"Tired and Bored With Myself..."

I've been up almost all night again, despite various efforts to trick myself into resting. 

The list of possible causes is a tired, overused list.  I disappoint myself -- I neither resolve these recurring issues nor put them aside as something manageable like "my lot in life" or "the hand I was dealt."

Very Springsteen, very Dancing in the Dark (Well, there is no reason I shouldn't flatter myself a bit.  Whose blog is it, anyway?):

I get up in the evening

and I ain't got nothing to say

I come home in the morning

I go to bed feeling the same way

I ain't nothing but tired

Man I'm just tired and bored with myself

Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire

You can't start a fire without a spark

This gun's for hire

even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer

radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place

I check my look in the mirror

I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face

Man I ain't getting nowhere

I'm just living in a dump like this

There's something happening somewhere

baby I just know that there is

You can't start a fire

you can't start a fire without a spark

This gun's for hire

even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older

there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me

I'll shake this world off my shoulders

come on baby this laugh's on me

Stay on the streets of this town

and they'll be carving you up alright

They say you gotta stay hungry

hey baby I'm just about starving tonight

I'm dying for some action

I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book

I need a love reaction

come on now baby gimme just one look

You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart

This gun's for hire

Even if we're just dancing in the dark

You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart

This gun's for hire

Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Hey baby

Well, I need to carefully shower (the incisions to the port are red and angry), dress in brightly colored soft organic cotton clothing, put on a smile, try to trim my nails, charge my mp3 player, and head on out for Subanesthetic Ketamine Treatment Number 3. I am thinking that this time the dose ought to be over 100 mg. I pray for some sign that the stuff is working.

In the interim, the plan is to fake it until I make it.
In this mean time, we are dancing in the dark.