Palin: Are Her Bumpits Too Tight?

After spending considerable time trying to understand what so many claim to see in Sarah Palin, I transitioned to wasting more of that time devising a plausible explanation for both her positive reception and her remarkable idiocy.

You know, tryin' not to infer too doggone much!

Eureka, my friends, eureka. Thanks to @Tweetin4Palin, it became clear to me that blood flow is being restricted and inappropriately diverted by these Bumpits that Palin clearly is never without -- and she must have spawned a Bumpits Craze among already off-kilter supporters. Goin' rogue with them Bumpits!

I know, I know. How to explain the masculine connection? I haven't noticed too many Bumpits among the men, though maybe I am not lookin' in the right places.

Oh, puh-leeze! Piece of cake, cuppa tea! The Bumpits Women are crafty and able. Simple lead poisoning can induce cognitive dysfunction for a good 50 years. Careful dosing with carbon monoxide provides that episodic kind of confusion that makes politics an absolute riot! And, of course, you cannot go wrong with heavy metals, though it might be good to take a class at the community college first -- especially if you're hoping to reverse whatever encephalopathy you cook up for hubby, hijo, and pawpaw.

Glad I could bring a little clarity to the situation. Again, if you are trying to understand Ms. Palin, as well as Ms. Palin as a phenomenon, the explanation is a two-parter:

1. Bumpits (Sarah and her militant mavens, women all) and

2. Subsequent poisoning (CO, lead, heavy metals ingested/inhaled by Palin Patriarchsl note that we did not even *begin* to discuss the possibilities for poisonous plants!)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sarah Palin Uses a Hand-O-Prompter
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Economy

schultz: more psycho talk from limbaugh

Sotomayor: Wise Latina

Good grief.

She is not bringing "racism" to the court. Rather, she is bringing, ineluctably and fundamentally, race itself, this smug little arriviste, this cheeky chica!

{Sorry. It's such a beautiful day!}

There is no need to fear a "bubbling crude" seeping out of the ground, bringing the Clampetts from the Ozarks to Beverly Hills -- in all their crudeness -- unprocessed and raw.

You'll feel better if you name it "life experience," more a considered thing of rich usefulness.

This reeling dance has caused some folks to reconsider that hefty concept of "empathy," and -- weirdly -- to announce that empathy scares the bejesus out of them.

OH, MY GOD. She might prove to be empathetic. And, I presume they presume, intellectually weak enough to be empathetic only toward sameness...

But I don't want her to overcome, aspire to overcome, or even consider overcoming, that which distinguishes her from the other justices.

Differences? How about *depth*?

I hope that she will plomb the depth of her differences -- not only as one more rich source of information, but also to heighten her awareness of areas wherein she may have bias. That's the hope I have for every Supreme Court Justice.

Hands Down

Ick Cheney, a walking, talking turdescent worm. Rush Limbaugh? Why should I break a sweat when Margaret and Helen are on the case?

Oops, is my microphone on? Did I say that out loud? (No, Wanda Sykes did not go too far. She barely touched the surface... and I hope she was wearing gloves.)

I thought Obama was fairly funny at the White House Press Corps thingy. Cheney's memoirs are tentatively titled "How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People." Okay, so I didn't bust a gut laughing or snort milk up my nose. Someone needs to explain to the President that real humor requires incongruity.

Ever reticent, Helen Philpot notes: "These morons have nothing left to offer. There are no solutions for peace. Instead we must always be ready for war. There are no solutions for poverty, instead we must carefully protect the wealth of the wealthy. There are no solutions for the environment, instead we must simply put our heads in the sand and pretend that life goes on forever – unchanging and without consequence. No wonder these guys look bloated and constipated. They’re full of shit, and lots of it."

Why don't we all just relax? Have a second cup of coffee, toast an english muffin. Treat the cat's ear mites.

Laughter is, indeed, the best medicine. It turns out that my O2 saturation rises into the proper 90s when I laugh! Here are some clips that ought to oxygenate your brain, too! Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner. (This is how it is done. Obama, Sykes -- take note.)

Banes of My Existence

I think this will be more of a "hodge-podge" than a "potpourri."

hodge-podge: Victorian; stew made from left‐over cooked meat with vegetables. -- A Dictionary of Food and Nutrition

hotch-pot mixture, medley XIV (spec. in cookery XV); (leg.) collation of properties to secure equality of division XVI. — AN., (O)F. hochepot, f. hocher shake + pot POT. Altered by rhyming assim. to hotchpotch XV, hodge-podge XVII. -- The Concise Oxford Dictionary of English Etymology

In yet another strange admission on my part, I have always loved the french verb hocher. There are certain words that have lovely mouth feel, not unlike the rich, smooth, luxuriant qualities of the fats and flavors in a homemade vanilla bean ice cream.

