nasri-Heir, DDS, MSD, Davis Thomas, BDS, MSD, Bollamma P. Puchimada, BDS, MHA, Junad Khan, BDS, MSD, MPH, Eli Eliav, DMD, PhD, Rafael Benoliel, DDS, PhD

ABSTRACT
Complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) is a debilitating neuropathic pain condition that has been extensively reported in the extremities following variable degrees of nerve trauma. CRPS has rarely been reported in the orofacial region. We report 2 orofacial pain patients whose clinical phenotypes fit the criteria for CRPS. Two cases of orofacial complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) are described, both of which began following trigeminal nerve trauma. In case 1 the patient presented with redness of the ipsilateral ear during painful episodes, pain that extended into the ipsilateral arm and was associated with variations in the appearance of the ipsilateral hand. Symptoms also included “electric-burning pain” of the right side of the head, including the ear, teeth, jaw, eye, neck, and cheek. In case 2 the patient presented with intractable pain of the upper left face, head, and neck accompanied by color changes in the painful areas, which increased with exposure to cold.

REFERENCES


  1. Maihöfner C , Baron R , DeCol R , Binder A , Birklein F , Deuschl G , et al.  The motor system shows adaptive changes in complex regional pain syndrome, brain . Brain 2007;130:2671–2687
  2. Jänig W , Baron R Complex regional pain syndrome: mystery explained? . Lancet Neurol 2003;2:687–697
  3. Merskey H , Bogduk N Pain terms, A Current list with definitions and notes on usage (Classification of chronic pain) . In:2nd ed.. Seattle: IASP Task Force on Taxonomy; 1994;p. 209–214
    • Veldman PH , Reynen HM , Arntz IE , Goris RJ Signs and symptoms of reflex sympathetic dystrophy: prospective study of 829 patients . Lancet 1993;342:1012–1016
    • de Mos M , de Bruijn AG , Huygen FJ , Dieleman JP , Stricker BH , Sturkenboom MC The incidence of complex regional pain syndrome: a population-based study . Pain 2007;129:12–20
    • Sandroni P , Benrud-Larson LM , McClelland RL , Low PA Complex regional pain syndrome type I: incidence and prevalence in Olmsted County, a population-based study . Pain 2003;103:199–207
    • Schwartzman RJ , Erwin KL , Alexander GM The natural history of complex regional pain syndrome . Clin J Pain .2009;25:273–280
    • Allen G , Galer BS , Schwartz L Epidemiology of complex regional pain syndrome: a retrospective chart review of 134 patients . Pain 1999;80:539–544 80
    • Birklein F , Riedl B , Sieweke N , Weber M , Neundörfer B Neurological findings in complex regional pain syndromes—analysis of 145 cases . Acta Neurol Scand 2000;101:262–269
    • Benoliel R , Heir G , Eliav E Neuropathic orofacial pain (Orofac Pain Headache) . In:  Sharav Y ,  Benoliel R editor. Edinb Mosby Elsevier; 2008;p. 255–294
      • Baron R , Binder A , Ulrich W , Maier C Complex regional pain syndrome (Sympathetic reflex dystrophy and causalgia) .Schmerz 2003;17:213–226
        • Baron R , Jänig W Complex regional pain syndromes—how do we escape the diagnostic trap? . Lancet 2004;364:1739–1741
        • Baron R , Wasner G Complex regional pain syndromes . Curr Pain Headache Rep 2001;5:114–123
        • Birklein F Complex regional pain syndrome . J Neurol 2005;252:131–138
        • Thimineur M , Sood P , Kravitz E , Gudin J , Kitaj M Central nervous system abnormalities in complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS): clinical and quantitative evidence of medullary dysfunction . Clin J Pain 1998;14:256–267
        • Rommel O , Malin JP , Zenz M , Jänig W Quantitative sensory testing, neurophysiological and psychological examination in patients with complex regional pain syndrome and hemisensory deficits . Pain 2001;93:279–293
        • Sieweke N , Birklein F , Riedl B , Neundörfer B , Handwerker HO Patterns of hyperalgesia in complex regional pain syndrome .Pain 1999;80:171–177
        • Maleki J , LeBel AA , Bennett GJ , Schwartzman RJ Patterns of spread in complex regional pain syndrome, type I (reflex sympathetic dystrophy) . Pain 2000;88:259–266
        • Galer BS , Jensen M Neglect-like symptoms in complex regional pain syndrome: results of a self-administered survey .J Pain Symptom Manage 1999;18:213–217
        • Wasner G , Schattschneider J , Baron R Skin temperature side differences—a diagnostic tool for CRPS . Pain 2002;98:19–26
