groggy and unwashed

look up groggy and unwashed in the dictionary and i'm the illustration.  my last cogent memory of anything done intentionally dates from early this morning, and even then, was incomplete.

staring at the computer screen (as it sucks my brains out through my eyes), i began ogling an article about the discovery of a shark hybrid species off the coast of australia.  i suppose the article might have situated the shocking news inland -- one of the more likely spots being the yeperenye shopping centre in alice springs, home of the rusty zipper (formerly bruce deans menswear), premier source of fancy dress.for the discerning shark.

right.  so i pay attention to stuff like this, because i am fascinated by the idea of actually knowing when and how something may be in the midst of evolution.  is that just not so totally awesomely cool, as notions go? i figure that the human evolutionary process, at least in the strict biological sense, will not be revealed to us, you know, because the intelligent designer is too intelligent for such shenanigans.  it just would be teleologically uncool.

although, and bear with me here, we may have glimpses of the subtle metamorphoses -- our teeny-weensy shape shifts -- in quantifiable moments such as the iowa caucuses.  i am pretty sure that years of inbreeding and one major clusterfuck of an all-nighter with an overly friendly "domesticated" species have resulted in our own little bit of hybridization. and just as the hybrid black-tip now hunts outside the limits of its previous incarnation, its realm of influence perversely expanded from tropical to more temperate waters, these freaking tea baggers are worming their way into the mainstream.  did i write that out loud?  anyway, theories have been  proposed, under the table (under *my* table, anyway), involving survival enhancements such as the repurposing of various facial muscles involved in the complicated act of sincerely smiling -- most notably the orbicularis oris and the platysma, the one diverted from "the playing of all brass instruments and some woodwind instruments," the other from "the expression of melancholy" (grimacing).  markedly republican budgets and educational policy have seen to the essential demise of most school music programs, and the grimace is antithetical to righteousness-based politicking. the main reason these intimations of evolutionary shift  have only recently come to light -- beyond the paucity of opportunities for vivisection -- is that the contribution of alien dna seems to be limited to behavioral modifications.

right.  so.  here's the intro to AFP's amy coopes' article on the world's first hybrid shark.  i'm thinking of a nap, though if i don't shower soon, fred is going to be moving out.  it's just one dilemma after another around here, where there are no evolutionary improvements in sight.  i wonder what's happening in iowa.*

Scientists said on Tuesday that they had discovered the world's first hybrid sharks in Australian waters, a potential sign the predators were adapting to cope with climate change.


The mating of the local Australian black-tip shark with its global counterpart, the common black-tip, was an unprecedented discovery with implications for the entire shark world, said lead researcher Jess Morgan.


"It's very surprising because no one's ever seen shark hybrids before, this is not a common occurrence by any stretch of the imagination," Morgan, from the University of Queensland, told AFP.


"This is evolution in action." [Read the rest of the article HERE]

AFP Photo/Pascal Geraghty

* i managed to scope out the news with what was left of my computer-drained central vision.  it's 11 pm and the folks in middle america deem santorum and romney to be about equally worthy.  the word is that they are separated by some ridiculous amount -- like 75 votes.  ron paul is cruising at third, a few percentage points behind, and newt is fourth, perry fifth.  i think bachmann is trouncing huntsman.  i'm not sure, though.  those wacky iowans!

By Way of Explanation...

This post purports to be about why I have not been posting and how I swear (I swear!) that this lax state of affairs will soon be changing.  But first, this unnecessary remark! --->


It's scary when Karl Rove sounds like the voice of reason.  Apparently, nothing makes right wing assholes drop their feigned rube twang like a bunch of cartoonish evangelical Tea-Partiers making inroads into what had been considered proprietary holdings in bigotry and Social Darwinism.


HALT!  I can't just go around calling people assholes, no matter how much it relieves the crick in my neck, no matter how high, how unerring the degree of my accuracy.  Ever since pronouncing my first ever "fucktard" over the weekend, awareness of my penchant for words best detailed by online Urban Dictionaries in lieu of staid Oxford English ones, has grown.


It's grown uncomfortable.  My speech, my pronouncements, my general demeanor -- all unseemly. In fact, I unleashed what apparently can only be called a Can of Whoop Ass on a tweeting con artist yesterday.  @GR8Vibrations may never be the same.  He'll certainly never claim that Vibration Exercise is a match made 
in heaven for CRPS-sufferers again.  I mean, really, what a stupid claim, given the degree of allodynia and hyperalgesia with which we deal. Nonstop.  All the time.  Every God-damned minute of every freaking day. 
I know that on a good day there is nothing I'd rather do than purposely inflict vibration on the ice cold, edematous, 9-out-of-10-on-the-pain-scale pieces of raw meat that extend from the nubs of my former fine, fine legs.


@GR*Vibrations:  We see this condition a lot have been successful treating it with Physical Therapy and Vibration Exercise.


What a goober. "We see this condition a lot," my sweet ass.  It's a phrase he tweets throughout the day to a selected group of sufferers. Before turning it on the wife of a man with CRPS who was "out of treatment options," this Pimple on the Butt of Humanity was working the Parkinson's Disease Twitter lunch crowd.