Or maybe it has something to do with the whole "ashhh"-aspiré issue. The French Aspirate H. Now, that is much too much ado about liaisons and elisions. The issue divides families along political lines, separates young from old, Taoists from Jews. Heartbreaking.

Wonderful news! With the help of my stellar kidney function, my CK level dropped from over 3,000 to 51. Snoopy-esque Happy Dance.

I singlehandedly managed to mess up our television reception, even the remote control, last evening. All I did, I swear, was to accidentally switch off the power strip to which every piece of electronic equipment in a 100 mile radius was attached. I was vacuuming (Bronze medalist, Wheelchair Vacuuming, Gimp Olympics 2007) I figure that it was excellent physical therapy; Also, when the cat hair completely covers the 16th century stone paving and the fancy-schmancy linoleum (Welsh deo gratias tiles), well it's time to stop waiting on the Merry Maids Housecleaning Service to show up. Do you remember the only eighteenth century Karabagh rug in the whole of Our Manor, Marlinspike Hall? I just managed to get the hot yellow mustard out of it and now it looks like a fuzzy cashmere sweater, as Marmy the Longhaired *Ack*-*Ack*-er has been rolling her little fluffy butt all over it, "one of The Captain's most prized antique rugs of the Caucasus."

It took me the better part of 3 hours to get the television on speaking terms with the DVR, and then we discovered that the remote control -- the bane of my existence* -- wasn't in the mood to control much of anything. We had to, gasp, rediscover that difficult old life of pushing the actual buttons on the equipment. My index finger is sore. I made my typical announcement for when it is late and I am stymied: "Let's deal will it in the morning." It's not a bad idea, you know -- fresh eyes. I fairly leapt out of bed this morning and managed to have everything electronic back to normal before my first cup of coffee.

I caught a brief very sober give-and-take between the CNN anchor and some Pretty-Young-Thing-Posing-As-An-Economic-Pundit. In that moment, the fall-back position of the more extreme-right citizens of the Republican Party was made clear. The gist? "Hey, it looks like a fair number of the world's more respectable nations are pursuing their own very expensive stimulus plans... So maybe it isn't as dumb an idea as we have been saying, eh?"

Ahhh, the Law of Association, maybe the first thing one learns in algebra, looms large on CNN and in the minds of the aforementioned citizens. Remember? Sit back, relax, and take yourself back to the days of...

ASSOCIATIVE LAWS
The associative laws of addition and multiplication refer to the grouping (association) of terms and factors in a mathematical expression.
ADDITION
The algebraic form of the associative law for addition is as follows:
a+b+c=(a+b)+c=a+(b+c)
In words, this law states that the sum of three or more addends is the same regardless of the manner in which the addends are grouped.
MULTIPLICATION
The algebraic form of the associative law for multiplication is as follows:
a · b · c = (a · b) · c = a · (b · c)
In words, this law states that the product of three or more factors is the same regardless of the manner in which the factors are grouped.

I dunno. Maybe my little algebraic detour has no bearing on economic principles. It is maybe way more Obama-esque than Reagan-esque. Tant pis.

At least I got to laugh a little bit in my mouth. (I had to work in a way to reference this: A Deeper Look At Bad Lingo: When Did We Start Throwing Up In Our Mouths A Little Bit, And Why?)

In a sad way, I have arrived as a bloggeuse. Anonymous visited me this morning at 7:40, wishing to gently josh about a post on Laura Beckett. My first non-sensical rant. I am moved, so moved. I do hope Anonymous comes back -- as soon as she pulls her head out of her pink oversized panties...

Rush Limbaugh continues to amaze me -- I guess that is mostly because I have never really paid any attention to his craziness -- or his pink oversized panties. It is easy to trash Ted Kennedy; It is also representative of the lowest common denominator of thought(lessness), and, well, it is also crass, and rude. I won't argue about what kind of éloge Kennedy will deserve, but I tend toward kindness. He has done many good things. Limbaugh, on the other hand? Surely his incessant anger (not to mention the cigars) will one day be his demise. He will not be remembered for good things...

I realized only recently that all of those people and things at which I scoffed (or that I actively ignored) because I thought they were not to be taken seriously -- must be taken seriously. Extremely seriously, if only out of respect. If only out of fear.

*From the Word Detective

Lassie Shut Up.