        • Maihöfner C , Seifert F , Markovic K Complex regional pain syndromes: new pathophysiological concepts and therapies .Eur J Neurol 2010;17:649–660
        • Jänig W , Baron R Complex regional pain syndrome is a disease of the central nervous system . Clin Auton Res .2002;12:150–164
        • Baron R Mechanisms of disease: neuropathic pain—a clinical perspective . Nat Clin Pract Neurol 2006;2:95–106
        • Melis M , Zawawi K , Al-Badawi E , Lobo SL , Mehta N Complex regional pain syndrome in the head and neck: a review of the literature . J Orofac Pain 2002;16:93–104
        • Benoliel R , Birenboim R , Regev E , Eliav E Neurosensory changes in the infraorbital nerve following zygomatic fractures .Oral Surg Oral Med Oral Pathol Oral Radiol Endod 2005;99:657–665
        • Jääskeläinen SK , Teerijoki-Oksa T , Virtanen A , Tenovuo O , Forssell H Sensory regeneration following intraoperatively verified trigeminal nerve injury . Neurology 2004;62:1951–1957
        • Beniczky S , Tajti J , Tímea Varga E , Vécsei L Evidence-based pharmacological treatment of neuropathic pain syndromes .J Neural Transm 2005;112:735–749
        • Macrae WA Chronic pain after surgery . Br J Anaesth 2001;87:88–98
        • Maihöfne C , Seifert F , Markovic K Complex regional pain syndromes: new pathophysiological concepts and therapies .Eur J Neurol 2010;17:649–660
        • McLachlan EM , Jänig W , Devor M , Michaelis M Peripheral nerve injury triggers noradrenergic sprouting within dorsal root ganglia . Nature 1993;363:543–546
        • Tal M , Devor M Ectopic discharge in injured nerves: comparison of trigeminal and somatic afferents . Brain Res .1992;579:148–151
        • Bongenhielm U , Boissonade FM , Westermark A , Robinson PP , Fried K Sympathetic nerve sprouting fails to occur in the trigeminal ganglion after peripheral nerve injury in the rat . Pain 1999;82:283–288
        • Benoliel R , Eliav E , Tal M No sympathetic nerve sprouting in rat trigeminal ganglion following painful and nonpainful infraorbital nerve neuropathy . Neurosci Lett 2001;297:151–154
        • Benoliel R , Heir G , et al.  Neuropathic orofacial pain . In:  Sharav Y ,  Benoliel R editor. Orofacial Pain and Headache . Edinburgh: Mosby Elsevier; 2008;p. 255–294
          • Waite PM , Ashwell KWS Trigeminal sensory system: The human nervous system (Department of Anatomy, School of Medical Science. The University of New South Wales, Sydney, Australia) . In: 2nd ed.. Elsevier; 2004;p. 1093–1124
            • Denny-Brown D , Yanagisawa N The function of the descending root of the fifth nerve . Brain 1973;96:783–814
            • Donnet J , Valade D The red ear syndrome . J Neurol Neurosurg, Psychiatry 2004;75:1076–1079
            • Penfield W , Erickson TC Epilepsy and Cerebral localization: a study of the mechanism, treatment and prevention of epileptic seizures . Oxford, England: Charles C Thomas; 1941;
              • Elbert T , Sterr A , Flor H , Rockstroh B , Knecht S , Pantev C , et al.  Input-increase and input-decrease types of cortical reorganization after upper extremity amputation in humans . Exp Brain Res 1997;117:161–164
              • Karl A , Birbaumer N , Lutzenberger W , Cohen LG , Flor H Reorganization of motor and somatosensory cortex in upper extremity amputees with phantom limb pain . J Neurosci 2001;21:3609–3618
                • Perez RSGM , Kwakkel G , Zuurmond WWA , de Lange JJ Treatment of reflex sympathetic dystrophy (CRPS type 1): a research synthesis of 21 randomized clinical trials . J Pain Symptom Manag 2001;21:511–526
                  • Schugens MM , Egerter R , Daum I , Schepelmann K , Klockgether T , Loschmann PA The NMDA antagonist memantine impairs classical eyeblink conditioning in humans (Treatment ref 2) . Neurosci Lett 1997;224:57–60
                  • Gustin SM , Schwarz A , Birbaumer N , Sines N , Schmidt AC , Veit R , et al.  NMDA-receptor antagonist and morphine decrease CRPS-pain and cerebral pain representation . Pain 2010;151:69–76
                  • Stanton-Hicks M Complex regional pain syndrome . Anesthesiol Clin North Am 2003;21:733–744
                    • Jänig W , Baron R Complex regional pain syndrome: mystery explained . Lancet Neurol 2003;2:687–697
                    • Jänig W , Baron R Experimental approach to CRPS . Pain 2004;108:3–7
                    • Gibbons JJ , Wilson PR RSD score: criteria for the diagnosis of reflex sympathetic dystrophy and causalgia . Clin J Pain .1992;8:260–263