"Now Serving 2 Locations! Whole Body Vibration As Seen on 'The Doctors' with Fran Drescher!!!"


Well, this heightened, tightened insensitivity just isn't going to work, is it?  Not on Strategists, Ad Men and Women, ConPersons, Theoreticians, Kingmakers, Queenmakers, Lying Liars, Birthers, Gomers, Policy Wonks, Assholes... whatever the taxonomic home in which you wish to lodge them, these folks are spinning their realities as fast as they can, and who am I to interfere?


I mean, what pleasure do I get from seeing a Bush-era POS like Karl Rove squirm midst the threat of tea-partier spoilers?  Am I so sadistic as to enjoy the reflexive twitches of a fat and dying political breed animal, peering out at the world from behind Waldo geek chic eyeglasses?


I guess I am even more of sicko than anyone knew.  Except Fred.  And Bianca.  Plus a certain wise-acre faction within the Domestic Staff.  


Anyway (my favorite segue!) -- I am sorry not to have posted much of late.  I'm in horrible pain and spend lots of time dealing with spasms -- by screaming, mostly.  And attacking indiscriminately, via handy social media, the type of people who usually target me.  It looks like the infection in my left shoulder prosthesis is back with vengeance, and that, coupled with the failure of my recent flirtation with subanesthetic ketamine infusions to cure or even lower my pain levels from CRPS, has me in something of a personal crisis.


You know, I ask myself questions like:  "Why do you keep trying, when everything is screaming at you to give up, to lay down and die?  Hmmm? Why?"


I have started asking myself, as well, "Whycome?  Whycome?" I think that "whycome" sounds cute.  It's kind of tsunami code for "cute disaster," or  美しい災害-


My legs are so swollen that lymphatic fluid is being squeezed out of my famous third spaces.  My vision is changing so rapidly from uncontrolled glaucoma that I frequently scream when my eyes pop open in the dark and the ceiling fan appears to be 6 inches from my face... and Karl Rove.  That's right, my ceiling fan, fat and round and spinning, appears to me at night as a menacing Karl Rove.'


I suspect that I'm also flirting with kidney failure -- No, that's way too dramatic! It is technically renal insufficiency.  My doctor worries about it, I know, especially since I have become addicted to ibuprofen.  It's the only thing that will break my daily fevers.  I alternate between low-dose methadone (only 10 mg a day now, ever since the great Jump Off experiment in May/June), Percocet (with acetaminophen), and ibuprofen. At least now I stay under 1600 mg a day.


I have the beginnings of 12 good posts in my Draft file.  Some are actually within shouting distance of a refined finish.  In each and every instance, a fierce attack of spasticity murdered the writing impulse and the resultant high doses of Baclofen and tizanidine left me without any discernible muscle tone.


That's what I said -- no discernible muscle town.  Wanna make something of it?  Wanna poke fun at my essential amoeba-ness?


I did not think so.


I also have in mind, Dear Reader, essays about things that speak to our common human condition.


Like the silliness of crossword puzzles.  I mean, is "a college in North Carolina" ever anything but Elon?  Is a literary monogram, or literary initials, ever anything but either TSE or EAP?  It's silly.  I do about three short puzzles a day and these two examples are but the tip of my iceberg.


Like more observations on what it is like to be the spouse of someone with a severe case of ADHD, with a side serving of PTSD.  Even just a list of the things that he claims he will do "tomorrow" would relieve some of the pressure and hammering in mine brain.


Like detailing the contents of the last Gift Box I received from Brother-Unit Tumbleweed. Full of music and some guides to the Canyon.  (He finally wrote me a few days back, which was a relief.  If you are following that saga...)


And more cats.  Always more cats.  Buddy the Kitten has learned how to turn door knobs, Marmy is pooping outside the litter boxes, and Dobby now delivers well-timed bites to Buddy's ears, in a valiant effort to appear stronger, smarter, faster.


"Go, Dobby, Go," we cry!


There are also some vaguely political posts in the works, and I am really sorry about that.


Well, there goes my right foot, and since the scream is about to climb backwards out of my mouth, leading with a wide open vowel, I'll leave you now, hungry and aching for more.  You, I mean.  You're hungry and aching for more.


Jeez.

Either/Or

We adore logical fallacies here at Marlinspike Hall, ancestral manor of the Haddock clan -- that arm indigenous to Tête de Hergé (Très Décédé *D'Ailleurs).

[* One of these days, we will have to address the issue of the correct form of "décédé," and whether it modifies "tête," an obviously feminine word, or "Hergé," an indisputably male person, even if décédé.]

One logical fallacy that we rarely discuss involves the use of "either/or," either explicitly as some purportedly bifurcated presentation or implicitly by the invocation of some imaginary branch in the persuasive path. We don't discuss it because it is an easy one, readily identifiable and facile snicker-fodder, but also because I tend to lose my cool early on in the discussion.  Like my ancestors, I curse and throw fine china.

Some people, less ardent, maybe, or perhaps less invested in rhetoric, consider my frenetic reaction to be, itself, illogical  (though I challenge them to label it in any way fallacious).

