"I'm as Nimble as a Forest Creature"

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[Jewel and Doc are dancing together] 

Jewel: Say 'I'm as nimble as a forest creature.' 

Doc Cochran: You're as nimble as a forest creature. 

Jewel: No, say it about yourself. 

Doc Cochran: I'm as nimble as a forest creature.

This was posted over at American Idyll, Home of the Brave, and made me recall how much I loved Deadwood, and this scene in particular.

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It also made me think of others and of the necessity for a Deadwood marathon one of these -- those -- nights.  As much as I loved Al, Reverend Smith (Ray McKinnon) moved me;  The two of them, together?  I weep... In this first clip, the Reverend finds friends in Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant) and Sol Star (John Hawkes) -- may we all be so blessed when we are afflicted and lost.

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A favorite of language teachers everywhere:

[Wu is explaining his problem to Al by drawing pictures]
Mr. Wu: Bok Gwai Lo... cocksucka!
Al Swearengen: Yeah, glad I taught you that fuckin' word. These are whites, huh?Mr. Wu: White cocksucka! [shows empty bag]
Al Swearengen: Two white cocksuckers killed him and stole the dope that he was bringing to you.Mr. Wu: White cocksucka! You, Swedgin.
Al Swearengen: [suddenly enraged] The dope that you were gonna fuckin' sell to me?Mr. Wu: White cocksucka.
Al Swearengen: These two white cocksuckers? Who the fuck did it?Mr. Wu: Wu?
Al Swearengen: "Who," you ignorant fuckin’ chink!Mr. Wu: Wu!
Al Swearengen: Who? Who? Who stole the fucking dope?Mr. Wu: Cocksucka!
Al Swearengen: Aw, Jesus.

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My favorite bit of dialogue (at this moment):

Al Swearengen: We're forming a fucking government.

A. W. Merrick: Who is?

Al Swearengen: Us! You and me! Come to me in a vision! Ya stupid bastard.

:::::::::::::

Al Swearengen: Open the fucking canned peaches!

The favored one-liner, as determined by polling of living souls within Marlinspike Hall:

Farnum: Puberty may bring you to understand what we take for mother-love 

is really murderous hatred and a desire for revenge.

End of Semester Tradition: Rate Your Professor

One of my Brother-Units* is an English professor at a large public university where he teaches more than a fair share of comp classes. He's fed up with his department's grand plan of lowering expectations in the face of increasingly ill-prepared incoming Freshmen. It is not unusual for students, parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, guardians, former babysitters, and various administrators to make ardent appeals and complaints about his refusal to doctor grades, often bemoaning his insistence on measurable classroom participation and attendance. He really gets their attention when his interim grades end up benching a student athlete from a revenue-generating sports team.

Plus there is the occasional complaint about his growing tendency to drop F-Bombs when mightily frustrated.

He's a *fantastic* teacher. It's just a fact. The breadth and depth of his knowledge, plus the ability he has to make learning hilarious -- these are his greatest gifts. He cares a great deal about his students, but is not keen that they should know this.

In fact, he will go to inordinate lengths to prevent them from finding out the extent of his affection. One of our favored quotes, delivered by E. B. Farnum in an episode of Deadwood, reminds: Puberty may bring you to understand, what we take for mother love is really murderous hatred and a desire for revenge.

[Don't overthink it, Dear Reader.]

At one time or another, this particular brother and I have offered students, usually mid-rant, the following explanation of things, also borrowed from E. B.:

Public service was never my primary career.

The English department dictates the grading rubrique and general format for composition and survey courses. Students write two drafts of their compositions, the first edited by their prof for grammar and content, the second receiving peer review from a classmate, after which they have a week to craft the final paper. The Brother-Unit is available to help during some pretty generous office hours -- yet it's rare for anyone to turn up while there remains any wiggle-room in the computations. He will also deal with some things via timely email, though that route of communication is his least favorite. Remember Johnny?

I went to ratemyprofessor.com this morning to see what comp students had to say about my darling brother, Professor X, known to family and friends by his chosen nickname of Grader Boob. Below are his "reviews," updated and verbatim:

You have to work and pay attention in his class but the Dr. Grader Boob is very organized and knows the topic he is teaching. I thought he was friendly and have no negative criticism.

An unusual professor who uses rhetorical equivocations as a grading "answer" to a writer as if clarity is not what the student wants or needs to hear. This professor confuses jealousy with ability--and would never recognize a gifted writer. He teaches from a negative worldview, which adds unnecessary stress onto the student. This Ph.D. is troubled.

This class was difficult. You really have to go to class and pay attention. The assignments aren't very interesting and he grades them harshly. I'm usually an A English student and ended up with a mid-range B. He's a funny guy and knows his stuff. He's willing to help you and is fairly flexable.

