Prof is Pissed and Buddy the Kitten Finally Goes UP!

I am, as they say in the Southern Realms of the United States of America, fit to be tied.

First, I'm febrile, oh so febrile, as febrile as febrile can be....    ♪ ♫

Second, there is a person on YouTube who keeps leaving me kind messages.  The person claims to be a Mom whose son was cured of CRPS by a contraption and bless her, she thinks I should get cured by a contraption, too.

And all those good wishes and sweet suggestions are about to piss me off in a royally major way.
That's what you get for ending all your messages to me with a cheerful "God bless" and for being all conciliatory and stuff.

This person is pushing the bleeping Calmare Magic Poof-the-Pain-Away Crap Technology... and you probably haven't heard of it, but then you probably don't hang out on message boards dealing with CRPS.  It's utter nonsense and is being put out there by the devious, the deviant, and the people that the devious and the deviant have hoodwinked.

By the way, no one should hang out on message boards dealing with CRPS. It's not a healthy habit.  I mean, you get a bunch of people who are not getting better (why else would they be there?), who are, by self-definition, People of Pain, and who are likely socially isolated due to disability, the aforementioned pain, and pain's stalwart companion, depression.  It just sounds like so much... FUN! 

So that's a rule, then.  No hanging out in such spots.  But a regular check on good threads, that's permitted.  I would be lost without the helpful suggestions I encounter on those boards -- where to find the softest clothes, what doctor is doing what treatment, news of clinical trials, morbid jokes. 

Mostly, though, I check in -- at least 3 times a week -- to take a look in a mirror, mentally as much as physically.  Has anyone else considered taking a chainsaw to their legs?  After we lop off one arm, who can we rely on to get rid of the other one?  Important things.

I also check in to see if what is happening to me should send me screaming into the frozen hinterlands or if it is just part of the normal abnormality of this weird, weird disease.  Like the fact that my leg is leaking... Or that I have 2 blue toes, 1 red, and 2 tartan plaids.  It is somewhat reassuring to see pictures of other people's fingernails -- Hey, their nails are falling off and cruddy looking, too!

I promise you, however, that it will be a cold day in Hell before I author any version of the phrase "Being here makes me feel less alone..."   I suppose I should explain myself, but I'm not going to.  Because I know what I mean.  And whose blog is it, anyway?  Harrumph, squared.

Back to this irritant of a Calmare thingy.

At the moment, the only physician in the entire United States who has suckled at the tit of the inventor of the Calmare Magic Poof-the-Pain-Away Crap Technology is one Dr. D'Amato, of Rhode Island (or so I hear, over here in Tête de Hergé, where there is no illness, of course, nor traffic accidents).

Yeah, there *is* a guy opening up 14 pain clinics using the Calmare Magic Poof-the-Pain-Away Crap Technology (Spero Pain Relief Therapy clinics).  Guess what?  He's an OB/Gyn.  Just who I want doing pain management for a central nervous system degenerative disorder.  More from him in a moment.

Cut me some slack today, would'ya?
Give me some latitude.
I don't feel well and I can't get a'holt o'that there magic poof machine (and it ain't covered by insurance, neither.)

Ahem.  Okay.  The ibuprofen is kicking in.  I love ibuprofen.  I should own stock...

Speaking of stock: CTT is the parent company in the USA...and it's now a penny stock.  Or almost -- it closed today at 1.70.  Because some rubber-stamping idiot approved Calmare Magic Poof-the-Pain-Away Crap Technology as a vendor to the VA, all the devious, deviants, and the hoodwinked are going on and on about how if it's good enough for our Wounded Warriors at the "flagship" Walter Reed (I'm thinking they don't read the Washington Post), then, by gum, it's good enough for you CRPSers!

The Italian inventor was less circumspect, if you can believe it.  He claimed that Calmare Magic Poof-the-Pain-Away Crap Technology could reverse aging.

Now you're talking!

Meet, my friends, Giuseppe Marineo, and his explanatory woo and gobbledy-gook from the Italian arm of operations, Delta R&D:

Delta R&D is a bioengineering research centre with a unique history. It was born out of individual research work begun in 1983 by Giuseppe Marineo, a researcher and bioengineer, who advanced theories to reformulate the concept of disease (and the corresponding treatment) from a biophysical rather than biochemical point of view. The idea was to restructure the known features of both according to the principles of thermodynamics by means of an analysis and the detailed specification of the relations between entropy, disease, repair processes and ageing.


This new approach to the interpretation of the traditional aspects of medical science makes it possible to go from a highly heuristic system to an extremely conceptual and rationalized system, which can create models of disease and treatment so sophisticated as to render the experimental results highly predictable. If the latter are in line with the predictions they automatically validate the development model.
Furthermore, the very name of the theoretical system developed entails a natural transition from reductionist methods to systems theory which, in the present research, takes the form of a powerful working tool capable of providing adequate support for the development of therapies of practical utility.