When "either/or" starts popping up with regularity, especially within public political discourse, it's a sign.  (All semioticians are excused from the remainder of this blog post.  Should you choose to stay, you must keep your sound and fury under wraps.)  A surge in the "either/or" method of argument and persuasion, when the dependency of the involved terms is a fallacy, indicates our submersion into deep ideological doodoo.

Interlocutors are ripe for "either/or" picking when they feel threatened, when they are confused, when it's easier to blame and deny in the vast minimum of a sound bite or a 140-character tweet than it is to understand and participate, in depth.

Kennesaw State University put out a nifty little cheat sheet on "Either/Or," and one comment near the top of the page actually got me pumping my fist and muttering a fierce, emphatic "yes":  

These tactics are purposefully designed to seduce those who are not well informed on a given topic. A clever writer or speaker may use the either/or fallacy to make his idea look better when compared to an even worse one. This type of selective contrast is also a form of stacking the deck. This type of argument violates the principles of civil discourse: arguments should enlighten people, making them more knowledgeable and more capable of acting intelligently and independently.

The New York Times published an article this morning about Republican governors, primarily of Tea Party persuasion, who are trying to repeal decades of environmental protections in their states.  Since it is awfully hard to argue that, in and of themselves, these are odious protections and ridiculous regulations, the reasoning being offered to justify raiding the involved moneys goes something like this -- "this" being a citation from a radio address by Maine governor Paul LePage, who proposes a 63-point dismantling of environmental protections and laws in his state, including opening a good chunk of the North Woods to deforestation and eliminating some child protection  mandates (product testing for toxic chemicals, for example):

Maine’s working families and small businesses are endangered,” he said. “It is time we start defending the interests of those who want to work and invest in Maine with the same vigor that we defend tree frogs and Canadian lynx.

Sorry, it's not an article, it's a blog. The distinction slips by me, more and more frequently. In particular, it is a multi-authored blog, called Green: A blog about energy and the environment.  This entry was written by Leslie Kaufman.  I am not yet sure whether journalism presented in a blog at a newspaper website merits different treatment or receipt than an article directly under the auspices of the banner.  Something to ponder should I ever return to my historic levels of caffeine consumption.

Anyway, let's leave if-and/or-when and return to either/or.  In political speech, "either/or" is often used as a fallacious way to so focus the interlocutor's mind such that he comes to believe in an artificial limitation to the choices inherent in a situation.

The last time I followed an "either/or" mass movement was in January 2010 on the "Dr. Phil" website as his followers weighed in on the topic of aid to Haiti following the magnitude 7+ earthquake that killed over 220,000 people and left millions homeless in that already economically devastated country.  The overwhelming tenor of the arguments are represented by the entries cited below.  It's clear that the authors are speaking from a massive, accumulated frustration that is serving almost as a unifying identifier. They refuse to even speculate on the need of that radical "exotic" other, the Haitian.  The argument is poor and illogical, but protected by its popularity, its good-old-boy environs, and disguised as a kind of brave, shoulders-braced-and-chin-jutting patriotism of the people.

The only country where we have homeless without shelter,
children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds,
and mentally ill without treatment - yet we have a benefit for the
people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food,
water, tents, clothes, bedding, doctors and medical supplies. Imagine if
we gave ourselves the same support that we gave all other countries. I
feel bad for them but I guess who cares about America.
-- user raiderdreger, March 23, 2010

I am aware of the dire circumstances of our economy. I realize most of your peers, as are you, are focused on the war on terror, "fixing our economy" while lining your pockets with my hard earned money and of course there is the health care fiasco that faces our country. The United States is run by big business not a democracy. I'm not going to pretend it is otherwise. Money...it's all about money. Recently I have witnessed a great deal of money floating around, changing hands. You recall the disaster that occurred recently...in Haiti. Apparently there are people out there willing to help when horrific events present themselves. Governor Beshear we have a horrific event occurring right here, in Kentucky, but for some reason you are turning a blind eye. --  user cstohne, January 21, 2010, titled "Letter to Governor Beshear of Kentucky"

I hate to say this but no one seemed to care about this place before why now? We are in enough debt, we can't get jobs or have neough money to feed our own kids, or afford a dcotor or health insurance. Since when has any other country helped us in time of a disaster?
-- user delight1208, January 26, 2010, titled "Haiti relief"

Those lucky underclassmen in English 1101/55 and 57 at Kennesaw State in the Fall of 2002 were given three examples of an "either/or" fallacy, along with a polite reminder that it is possible to use the construction (literally or as a presentation format) without falling prey to misrepresentation.  This is the second example given:

A firm believer states: “I'm not pro-choice; I'm pro-life.”

Politicians have wrapped this issue up into a messy ball of catch phrases. They assume that a person must have a definitive stand on the abortion issue across the board – either for it or against it. Using these terms, however, make this either/or fallacy especially comical. Who is not technically pro-“life”? We are all still here on this planet – living, eating, socializing, etc. – living life. We like life; we fully support it. On the other hand, we are all Americans whose speech is protected by the First Amendment that grants us freedom of intellectual choice. Therefore, aren’t we all technically pro-“choice” too?




