Snort!

reposted from 4/2009

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk

A carton of eggs

A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce

A 2 lb. can of coffee

A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked
at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , "Yes you are correct . But how
on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

From Margaret and Helen's place, comment by Honolulu Sally on April 21, 2009
at 5:47 PM.

Had I been drinking milk, it woulda gone out my nose. Honolulu Sally was commenting after a post that included the Susan Boyle saga -- so this was a nice counterpoint to virulent political correctness. 'Splain to me, though, why the guy has to be a drunk, a derelict? That makes it funnier?

[addendum: it's over a year later and i know the answer to that question. we suppose that drunks, like children, are simple, either by nature or acquired chemistry, and therefore speak nothing but the uninhibited truth.]

I am awful at telling jokes and stories, always forgetting the order of things and schtuff like the punchline. My favorite joke?

Ahem. Cough. Cough. Okay:

Three guys walk into my bar.
I yell: "Get the hell out of my bar!"

I think of it as The Preemptive Strike of Jokes.