Monday, September 14, 2009

The Zit Poppers' Manifesto by Emilbus of PTZ

Let your Freak Flag fly!

Zit Poppers Unite:

There seems to be a lot of misunderstandings about people who
• Have zits
• Pop zits
• Obsess over zits
• Stare at other peoples zits

First and foremost-EVERYONE has an opinion on zits. Some people think they are gross (these are usually secret zit poppers), those who think they are fun and those who think they are fascinating. Zit poppers do not discriminate; they come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and walks of life. Not all zit poppers are the same, however. The fascination with zits and zit popping can take many different forms.

Enthusiastic zit poppers: These people are not only anxious to pop their own zits but always secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) want to pop any zit they see. These people are the ones who run to the restroom if you tell them they have a zit. They do not go there to try to hide the zit but instead to estimate EPPT (Estimated Prime Popping Time).

Patient zit poppers: These incredibly patient people are content to just let nature take its course and wait until just the right time to let that baby explode. They are in no rush. The building excitement is what motivates these zit poppers.

Obsessive zit poppers: Normally, the obsessive zit poppers will check their face (and frequently the rest of their body) for zits quite frequently throughout the day. Any zit, any size or shape and it must be popped immediately for satisfaction to be obtained.

OPZP: These fascinating people do have some interest in their own zits but the real excitement comes when they observe and (hold onto your hats) even get the chance to pop other peoples zits. OPZP stands for “Other people’s zit poppers”. They fantasize about popping the zits of other people. When they are talking to someone who has a juicy zit, they are not really listening. They are imagining themselves reaching out and setting that compilation of pus loose.

Casual zit poppers: These zit poppers have no particularly strong feelings about zits but they will, on occasion, take pleasure in aiding a zit explosion. Casual zit poppers often develop into another more intense type of zit popper, but not always.

No one is immune from zits and there is no one who has absolutely never taken an interest in at least one zit in their life. Even people who find zits completely gross often find themselves fascinated (albeit sickened) when they do pop a zit. For some unexplained reason, it is human nature. Perhaps it is something like primates who pick lice off of themselves and other primates-it’s just what they do.

Every zit popper also has their favorite type of zit as no two zits are created equal. There are some who prefer the meekness of a little whitehead. Some are trying to pop a zit that has barely surfaced and is still just a red bump. The pus factor varies from person to person. Some like just a little pus and others wait until just the right time when the pressure built up by the pus is just right, then they pop it. Ahhhh, satisfaction at last.

People from all walks of life are zit poppers, some just keep it a secret. These people are often found late at night on the web looking for videos of popping zits. They would never admit to their addiction to these sights but they are there none-the-less. Some are just the opposite and are downright enthusiastic about their zit popping adventures. Of course, they realize they have to be careful with whom they share their love of zits but they never really try to hide it. They invite people over to watch videos of popping zits. They are known in the zit popping circles as “zit fanatics”.

There really is nothing one can do if they just happen to love popping zits, or popping other peoples zits, or watching people pop zits. There are more people who have this love of zits than you may ever know. Some lucky zit poppers make the acquaintance of others that share their hobby. There should be no shame in zit popping, especially if you do it in the privacy of your own home. It is not recommended you obsessively try to pop zits and attract attention to it in public places. This often leads to getting banned from those places! Never let anyone shame you for being a zit popper. Everyone has their quirks and the person who is berating you for being a zit popper is probably a nose picker.

Zit poppers can take comfort that they are not alone. The person standing next to you could quite possibly be a zit fanatic. You just never know, do you? Gardeners are known for taking great pride in a sprouting plant that they have planted and tended. On the other hand, there are zit poppers who will pop no zit before it is time. They know precisely when that zit is ready to explode and they find great satisfaction in that. Gardener-Zit popper; same thing really.

Almost everyone gets zits. Even the most obsessively hygienic person can have zits because they are just a fact of life. Zit poppers are often stereotyped and treated badly when they are just like every other member of society. Everyone has their kinks so don’t let anyone tell you that yours is wrong. Often, the harshest judges of zit poppers have habits much worse than simply releasing a pus-filled skin imperfection. There are eye pickers, nose pickers, ear diggers and all sorts of people with bizarre little habits. Zit poppers unite! Stand proud whether you admit your quirk to the world or not, you should never let anyone generalize about you. So, you’re a zit popper. It could be worse. You could be a serial killer. Hold your head up high and keep on blasting those zits. It is said that 3 out of every 4 people is a zit popper. Of course, it is also said that 75% of statistics are made up on the spot.

No comments:

Post a Comment

The Haddock Corporation's newest dictate: Anonymous comments are no longer allowed. It is easy enough to register and just takes a moment. We look forward to hearing from you non-bots and non-spammers!