We can play these word games for hours, but these terms cannot adequately help us arrive at a conclusion on this issue if they obscure the realities. Wouldn’t some anti-abortion advocates be in favor of aborting a fetus in order to save the life of the mother? So are they pro-“life” or “choice” if they sacrifice one of them instead of both? … or neither? Do you see how this gets us nowhere? The pro choice/life debate has been “dumbed down” to these two equivocated, loaded, slanted, and distorted terms that only get people mad. Life, death, and abortion are much too complicated to be understood on a bumper sticker.  

You've probably noticed that I haven't mentioned or in the least belabored my arguments against the G.O.P. movement to divest environmental protections and regulations of capital by an assault on environmentalism at the state level. Should I list the benefits of not ruining 3 million acres of Maine's North Woods? Will I herald a return to persuasive logic if I argue the merits of salvaging the Florida Everglades, a goal likely to need every penny of its already allocated $50 million budget -- a worthy project that would be hamstrung by Tea Partier Gov. Scott's proposed $33 million cut to its funding. Is there merit to following the either/or rhetorical trend by placing the fate of the manatee alongside the socioeconomic destiny of Philhelmina Florida and her Florida family?

Those wily beasties who are spearheading these local attacks know that as soon as their opponents' words buy into their fallacious dichotomies, the verbal argument is won, or at least rendered so complicated and far afield of the point as to remain indefinitely on life support.  Gov. LePage is so eager to trap and trick that he fishes with a specific lure, knowing that I will follow his lead of "tree frogs and Canadian lynx." See how he tries to sneak in a sly reference to illegal immigration?


Piece o' cake.  Their own tendency toward overeagerness will betray these Money-Grubbing Earth Haters...
 

G.B. Trudeau: Doonesbury 08.06.2006

Why not one last moment of additional levity?  After referencing Dr. Phil's fans and their attitudes toward Haiti, I was reviewing past references in this blog to the island nation.  How fortunate to find this piece from April of 2009, readymade with an academic and rhetorical aspect:

You will recall that my Brother-Unit Grader Boob is an English prof at a large public university.

One of his writing assignments for his Freshman comp students involved song analysis. Sorry to say, Grader Boob notes that, "apparently, the idea of a thesis merging literary and rhetorical analysis escapes most of my writers."

By way of clarification, he offered the following quote from a student paper positing reggae as a music of resistance:

"Marley was a Jamican who sometimes visited the island of Hadee."

Helen Philpot: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I love finding new posts from Margaret and Helen sitting in my Google Reader. It feels like Christmas. Also, Friday.

Margaret's nephew Howard is a good boy, and we love him. He's also an easy mark for Helen, and we love that, too. While we are loving on everyone, here's a bear hug for Matthew, Helen's grandson, who makes all this possible, from the technical end of things, that is.

I'd give my left shoulder to see some of Margaret's paintings... and all of Helen's short stories.

Anywho, here is the beginning of the latest post from over there, and please do follow it back home so as to read the rest... Shoot, why not camp out on The Porch with some fortified tea or lemonade, and check out the archives?

Margaret, tell Howard that the difference between me and Rush Limbaugh is that I don’t lie in order to support my opinion. That fat bastard Limbaugh will say anything to keep his ratings up and counts on his fans being too lazy to check the facts. And as far as the next election, Howard is probably right. This fickle country of ours will probably put the Republicans back in control of something and it will start all over again. It’s sad really.

I wonder if the Grand Old Party has taken a step back recently and gotten a good look at just how tarnished they have become? You’ve got one Governor shooting wolves out of helicopters and another using laser guided missiles to take out coyotes during his morning jog. You’ve got the Tea Party rooting for insurance companies instead of kids and the Right-To-Lifers shooting doctors at church. The GOP even has homophobes practicing homosexuality. And “drill, baby, drill” isn’t sounding too great for a battle cry these days, but by God they’re sticking to it. From where I sit, the entire Republican Party should head to OZ – looking for a brain, a heart and a pair of testicles. [continued, here...]

A Haft Made of Dudgeon

Just when I was calming down!

In large part, the deescalation in my gastric acid production is attributable to not reading or listening to the rhetoric of the extreme right, the crazed element of the conservative movement. I think they're well represented as assorted PacMan Blinkies, chowing down on whatever gets in the way.

I plan on using this long PacMan video as a point de repère for mindful meditation -- now that my Palm has died a good, but lingering, death and I no longer have recourse to Crazy Daisy. You see, it wasn't under warranty; It had no recourse, no place to go. I was awesome at Crazy Daisy and on endless mode, it kept me calm and distracted (but way zen-focused) even when in intense pain.




So, uncentered and bereft of handheld technology, I decided to follow some demented Twitter feed... and ran smack dab into this:

Nobody likes a racist…
Nobody likes a race hustler either.

On Saturday March 20th the leftist media reported what they described as a horrible story from their sources at the anti-military Jew-hating conservative-hating Huffington Post. The media claimed that members of the Congressional Black Caucus were called n*ggers and spat on by tea party protesters as they walked from the Longworth office building to the Rayburn office building. At least one report said that it was “a chorus” of racist hatred. Another report said the Congressional members heard the n-word at least 15 times. Reporters from ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX News, (including Bill O’Reilly), MSNBC, and so on, repeated this horrible story.