In practice Marineo introduced into medical science the research and development criteria typical of engineering, in which the thoroughness of the preliminary theoretical work fully determines the expectations of the experimental verification of the method used. In 1987 the basic research was already sufficiently well structured to be supported by a technology capable of translating the theoretical system into a truly useful therapy.


The first experimental verifications fully confirmed the validity of the theoretical models developed and opened up concrete future prospects for the safe and non-invasive treatment of pathologies for which conventional methods had proved ineffective.
In 1998 the Italian scientific community, which had been constantly informed of all research developments, deemed the product of 15 years research to be scientifically valid, the theoretical principles and experimental data to have been clearly demonstrated and the bioethical principles regarding the respect and protection of the patient to have been respected.


In other words, the research carried out by a private individual was accepted and supported by the public authorities. It was consequently possible to begin official university and hospital studies, at the conclusion of which the first international publications were produced.


In order to support these changes, in May 1998 Delta R&D was set up, thus marking the beginning of the mature stage of this individual research endeavour. Although the original philosophy was retained, a logistical structure was now available to satisfy the new phases of development and to maintain and expand relations with the international scientific community.


In Italy the Delta R&D company became a research centre incorporated into a public structure thanks to the prestigious acknowledgement of the Tor Vergata University of Rome in the form of an agreement in which Delta R&D is recognized as part of the scientific structure of the university while retaining its autonomy and individuality.


Outside Italy, Delta R&D, the theoretical and research work on the Delta-S Entropy Variation Systems and “Scrambler Therapy” pain therapy resulted in Giuseppe Marineo receiving scientific awards for the originality of the basic research, in addition to numerous other acknowledgements by the international scientific community inherent in the acceptance of the proposed published works.

I dunno, maybe that's not your favorite type of woo and gobbledy-gook.  How about this?  From the lips of Dr. Robert Chalmers, former OB/Gyn:

Q-How do you do Calmare , Exactly?


The treatment is actually quite simple. It involved the machine, wires and surface electrodes that deliver the electrical waveforms. The surface electrodes are the same used in heart monitoring such as an EKG. The patients sits or lies comfortable during each 45 minute treatment session. The electrodes are placed OUTSIDE the area of pain so they will not increase the pain in patients with allodynia from CRPS




Q-How does it work?


The mechanism is completely unique. The primary issue with CPRS is the so called physiologic "wind-up" in the brain. This is a complicated change in the nervous system and can be traced at least in part to changes in NMDA receptors in the brain. We need to get to the brain to help with this disease. The use of electricity for the management of pain is not unique to the Calmare system and I am sure many RSD sufferers have tried traditional TENS therapy. However, the Calmare system is not anything like a TENS unit. Injury or other noxious stimulus in the body creates pain chemicals. These chemicals in turn get converted into electrical impulses by your nerves which get transmitted to the brain and get INTERPRETED by the brain. When we use the Calmare system we "control" the electrical impulses that the brain is recieving. By manipulating the input into the brain we "convince" the brain that the area of the body where pain was present is now normal. We know that the brain can be taught, in medicine we refer to thoses changes as Neuroplasticity and there is quite a bit of interesting reading on that topic on the internet if you have the time. I was the worlds biggest cynic prior to actually treating patients with the machine. I thought it was TENS or Placebo but nearly every patient I have treated has already tried TENS therapy and they can tell you this is nothing like TENS.It works!

Mystery solved.  "It works!" He hits all the right buzz words:  allodynia, neuroplasticity, NMDA receptors, physiologic wind-up...  Oh, gag me with a spoon.  Does any of it make sense?  Not a bit.

You want real breaking news?  Hmm?  Do you think you can handle some real news?  Well, do ya?

Jessep: You want answers?

Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I'm entitled to them.

Jessep: You want answers?

Kaffee: I want the truth!

Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Kaffee: Did you order the code red?

Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Kaffee: Did you order the code red?

Jessep: You're goddamn right I did!!

Oops.  Sorry...  It just feels like A Few Good Men kind of an afternoon.  Did I mention that I am febrile?
That I'm febrile, oh so febrile, as febrile as febrile can be?   ♪ ♫
Oh, I did.  Okay.  Well, I bet you don't know that I sprang a leak!  Yep, drip, drip, drip goes my leg, leg, leg...  Oh, I mentioned that. 

How about this?  I feel cranky.  That's gotta be news, because I am NEVER cranky!

WHAT IS THE CURE FOR CRANKY?

BUDDY THE KITTEN, of course.

It turns out that the kitten was not being a contemplative, not waxing philosophical.   He wasn't meditating on the idea of UP after all.  The Kitten wants the cord to the ceiling fan!  That's what he's been gazing at in adoration for the last few weeks.  What cracks me up is that he had the other two cats doing it, as well as a human or two.