"If it quacks like a Duck and sets a Quran on fire then it must be a Republican"

God Loves A Good Book Burning
by: Helen Philpot | September 9, 2010

Margaret, did we really expect anything less? Religious intolerance has defined the Republican Party for almost 30 years now. A culture of life. Family values. America’s Christian Heritage. The sanctity of marriage. Gays in the military. Prayer in school. A mosque in Manhattan. For goodness sakes, the current leaders of the Republican Party (Palin, Limbaugh, and Beck) have been screaming about a Muslim family in the White House for months now. It was only a matter of time before someone called for a good ‘ole fashion book burning. Does it really matter if that book is the Quran instead of The Catcher in the Rye?


There is just one thing I haven’t been able to figure out yet. How many more groups of people does the Republican Party have to hate before its members finally call for a new platform? Those signs they carry at their rallies are getting pretty full. The print will have to be pretty small at the next Beck rally to fit God Hates Gays, Jews, Blacks, Muslims, Clinton (him and her), the Liberal Media, Obama, Pelosi, French Fries, Activists Judges, Environmentalists, Feminists, Mexicans, and small puppies. Maybe they can just print up a sign that simply says God Hates Everyone Who Isn’t Like Me.


And trust me Margaret. The minute Matthew puts this on that web page blog of ours, a bunch of jack-asses are going to tell us that God hates us too and we shouldn’t generalize all Republicans like that. Well all I have to say is if it quacks like a Duck and sets a Quran on fire then it must be a Republican.


If you vote Republican today, what exactly are you voting for? It’s certainly not smaller government. If you vote Republican today you are telling “Pastor” Terry Jones that fifty religious fanatics are more important than any chance for world peace. You are telling Sarah Palin that when it comes to the presidency - pretty is more important than smart. You are telling Glenn Beck that honesty isn’t really necessary if you have your own cable news show on Fox. You are telling Michele Bachmann that hearing voices in your head isn’t cause for alarm. Hell, if you vote Republican today you might as well just shove a few more dollars in Rush Limbaugh’s pockets and a few more pills in his mouth. It’s all very entertaining, I’ll give you that. But considering what they did when we gave them the keys to the car the last time, are you really ready to put them behind the wheel again so soon? I’m just not sure there are that many more countries we can bomb, world religions we can vilify and oil wells we can drill before the rest of the world calls us on our bullshit.


Here’s a thought. If Pastor Jones is so dead set on burning a book he should just wait until The George Bush Memoirs come out. After all, everyone knows the only thing God loves more than a good book burning is a burning Bush.


If the Democrats can’t muster enough votes to beat this bunch of yahoos then we deserve what we get on November 3rd. Besides, Harold said we could move to Canada and you know how much I love Anne Murray.


Vote Republican and burn a Quran. Same difference. I mean it.  Really.

The blog Margaret and Helen, comprised mostly of Helen Philpot's right-as-rain commentary to her friend Margaret Schmechtman, is my absolute favorite bit of wit on the web.  From About Margaret and Helen:

My name is Helen Philpot. I am 82 years old. My grandson taught me how to do this so that I could “blog” with my best friend Margaret Schmechtman who I met in college almost 60 years ago. I have three children with my husband Harold. Margaret has three dogs with her husband Howard. I live in Texas and Margaret lives in Maine.

If you haven't checked them out, you are missing a lot of truth and laughter. Don't worry about possibly being offended or nonplussed or whatever, because these ladies are as easygoing and nonsectarian as it is possible to be.

I mean it.

Really.