Unfortunately, it was a fake. The media had no evidence… Nothing. As the story was a complete fabrication. It was totally made up.
[....]
Last Wednesday, video was released that confirmed the spitting incident was bogus, too.

Dan Riehl reported:

There’s some higher resolution video... I hadn’t seen before. Unlike what was claimed during recent Tea Party protests in Washington, DC, it would appear Cleaver was simply walking close by in front of a protester. The protester’s hands were cupped as he was shouting. While it appears Cleaver may have experienced a spraying of sorts as a result of the yelling, it does not support a conclusion that he was intentionally spat upon, as claimed.
[....]

Again. Another liberal lie.

On Thursday of last week Andrew Breitbart* at Big Government offered $10,000 to any of the reported victims for proof of a racial attack. No one will! And, in this economy you know someone would if they could. No one came forward. Nothing happened.

It was all a lie.

It’s time for these race hustlers to apologize to the tea party movement and the American people for this horrible racist lie.

We demand that these Black Caucus members apologize for their fabricated hate story.

It is tough to know what tags to apply to such virulent, yellow pus -- particularly as the tag situation chez this blog is abominable -- but it seemed right to pair political rhetoric with noise pollution, as well as with a PopThatZit video.

How would you tag this?


*Andrew Breitbart:
As I have said over and over and over, the left has one trick that it will use again and again when its back is in the corner: shout ‘racist’ in a crowded country.

On Saturday, during the peaceful and patriotic tea party protest at the Capitol, the Democrats staged a series of symbolic acts meant to manipulate the media to do its bidding. The Congressional Black Caucus pulled the Selma card and chose to walk through the crowd in the hopes of creating a YouTube incident.
[....]
It’s time for the allegedly pristine character of Rep. John Lewis to put up or shut up. Therefore, I am offering $10,000 of my own money to provide hard evidence that the N- word was hurled at him not 15 times, as his colleague reported, but just once. Surely one of those two cameras wielded by members of his entourage will prove his point.

And surely if those cameras did not capture such abhorrence, then someone from the mainstream media — those who printed and broadcast his assertions without any reasonable questioning or investigation — must themselves surely have it on camera. Of course we already know they don’t. If they did, you’d have seen it by now.

THOUSANDS OF TIMES.

Rep. Lewis, if you can’t do that, I’ll give him a backup plan: a lie detector test. If you provide verifiable video evidence showing that a single racist epithet was hurled as you walked among the tea partiers, or you pass a simple lie detector test, I will provide a $10K check to the United Negro College Fund.

They used to make me laugh. Then they made me mad. Now? Now, they have succeeded in planting fear in my heart. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch. Mostly, they provoke tears of angry laughter.

The tactic of planting the lie, then repeating the lie in feigned high dudgeon, manufacturing "unbiased" support, and putting the attacked on the defensive? It's low brow propaganda.

Some people comfort themselves with salty, fried things, others with sweets. I turn to etymology, my private puff pastry. Okay, and low fat plain yogurt hit with a good measure of excellent vanilla extract.

dudgeon: Middle English dogeon, from Anglo-French digeon, dogeon
Date: 15th century
1 obsolete : a wood used especially for dagger hilts
2 archaic : a dagger with a handle of dudgeon; obsolete : a haft made of dudgeon

A Thousand Little Wacos:::Apples and Cabbage

I know, I know. Given all that I have read, seen, and heard in just the past week, how can I continue to claim astonishment? I don't know, but it is the truth.

I am profoundly shocked, surprised, and appalled -- yes, again!

The Washington Post reported on the angry, and sometimes violent, reactions of those whose universe was apparently rocked by the signing of the health reform bill on Tuesday. As previously noted, bigoted speech and threats of physical harm began to percolate, then boil.

A good part of my day was spent making composed salads, boiling and poaching anything I could get my swollen and fumbling hands on. Faced with the remains of such an effort, I always try to make stock, something that cooks everywhere value as gold. I visualize all this hatred as that nasty, speckled foam that sometimes forms a head on a pot of bubbling chicken stock -- you know, the stuff that begs to be skimmed away.

Yes, I would much rather think about cooking. Have any of you used the much-touted-by-Alton-Brown Grains of Paradise, in lieu of pepper?

Who would knowingly or willingly incite people to such offensive extremes?

Meet imminent blogger and budding brain trust Mike Vanderboegh.

Some of the vandalism appears to have been instigated by an Alabama blogger, Mike Vanderboegh, who encouraged his readers to throw bricks at the windows of Democratic headquarters across the country. Vanderboegh, a former leader of the Alabama Constitutional Militia who is headlining an open-carry gun rally in Northern Virginia next month, issued a call to the modern "Sons of Liberty" on his libertarian political blog to break windows nationwide to display opposition to health-care reform.

A vandal threw a brick into the glass doors at the Monroe County Democratic Committee's headquarters in Rochester overnight Saturday, attaching a note that quoted Barry Goldwater: "Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice."

Vanderboegh did not respond to questions Wednesday from The Washington Post, but he took credit for the incident in an interview earlier this week with the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle. "I guess that guy's one of ours," he told the newspaper. "Glad to know people read my blog."

