"You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch"

Nothing gets me in the holiday spirit more than this contribution to the season from the great Dr. Seuss. It comes in handy when dealing with various grouches and nutters who seem to delight in Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa malfeasances. Of course, true Masters and Mistresses of Muck are active year round -- this is just the time when the rest of us are easy targets. We are full of unrealistic expectations, selective memories of childhood holiday wonders, rich food, and the unrelenting stress of trying to please everyone.

The Grinch anthem also plays upon the lips when a person has to deal with co-workers who are big bad meanies, like the infamous Condescending Nurse...


You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.


You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.


You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.


I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.


You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.


Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.


You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.


The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."


You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.


Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.


You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.


You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce.


Copyright © 1957, Dr. Seuss.