Tuesday, March 25, 2014

For Dobby (Again)

a repost from last summer. it is never wrong to extol this little guy.  i find him sitting quietly next to me as i do my squirming, spazzing, and screams. he's more helpful than any pharmaceutical; he's pure love, our dobby.

*****   *****   *****

dobby under his brother fuzzbucket's lovingly applied rear naked choke.  dobby is always the wronged one, hence that haunting little star face, pleading for rescue. he remains 90% angel and 10% house elf.

For Dobby

The mucus sac of clammy grey
held you in its strong stone shade,
but who ponders the amniotic tint 
of mirky placenta?

(One is more challenged by its slime than its hue --

except that there was iridescence:
a window in, and a mirror refusing entry,
both; a slick uterine shimmer
repeating reflection's echo
between attraction and repulsion.)

A feral mother's long hairs spun
the moisture of birth into unctuous yarn, 
luxurious snowy strands coated
in melted sanguine maternal mystery,

the all serenaded by mewled complaint
as she gave up on you, the final kitten.
Liquid eyed, she hissed at last, and spat,
glared at us and at life's mess: her first four.

A wriggling membrane, half born, 
flashing nebulae of twirling bright whites,
intimations of very pink punctuation, dotted
outrage, hasty hints of pearlized claws and
anxious padded feet.

He grabbed hold with a ruddy hand muscled with curved strengths 
and gently pulled you from asphyxia, out of oxygen's debt 
and the dark, dank chambers of the queen.

He set the globe of you on my rough teal towel
whose one swift rub broke the holy seal
of the tiny one she'd given up on. 

The stars a forehead, a chest placket. 
The pink whorls a pert nose, perfect ears,
a confusion of paw pads --

but most of you as pearly glaucous 
as the original waxy package.  Tucked 
next a bulging teat, the warmth of dried
and silky siblings, you chose to climb
your mother's head instead --

and perched, drowned rat of a runt,
content, asleep, upon her silken nape, 
blind, cold, and born.

© 2013 L. Ryan
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Sunday, March 23, 2014

I just had sex and it felt so good (Felt so good)

I think, now that I am sick of McConnelling, that this is the perfect one.  Of course, what would be perfect, po-li-tic-all-y, involves the Secret Service turning up at my door.  With some sort of award cast in pure gold.  Hefty, really weighty.  Then they could give me a lift to the nearest pawn shop, stand guard while I traded in my voluminous meritorious medal or huge trophy for cold, diminishing cash.  Each Secret Service agent would receive, as is proper, a generous gratuity.  Spread wealth, Friends, spread wealth.


Here's #McConnelling to The Lonely Island's super-crafted tune "I Just Had Sex":

Sometimes somethin' beautiful happens
In this world
You don't know how to express yourself
So you just gotta sing

I just had sex and it felt so good
(Felt so good)
A woman let me put my penis inside of her
I just had sex and I'll never go back
(Never go back)
To the not-having-sex ways of the past

Have you ever had sex? I have, it felt great
It felt so good when I did it with my penis
A girl let me do it, it literally just happened
Havin' sex can make a nice man out the meanest

Never guess where I just came from, I had sex
If I had to describe the feeling, it was the best
When I had the sex, man, my penis felt great
And I called my parents right after I was done

Oh, hey, didn't see you there, guess what I just did?
Had sex undressed, saw her boobies and the rest
Was sure nice of her to let you do that thing
Nice of any girl ever, now sing

I just had sex and it felt so good
(Felt so good)
A woman let me put my penis inside of her
I want to tell the world

To be honest, I'm surprised she even wanted me to do it
Doesn't even really make sense, but, man, screw it
I ain't one to argue with a good thing, she could be my wife
That good? The best thirty seconds of my life

I'm so humbled by a girl's ability to let me do her
'Cause honestly, I'd have sex with a pile of manure
With that in mind, a soft, nice-smellin' girl's better
Plus, she let me wear my chain and my turtle-neck sweater

So this one's dedicated to them girls
That let us flop around on top of them
If you're near or far, whether short or tall
We want to thank you all for letting us fuck you

She kept lookin' at her watch
(Doesn't matter, had sex)
But I cried the whole time
(Doesn't matter, had sex)
I think she might've been a racist
(Doesn't matter, had sex)
She put a bag on my head
(Still counts)

I just had sex and my dreams came true
(Dreams came true)
So if you had sex in the last thirty minutes
Then you're qualified to sing with me

I just had sex
(Everybody sing)
And it felt so good
(We all had sex)
(Felt so good)
A woman let me put my penis inside of her
(I want to tell the world)
I just had sex and I'll never go back
(No, no, no)
To the not-having-sex ways of the past

Bettis, Jerrod / Franks, Justin / Schaffer, Akiva / Samberg, Andrew / Taccone, Jorma