Vanderboegh is a member of an Alabama militia, once worked as a warehouse manager but is now disabled by diabetes, hypertension, and congestive heart failure, for which he receives a disability check from the government to the tune of $1300/month. Someone in TwitterLand says that he doesn't use Medicare, to which he'd be entitled virtue of being a gimp, but instead enjoys excellent coverage from his wife's work benefits. More power to him.

His Blog, the Sipsey Street Irregulars, flies under the waving rubrique of The Doctrine of the Three Percent:

The Three Percent are the folks the Founders counted on to save the Republic when everyone else abandoned it.

And we will.

There will be no more free Wacos and no more free Katrinas.

For we are the Three Percent.

We will not disarm.

You cannot convince us.

You cannot intimidate us.

You can try to kill us, if you think you can.

But remember, we’ll shoot back .

We are not going away.

We are not backing up another inch.

And there are THREE MILLION OF US.

Your move, Mr. Wannabe Tyrant....

What is a "Three Percenter"?
During the American Revolution, the active forces in the field against the King's tyranny never amounted to more than 3% of the colonists. They were in turn actively supported by perhaps 10% of the population. In addition to these revolutionaries were perhaps another 20% who favored their cause but did little or nothing to support it. Another one-third of the population sided with the King (by the end of the war there were actually more Americans fighting FOR the King than there were in the field against him) and the final third took no side, blew with the wind and took what came.

Three Percenters today do not claim that we represent 3% of the American people, although we might. That theory has not yet been tested. We DO claim that we represent at least 3% of American gun owners, which is still a healthy number somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 million people. History, for good or ill, is made by determined minorities. We are one such minority. So too are the current enemies of the Founders' Republic. What remains, then, is the test of will and skill to determine who shall shape the future of our nation.

The Three Percent today are gun owners who will not disarm, will not compromise and will no longer back up at the passage of the next gun control act. Three Percenters say quite explicitly that we will not obey any futher circumscription of our traditional liberties and will defend ourselves if attacked. We intend to maintain our God-given natural rights to liberty and property, and that means most especially the right to keep and bear arms. Thus, we are committed to the restoration of the Founders' Republic, and are willing to fight, die and, if forced by any would-be oppressor, to kill in the defense of ourselves and the Constitution that we all took an oath to uphold against enemies foreign and domestic.

We are the people that the collectivists who now control the government should leave alone if they wish to continue unfettered oxygen consumption. We are the Three Percent. Attempt to further oppress us at your peril. To put it bluntly, leave us the hell alone. Or, if you feel froggy, go ahead AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS.

Again: I know, I know. I copied and pasted Vanderboegh's brilliance above just before passing out from exhaustion in the wee hours -- I thought that, like my many bowls of composed, succulent, and enticingly fragrant composed salads, it would improve for having sat unmolested overnight.

I am, as you and I share this convivial moment, munching on one of the chicken salads. It is close to sublime, the sweetness of some of the ingredients set off by the bite of quickly sautéed mustard greens: Not your average chicken salad. Very little mayonnaise, yet enough. I am most pleased that the bowl is now almost empty as the Minions of Marlinspike Hall have apparently been scavenging while I slept, confident that upon awaking, The Doctrine of Three Percent would have homogenized enough to make palatable sense.

My un- and sub- consciouses rival such rabid gun-owners' intent by making plans to feed the world on composed salads (chicken, potato, cole slaw, salmon, shrimp, taco) until we are all so sated that the notion of hurting, killing, or humiliating one another smothers under the weight of gustatory contentment.

Sometimes I feel sorry for God, and render unto Him fervent apologies. More often, though, I cook.

So Vanderboegh took for the title of his blog the story of one Phillip Sheats Gordon, an "ATF target" who booby-traps his home with all sorts of exciting little technologies and weapons before facing off with government-type intruders. As he is, sniff, riddled with cancer, what does he have to lose, holed up as he is in his -- you guessed it -- Sipsey Street home?

Philip Sheats Gordon figures in what is described as "Vanderboegh's upcoming novel, Absolved."

My forthcoming novels all disappeared a few years back, sunk by the embarrassment of their many announced yet never-accomplished arrivals. I decided that kitchen duties were more my thing. Anyway, as best I can figure, Vanderboegh has written five chapters, neatly, correctly, and duly numbered and then he has, in apparent frustration, jumped to Chapter 31. Wannabe writers everywhere understand that impulse!

Over at Think Progress blog, I discovered that Vanderboegh is currently driven to "protect" the lives of the Democratic leadership. (Well, that's how *he* put it. Were I listed among his protectees, I'd be in full-fledged flight away from his sort of defense.)

VANDERBOEGH: I am telling you we are motivated to break windows, we feel a deadly threat from the Federal government and the orders that the Democrat party has given us. [...]

COLMES: You’re telling people to break the windows of Democratic headquarters. You’re telling people to commit acts of vandalism. You’re supporting breaking the law.

VANDERBOEGH: May I tell you my personal motive for doing this? I’m trying to save the lives of Nancy Pelosi, and every one of these people who do not understand the unintended consequences of their actions. [...] Because they are not paying attention to the million of people across this deepening divide that politics no longer avails them. [...] We refuse to participate in the system, and we refuse to pay the fines, and we refuse arrest. Now where do you suppose that’s going but a thousand little Wacos.

