Monday, May 19, 2014

Technology May Kill Us. Or Not.

REPOST from 2012 -- No need to explain why!

I just had one of those belly-shaking, pew-rocking laugh attacks.  Completely out of the blue.

insane laughter wave
"actor laughing insanely. large diaphragm capacitor microphone direct to sound forge"

Technology is, therefore, good for something.

1.  Earlier today, The Fredster and I were trying to enter the formidable Network Key into our wifi recovery program.  Once we figured out where it was hiding, we each took turns writing it down.  Why?  Because he had a go at it and failed and the yelling began.  I hate the yelling.  So I jotted it down and quietly gave it a go myself.  Soon enough, I was screeching.  Then began The Great Discussion of the "O" versus the "0." At that point, we were on the phone with India.  India was no wiser on the issue but stayed on the phone with us for half an hour.  As I got ready to discard the 3rd-notice envelope and the dirty napkin we'd used for our number jotting, I noted discrepancies.  He had an "F" where I had a "4."  I had a "P" where he had a "5." Did I mention that I have glaucoma and cataracts?  So I put on a third pair of glasses and rechecked the Router-Lord-of-the-Universe Thingy.  First, I solved the O/0 problem.  That helped a lot right there.  Then I replaced the F and the P.  Sneeked past the internet-deprived Fred who was beginning to have withdrawal symptoms.  And voilà: Take that, India.  Fred was happy, all was well.

2.  So I got online to check with UPS tracking on a package that should have been delivered Wednesday.
It appeared to have been sucked into a vortex between two tiny towns about 10 miles apart.  So I had a helpful online chat with a UPS representative.  She solved the problem by referring me back to the sender, Best Buy, which made no sense, so I promptly did it.  Best Buy initiated an inquiry that will take 3-8 days. "Okie-dokie, then. Uff da to ya!" said I, in my best Fargo. Then I filed a report online with UPS.  I am happy to report that all of this consumer proactivism has had the following result:  the UPS online tracking site now reads. "Your package has experienced an exception."

3.  Earlier this week, my half-sister notified me, via the much hated Facebook, that my mother-unit had an appointment with a neurologist to be tested for Alzheimer's. Ever the polite one, I inquired today as to the outcome. I have a weird fear of Alzheimer's as it was the basic cause of death for both my step-grandmother and my stepfather, and my stepmother is showing ominous signs.

I'll give you a minute. 

[toe tap, toe tap, toe tap]

Got it?

Water has been thicker than blood for most of my life, and I still have to research basic kinship terms.  "Nephew, cousin, uncle," and then the linguistic peripherals, "thrice-removed, demi-, half-, step, second, great, long lost..." and the ultra-confusing "in-law, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, old family friend [wink::wink]." 

Much easier to remember?  Friend / Not-Friend. Water? It quenches thirst like nobody's business and is the most powerful force in the world.

Anyway, the upshot is that Mother never made it to the neurologist.  As she was getting ready, her implanted, top-of-the-line defibrillator started going off. And off. And off.

And by "as she was getting ready," this incredible half-sister further clarified the ever-shifting maternal apocrypha this way: she meant that the sweet mother-unit was in the bath tub. Or shower.

Now, these good kin live in a small town, where, apparently, a favored pastime is listening to emergency scanners -- and my half-sister began getting phone calls at her work place before the ambulance even arrived at our Mother's home, site of this most terrible technological attack..They got her to the hospital, where they repositioned the leads... and gave her some pills to keep the defibrillator from working.  She is okay, but barely.

At a loss for words, I said The Standard, trained in it by this somewhat overwhelming sibling.

Bless her heart.  
I'll pray for her.

And then, a few hours later, I started laughing.

Buddy, the Outrageously Large Baby Maine Coon cat, chewed through the wiring of my brand new heating pad, and for dessert, demolished the Wii Remote. I had planned to reduce the day's stress with a hot game of tennis doubles for bedridden gimps.

Mwa ha ha!

The Universe's message for me today?

"You are experiencing an exception..."

Buddy and his, "What?" Look of Innocence

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