You have to show up, work hard, and pay attention in his class. You have to participate and he WILL cut your grade if you don't show up. He almost made me lose my academic scholarship.

He's not the nicest person...he's very blunt and if you dont particpate then he gets upset about it

Great Professor! To pass his class though you have to attend every lecture meeting and complete all the assignments. Do not leave anything for the night before, it WON't work out.

I may be one of the few who liked this guy. He was always friendly and helped out when he could. His papers are very easy if you pay attention in class and TALK! he likes the class better if they talk. Dont piss him him off or your class will be miserable.

the man is a wack job. dont take this class.

He's a really cool guy, but he grades the essays really hard, so unless you know what you're doing, you had better pray for a C

Pretends like he's one of those cool teachers, but he's really not

Very Hard. Does not like what he reads.

Yes, he is a hard teacher. He gives difficult work and demands that you complete it all. My biggest complaint is that he is very unprofessional. He revealed individual students' grades in front of the class, insulted the entire class, and threw tantrums. However, my writing skills have improved.

Although Grader Boob comes off strong he is a great teacher. He is a tough grader but will answer any questions and always make time for hi students.

No Comment.

Great teacher! Knows what he is doing, and is always willing to help you out. Very tough grader, but well worth the work. Dr. X ROCKS!!!

Please stay away from this professor! He even told us that his best writers only get a mid B in the class. Got nothing but C's on my papers and as soon as a took 1102 with a different teacher i got an A on my first paper. He has somewhat lame humor and likes to cuss in class which was the only thing that helped. he is very moody! watch out!

I regret not dropping this class when I had the chance lets put it that way. He is not helpful, grades hard especially on the drafts. And he kicked entire class out one morning because nobody had any notes when he never said we had to have notes for the section we had to read. Drop before you take his class you are better off with another professor

Funny but not helpful what so ever

He is a very interesting professor and trys to involve everyone in his classa and get opnions. The class is difficult because most of it comes from 3 projects, but he helps it you ask for it. Ultimately he prepares his students well, and he is purposely ambiguous to offer writing freedom.

The guy is the Hitler of all English classes...As a matter of fact, you'd be better off having Hitler as your professor...Dr. X blows...DO NOT TAKE THIS CLASS!!!!..skip a semseter of english if you have to in order to get another teacher....STAY AWAY FROM THIS CLASS!!!

Good teacher but also very hard. Will make you work for the grade but you get to choose a lot of the projects yourself. Helps out a lot. Three absences equals a B at the highest. Just ask for help and you will get it.

artificially caps grades. First essay average is always low to try and scare people off. Last two improve but corners are cut to lower the grade in other areas such as participation. Claims a student can ace the class but then sets a flat average for an assignment to a B-. Avoid this professor, the only thing you can learn is frustration.

Terrible teacher who is unclear about any assignments. Out of all of his class 2/3rds of the way, the highest grade was a C and 60% of his students were failing, DON'T take this teacher. He curses in his lectures and actually dropped the F bomb in one of em. Someone stole his phone and his book too.

Great Teacher! You have to come to class, however to do well, and he grades pretty harshly. Funny guy, and very smart.

Pain in the butt to be around...degrading. Makes the students feel like total fools. Talks down to us and grades papers totally unfairly.

He's willing to help for the few that seek it. Overall grades over excessively to the point it reflects as him trying to find any kind of grammatical or MLA error than reading the papers' contents themselves. Most likely done to isolate and eliminate slackers but hurts everyone in the process. Save yourself the headache and take someone else.

X is a terrible professor. He is egotistical and has crazy mood swings. got a comp 1 class he grades way too difficult. other papers that i have seen from other classes that suck have made better grades than papers i worked my butt off on.

Horrible teacher and biased with his grading. Dropped the F bomb in class and wondered why one of his students had stolen his textbook. I would highly recommend NOT taking this class and picking another professor like Y who actually care about their students. This class isn't worth the time or the effort to struggle for a "C" or a "B".

this professor was one of the best professors in writing i've ever had. his class wasn't the easiest class but i learned a lot, one of the only teachers that actually grades on quality and not completion. really helpful, whenever i needed help, he helped me understand whatever i needed help with. class isn't that hard though, i have a B so far...

ok here's the deal, the rest of the people posting on prof X obviously haven't quite mastered the english language, i was late every day, he gave the answers to every quiz, and homework. so automatic A on all, the final he gives ansers to during the test. The projects sre easy, i got an A-B starting every one at 10:00 the night before. take him.

Demands both respect and hard work from his class. He is strict but fair. You can't slack off in his class, so don't try it.