Excuse me while I go whip up something for the populace -- something filling, warm, comforting.

I am thinking apples and cabbage, followed by an insulin-challenging dessert. I might even fall head-over-heals into my own pitiful stereotype and brew a pot of Earl Grey. Ah, but that means making scones...

A thousand little Wacos. Sweet Jesus.

***** ** ***** ** ***** ** *****

Red Cabbage and Apple Salad With Ginger Vinaigrette

Ingredients
3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 1/2 teaspoons grated peeled fresh ginger
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 cups packed shredded red cabbage
2 cups packed shredded Napa cabbage
2 cups thinly sliced Granny Smith apple
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup golden raisins, plumped in hot water
1/4 cup toasted, unsalted sunflower seeds

Media Matters for America has tackled a summation of the right-wing media's history of violent rhetoric. Serve yourself a heaping bowl of this delicious and detoxifying cabbage salad and ponder the map Sarah Palin has made, marking the locations of legislators who voted for the health care reform initiatve -- marking the locations with cute little crosshairs. I think a nice loaf of crusty bread would go well with this vegetable dish, as it soaks up irritating stomach acid.

Has It Come To This?

New Vigilance Needed in Wake of Healthcare Vote

by David Silverberg
Monday, 22 March 2010


Violent domestic extremism poses a real threat.

In the wake of the divisive 219-212 House vote passing healthcare reform, authorities need to heighten vigilance against extremist violence against government facilities.

The year-long healthcare debate was emotional and divisive and while the vote may have resolved the issue legislatively the passions it aroused are unlikely to die down soon.

In such an atmosphere extremist violence is a real possibility, particularly directed against government installations or symbols of government authority. Coming on top of a census process that has also been infused with extremist charges, homeland security officials at all levels of government should be especially vigilant against potential attacks from domestic sources.

Domestic extremist terrorism has long been on the homeland security radar. In 2009 a report by the Office of Intelligence & Analysis in the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), titled, Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment noted that while there were no specific plots under way, "rightwing extremists may be gaining new recruits by playing on their fears about several emergent issues." These included the election of the first African-American president and the economic downturn. It also reported that extremists were recruiting returning Iraqi war veterans. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano later disavowed the report as having been released prematurely without proper vetting.

More recently, on March 2 the Southern Poverty Law Center released its own report, Rage on the Right , reporting that "The radical right caught fire last year, as broad-based populist anger at political, demographic and economic changes in America ignited an explosion of new extremist groups and activism across the nation." According to this report, 363 new "Patriot" groups formed in 2009, with 127 of them being militias and the formation of 136 new anti-immigrant groups.

As though to underscore the volatility of the current situation, yesterday, as the House of Representatives voted on healthcare reform legislation, tens of thousands of demonstrators descended on Washington to demand comprehensive immigration reform, an issue that may prove even more passionate and divisive than healthcare.

Read the rest here, at Homeland Security Today

Stand, and Remember

I just heard that Glenn Beck has admonished John Lewis for "comparing" himself to "civil rights activists."

He is not worth my time, Glenn Beck, yet he requires attention because of the uncritical thinkers who are following him.

John Lewis, though, needs no defense from anyone; He need only stand, as he has always stood.

The rest of us, however? We are required to remember, and to share those memories with an abundant spirit.

From The Biography of John Lewis:

He was born the son of sharecroppers on February 21, 1940, outside of Troy, Alabama. He grew up on his family's farm and attended segregated public schools in Pike County, Alabama. As a young boy, he was inspired by the activism surrounding the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the words of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., which he heard on radio broadcasts. In those pivotal moments, he made a decision to become a part of the Civil Rights Movement. Ever since then, he has remained at the vanguard of progressive social movements and the human rights struggle in the United States.

As a student at Fisk University, John Lewis organized sit-in demonstrations at segregated lunch counters in Nashville, Tennessee. In 1961, he volunteered to participate in the Freedom Rides, which challenged segregation at interstate bus terminals across the South. Lewis risked his life on those Rides many times by simply sitting in seats reserved for white patrons. He was also beaten severely by angry mobs and arrested by police for challenging the injustice of Jim Crow segregation in the South.

During the height of the Movement, from 1963 to 1966, Lewis was named Chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC), which he helped form. SNCC was largely responsible for organizing student activism in the Movement, including sit-ins and other activities.

While still a young man, John Lewis became a nationally recognized leader. By 1963, he was dubbed one of the Big Six leaders of the Civil Rights Movement. (The others were Whitney Young, A. Phillip Randolph, Martin Luther King Jr., James Farmer and Roy Wilkins). At the age of 23, he was an architect of and a keynote speaker at the historic March on Washington in August 1963.