Dear Word Detective: I know what "bane" means and I can understand the term "the bane of my existence," but I was just wondering how the phrase came about. -- Lena, via the internet.

Well, you may know what "bane of my existence" means in the abstract sense, but you cannot possibly understand the true gravity of the phrase, because you do not live within earshot of my neighbor's dog. Said dog barks all night every night year round and, although it lives a half mile away, this dog possesses a nuclear larynx that can slice through double-pane windows, pillows and earplugs as piercingly as if it were chained under my bed. Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof. I am an animal lover who has even been known to put out food for field mice and possums, but there is no night as dark as the feelings I harbor for that idiot dog (and, of course, his idiot owner) at 4 a.m.

To say that something or someone is "the bane of my existence" means that the person or thing is a constant irritant or source of misery. As a cliché, "bane of my existence" has lost its edge to a large degree over the years, and today is most often applied to something that may profoundly annoy us but is certainly bearable. Telemarketers, for instance, have become the "bane" of many folks' existence, but few of us are sufficiently distressed to turn off our telephones, and while "spam" is a daily "bane," not many of us would dream of giving up the Internet. "Bane of my existence" is now almost always used in a semi-jocular, "what are you gonna do?" sense.

But "bane" was once a very serious word. The Old English "bana" meant literally "slayer" in the sense we now use "killer" or "murderer." Early on, the English "bane" was also used in the more general sense of "cause of death," and by the 14th century "bane" was used in the specialized sense of "poison," a sense which lives on in the names of various poisonous plants such as "henbane" and "wolfbane."

From this very literal "something that kills you" usage, "bane" by the 16th century had broadened into its modern meaning of "something that makes life unpleasant, a curse."

Rush, Shut the Hell Up

Margaret and Helen, each, never cease to amaze me and ease the tension in my jaw, at the same time.

Helen Philpot wrote this today:

Margaret dear, I need your help sorting all this out. Rush Limbaugh has a daily audience of 14 million morons- give or take a few rednecks - Howard excluded of course. So are we to believe that they all want Obama to fail? Do I have that right? I am a little confused by this recent turn of events because weren’t these the same peckerwoods who got so upset a few years back when a famous country western singer told about 2,000 people at a concert in London that she was ashamed that George Bush was from her home state?

Actually I believe her exact quote was, “Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas.” If I am not mistaken, conservatives everywhere were enraged - albums were burned, death threats ensued. It was treason.

But Margaret, let’s consider the following quotes attributed to Rush, another celebrity - albeit a celebrity who really gives renewed meaning to the saying a face made for radio:

“I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.”

“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.”

“If we are going to start rewarding no skills and stupid people - I’m serious, let the unskilled jobs, let the kinds of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do - let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work.”

“Bipartisanship only happens after one side has been defeated. Ask the Japanese after World War II. Ask the Germans.”

The same jackass who made those statements also said, “I want Barack Obama to fail.” And more recently he expounded on that statement when he said, “The dirty little secret is that every Republican in this country wants Obama to fail, but none of them have the guts to say so.” For goodness sakes, I am surprised he finds time to be so loquasious between the mouthfuls of donuts.

Personally, I think Rush Limbaugh is a big, fat pig. I can say that without worry because I am a big, fat bitch. But what he looks like is really just so much fodder for people like me who don’t like his politics. What he says, however… well that is another story.

Hypocrisy. It’s a powerful word. Republicans should look it up sometime.

Barack Obama is a sitting President of a country still at war and on the brink of economic disaster. And Rush wants failure? He is hoping for failure and 14 million listeners who call themselves conservative Americans are okay with that. But a country singer wishing the President didn’t come from her home state caused moral outrage. Has anyone gone and looked up that word hypocrisy yet? While you’re at it, look up the word culpable. Scratch that, just look up the word gluttony.

Of course, Limbaugh can say whatever he wants. It’s a free country. And people can stop buying albums when they don’t like the singer anymore. That’s what ”it’s a free country” means. And I can say that Rush Limbaugh is nothing more than than a fat, greed-filled radio star praying on the insecurities and ignorance of people who graduated high school thinking that they knew everything. Like I said - it’s a free country. You’re free to love it or even hate it if you want. All I ask is that you be honest with yourself about which of those two positions you have chosen to subscribe. Because considering the current state of the world, we will all succeed or fail together - like it or not.

Margaret, I know that Howard listens to Rush. I hope he doesn’t read our little blog. And know that if only because he loves you, I love him. I just wish he would check out the local NPR station once in awhile. I mean it. Really.

magnificent Rush Limbaugh parody credit