Prof X is a pretty good teacher. He is a harder grader, but if you're willing to put the work he demands into your school work, you can do well. He will tell you that he is the hardest grader in the English department, and he could possibly be. I just can't stress enough that if you are not willing to work hard, you will not succeed in his class!

He is a very good teacher contrary to others belief. I did very well in class and he only flipped out on us one time the whole semester. He will tell you he is considered one of the hardest teachers at U but that's just a scare tactic. He's actually really good.

Yikes. He wears the same outfir every day or so...He grades fairly hard, and didn't give any good feedback, only negative. He even walked out in the middle of someone's presentation b/c he didn't like it. Crazy guy, not too nice, but if you work really, really hard, you might get a B-. A bit of a grupmy guss I think. Good luck, you'll need it!

Alright, GRADES HARD! Definitly not a class to slack in. He tries to show you what you did wrong, but you never really understand. Also he has a good sense of humor on his GOOD days, on bad days, shut up listen and leave.

Ok heres the deal..i suck at english and still got a b+ in his class. If you go to class, sit in the front and talk to him even if you have no idea hwta your talking about, he will grade you easier!!He's alrite just a hard grader (if he doesnt like you:)

Great Teacher. He is a tough grader and expects you to work to your full potential. Will always keep you busy with some assignment but explains everything well. Awesome sense of humor. If you are willing to work hard, then I recommend you take him. If you are a slacker, DO NOT sign up for him.

Very bad teacher whos got something to complain about on all of your papers. Very hard grader and complained on one of my papers "This information hasn't been seen in a new light". If you don't already have PH.D writing, don't waste your time in this class.

hard grader, if you aren't already mark twain, then don't expect anything better than a B (if you're lucky). he has lots of bad days. towards the end of the semester it seemed like his goal was to get as many students as possible to drop. he would scare us by telling us the majority was failing

Teaches usually early classes, but if you are looking for a good laugh in the morning, then take his class. Very hard grader but always available to help. Teaches from a student's point of view and tries to make curriculm more interesting. Be willing to work, but overall a good professor.

I really enjoy this professor. He grades hard by a lot of peoples standards, but I believe he grades pretty fairly. The class is fun because of him, he gives you a lot of laughs, and a sort of carefree environment. He likes to get things done. Not a good class to slack off in. Great teacher.

This teacher is a complete nazi! Very hard to get a good grade, I do not think he wants anyone to recieve a B or higher. He grades super hard and writes comments that make students feel stupid. You won't learn anything new either. He expects you to be a perfect english major writer or graduate level

I am going to cry now, please get out of this class as fast as you can.



*My other Brother-Unit is a bookie and Grand Canyon trekker guide. I am still trying to figure out how to write that up...

Open the canned peaches!

Al Swearengen: We're forming a fucking government.
A. W. Merrick: Who is?
Al Swearengen: Us! You and me! Come to me in a vision! Ya stupid bastard.

*A repost. Swearengen is timeless.

Aces over eights

I am passing through episodes of approximately 30-60 seconds of 10 out of 10 pain. Passing through as in stepping into the light mist of a gamey perfume -- and out again -- a delicate lunge, a tantalizing twirl into the rank emanations of owwwww -- and out again. Et ainsi de suite.

Ten out of ten: I have maintained that such a score would never be attained (by me), precisely because of what it is supposed to mean -- the worst pain imaginable.


The worst pain imaginable? Right off the bat, dès le début, I have issues. My imagination, a well-conditioned muscle, really should not be invited to the party. As an undergrad, I chose to satisfy my math requirement by taking a course in logic -- taught by a former priest whose defrocking story was mythic. I went on to almost major in medieval philosophy. Probably would have afforded me a more lively job market...

Professor Ryan made it so that this can never be just the issue of ten... because there is also the issue of zero.

In between the waves of ten are times of seven, eight -- there where I normally subsist. Ach, mein gott.

My good sense is floundering.

Fred, in Fred's goodness, is pulling chauffeur duty again this coming week. Monday: Dr. Boutiqueur, followed by Dr. PainDude. Tuesday: ID-Man and the Infusion Center Gals. Wednesday: Repeat Tuesday, plus see SuperTall PA to Dr. ShoulderMan.

Then ring in the damned new year.

Lindsay Wagner looks like death warmed over -- a great thing for a spokesperson for the Sleep Number Bed -- drab from head-to-toe in browns, a testament to verbal sepia. I am not so much sleep-inspired, looking at her, as worn out.

We've shut ourselves up in our little apartment off the roomy kitchen in the East Wing of Marlinspike Hall. Holed up. Huddled in seclusion. Not that there is anyone from whom to hide. The Castafiore is out driving Miss Daisy crazy, as we call her Sunday evening shenanigans. The felines are nowhere to be found. They did not appear underfoot at the sounds and smells of Fred Cuisine, which normally finds the trio circling our feet much as might three tiny sharks.