In 1964, John Lewis coordinated SNCC efforts to organize voter registration drives and community action programs during the Mississippi Freedom Summer. The following year, Lewis helped spearhead one of the most seminal moments of the Civil Rights Movement. Hosea Williams, another notable Civil Rights leader, and John Lewis led over 600 peaceful, orderly protestors across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama on March 7, 1965. They intended to march from Selma to Montgomery to demonstrate the need for voting rights in the state. The marchers were attacked by Alabama state troopers in a brutal confrontation that became known as "Bloody Sunday." News broadcasts and photographs revealing the senseless cruelty of the segregated South helped hasten the passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Despite more than 40 arrests, physical attacks and serious injuries, John Lewis remained a devoted advocate of the philosophy of nonviolence. After leaving SNCC in 1966, he continued his commitment to the Civil Rights Movement as Associate Director of the Field Foundation and his participation in the Southern Regional Council's voter registration programs. Lewis went on to become the Director of the Voter Education Project (VEP). Under his leadership, the VEP transformed the nation's political climate by adding nearly four million minorities to the voter rolls.

Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

From Outrage to Grief: Trying to Understand

When I read the news this morning, my outrage boiled over, pooling into disbelief. As the day wore on, it evolved into something akin to grief.

I have decided it to be a good thing that I am shocked, as opposed to nodding sagely and murmuring that "I am not surprised."

I am shocked and I am surprised. Profoundly so.

The insanely angry, sputtering atmosphere the Tea Baggers have created allowed one of their peculiar fetishists to think it a grand idea to yell "nigger" at John Lewis, who has lived a life of integrity and service, first as a civil rights leader, and then as an elected representative from Georgia.

Obscenities were shouted at other members of the Black Caucus, and, just to be equal opportunity bigots, Barney Frank had to endure lisps and being called a "faggot."

Someone spit on Congressman Cleaver of Missouri.**

Signs screamed: "If Brown can't stop it, a Browning can" and "We came unarmed [this time]." Then there is the artwork depicting President Obama, sporting a Hitleresque moustache for good measure, being shat out the arse of an ass.

ADDENDUM:

And racism and gay-bashing apparently wasn’t all. Add anti-Semitism to the list.

A staffer in Rep. Anthony Weiner’s office reported a stream of hostile encounters with tea partiers roaming the halls of Congress. The less harmful stuff was mockery. But they left a couple of notes behind. One asked what Rahm Emanuel did with Weiner in the shower, in a reference to... ex-Rep Eric Massa. It was signed with a swastika, the staffer said. The other note called the congressman “Schlomo Weiner,” among other [things].

There is good stuff being written every minute of every day, and some of it helps me to understand the fear-filled feelings of disenchantment (or whatever, searching for an honorific mot juste on behalf of the right wing nauseates me right now).

But not much tops what The Onion did last November. It came back to mind as I attempted to watch Meet the Press and skim commentary on yesterday's doings because the Word of the Day for Republicans, in advance of the historic House vote on health care reform, turned out to be unconstitutional.

If I thought something unconstitutional, I'd use that argument straight away, and not pull it triumphantly out of my... hat -- at the very last. But that's just me.

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.

"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."

According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to strip it of its religious foundation.

"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."

"Men like Madison and Jefferson were moved by the ideals of Christianity, and wanted the United States to reflect those values as a Christian nation," continued Mortensen, referring to the "Father of the Constitution," James Madison, considered by many historians to be an atheist, and Thomas Jefferson, an Enlightenment-era thinker who rejected the divinity of Christ and was in France at the time the document was written. "The words on the page speak for themselves."

According to sources who have read the nation's charter, the U.S. Constitution and its 27 amendments do not contain the word "God" or "Christ."

Mortensen said his admiration for the loose assemblage of vague half-notions he calls the Constitution has only grown over time. He believes that each detail he has pulled from thin air—from prohibitions on sodomy and flag-burning, to mandatory crackdowns on immigrants, to the right of citizens not to have their hard-earned income confiscated in the form of taxes—has contributed to making it the best framework for governance "since the Ten Commandments."

"And let's not forget that when the Constitution was ratified it brought freedom to every single American," Mortensen said.

Mortensen's passion for safeguarding the elaborate fantasy world in which his conception of the Constitution resides is greatly respected by his likeminded friends and relatives, many of whom have been known to repeat his unfounded assertions verbatim when angered. Still, some friends and family members remain critical.

"Dad's great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird ideas into his head," said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College in Portland, OR. "He believes the Constitution allows the government to torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn't even know that it guarantees universal health care."

Mortensen told reporters that he'll fight until the bitter end for what he roughly supposes the Constitution to be. He acknowledged, however, that it might already be too late to win the battle.

"The freedoms our Founding Fathers spilled their blood for are vanishing before our eyes," Mortensen said. "In under a year, a fascist, socialist regime has turned a proud democracy into a totalitarian state that will soon control every facet of American life."

"Don't just take my word for it," Mortensen added. "Try reading a newspaper or watching the news sometime."

**Battery: A battery is the willful or intentional touching of a person against that person’s will by another person, or by an object or substance put in motion by that other person. Please note that an offensive touching can constitute a battery even if it does not cause injury, and could not reasonably be expected to cause injury. A defendant who emphatically pokes the plaintiff in the chest with his index finger to emphasize a point may be culpable for battery (although the damages award that results may well be nominal). A defendant who spits on a plaintiff, even though there is little chance that the spitting will cause any injury other than to the plaintiff's dignity, has committed a battery.