red hourglass, black spider?

Fred is such a card.

He is at war with the Water Department -- they are notoriously inaccurate when dealing with medieval garderobes instead of high-efficiency stealth toilets -- and so, in preparation for battle, Fred is often seen running like a maniac to take time-stamped photography of the old water meter.

I heard him stomping his way in through the mid-Manor faux florentine Baptistry Bronze Doors -- faux in the sense that Tête de Hergé ain't Florence, also faux in that we only duplicated the work of competitors Filippo Brunelleschi and Lorenzo Ghiberti;  There is nothing from Jacopo della Quercia, Simone da Colle, Niccolò d'Arezzo, Niccolò di Pietro Lamberti, and Francesco di Valdambrino (we know where all the competition panels were stashed, ha!).

Nothing "faux" about the bronze part, so when Fred wants to slam a door, he really gets to slam a door.

Fred knows how I feel about bugs. insects, spiders, snakes, icky-things.

"Look what I found on top of the water meter!"

Thinking he was trying to get the better of me, something oh-so-hard-to-do, I let loose with my only bit of knowledge about black widow spiders:  they gotta be female to getcha.

"Yeah," replied Fred, "she was right next to three egg sacs."

So:  Ewwwwwwwwwwww.