Three little *land* sharks, that is. Sly. Cunning. "Candygram!"




I have slept only four hours since Friday. The details before that are rather sketchy. I've not been fun to be around and seek to correct that moral failing.

Wa Hoo. Yee Haw.

There.

My mind strays -- you may have noticed -- and I smile, thinking of my friend Diana-with-an-H and her most recent trip to Deadwood in South Dakota.

I love Diana-with-an-H. She totally *gets* me and chooses laughter as the best response to most everything. Well, that's probably not totally accurate. Better to say that I've yet to see a sad circumstance that could control her hilarious nature. Combine that with a good heart and, yep, you've got an exceptional person.

From time to time, she feels the need to gamble. To get the hell out of Dodge. {insert a westernism here} Do I live vicariously through her? You betcha. I don't believe that I've hit 10 on the pain scale since thinking of her, happy out in a snowstorm, soaking up history, and sharing it with me -- far away, wimping out, all whiney. What a gift! Here follows her email to me -- that she scribbled upon getting home -- knowing. You get that? Knowing!

(I'm so far away from ten. I feel it and I don't. The smile of friendship, even the memory of the smile -- wipes it away.)

We made it home safe and sound. As we were throwing our bags and sacks in
the house, I was putting everything away and already have a load of laundry
going...

Rapid City was crazy with shoppers today.. We just hit three
stores and all had to do with Hunting... Cabalas-Shields-Blackhills Archery..
and then we were on the road.. too many people.

Last night, we had the
coolest trolley car driver who was giving us and another young couple a history
tour of Deadwood....

It was snowing so hard and the wind was blowing
that we jumped on the trolley car going the other direction, just to get out of
the snow....

He was talking about the Adam's Family. He was a merchant
in DW that made a ton of money and built a Mansion back in the 1800 and it still
stands today.. He also gave DW the money for the Museum. with one condition..
they never "charge" anyone to see it....

The road going to his Mansion
is also the same road to the Grave yard were Wild Bill and Calamity is buried...
You can go on tours of the Mansion also....

During the small pox break
out.. that Calamity helped with and also, every person she took care of.. did
not die.. however over 300 children died during this break-out.. and all our in
the grave-yard....

Wild Bills' Wife, who he said 'was the love of his
life" was in a Circus when they met and was said she was very pretty... Wild
Bill was only in DW for 6 weeks when he was shot...

His goal was to get
rich off of the gold in DW for his wife and him... He met Calamity in Cheyenne
WY and they both signed up to be "out-riders" for the wagon train bringing
supplies to DW... (out-riders rode ahead and checked the trails and looked for
Indians and problems)

It's said that Bill admired Calamity for her
Courage and he always tipped his hat to her....
But they say she grew up
very poor and a very rough childhood and she was built like a Man for those days
and also she never took a bath....

They say she left DW for three years
and came back with a 7 yr old child, a girl... well.. she was still such a drunk
and cuss and filthy.. that the State of S.D. came in and took the child away
from her..... She told everyone this was her child.. but the timing did not
match.. so they wonder if she might have found this child stranded.. no one
knows for sure....

They also said the Sheriff Bullock Never Once had to
use a Gun to take someone to Jail.. they said he stood 6'6 and had Gray Eye's
that looked right though you... they said he was a huge man and huge shoulders
and huge Hands..... big big Man.....

Some of the books say Wild Bill and
Comity were Lovers, but this was not true.. she said he was her "best-friend"
and she loved him but not in the sex way...

Wild Bills wife came to DW
and saw his grave and thought about taking him back East.. but decided this was
his final resting place and he needed to stay there. That was the one and only
time she was there....

This spring, lane and I are going to go to the
Mansion and Museum and Grave Yard... so I'll be sure to get pictures....

We were talking about the show DW and this guy was telling us how much
history and a lot of things are True or close to the truth of the real story....

He was telling us some kids went and stolid the Last Chinese Head Stone
two months ago out of the grave yard.. but they got caught and it's been placed
back on the grave..... So that's good.. also very sad....

We were
talking about it being BAD KARMA to steal from a grave yard... gives me the
creeps......

While we were on the trolley car.. I was thinking of you
and how much you would LOVE this and the stories being told....

So..
wanted to tell you about them before I forgot......

Christmas Day I had
Prim Rib-Ham-Scalloped Potatoes and fried shrimp.. Last night was Prim Rib and a
ton of Crab Legs... Yummy.....
Tonight.. Mom's making chili....

Okay.... Hope things were nice and quiet and pain-less as could be for
You.....

Good Night... Love Dianah

Pain? What pain? I am all smiles.