a new low?
my regular "health care provider" at pain management dood's place is out on maternity leave (it was a precious little girl!) and i met her "sub" last month. he's a doctor, board certified in anesthesiology and pain management, as well as being a physiatrist (physical and rehabilitative medicine).
today, he said he'd been thinking of me all month. that i was the "worst case of pain suffering" he'd seen in his eight years in practice (yes, he's a baby, very sweet, very nice, very sincere).
"i have had an idea," he said.
and he tells me of "these ladies" at his church who "wrap people and layer the wrappings with medicinal herbs."
"maybe it would help," he said. "i will pay for the first treatment. it is done under the guidance of physicians."
i wanted to cry.
not knowing quite what to say, i took up the "i will pay" part of the offer, and worked on that, explaining that no, i need him to be my DOCTOR, to be uninvolved, impartial in his dealings. that took a lot of arguing, but didn't solve any problems, as then there he is, agreeing, finally, that he should remain impartial while i get wrapped in herbs.
i told him that i do not trust medical procedures that have only testimonials as their bowl-me-over component. might he be able to elucidate some of the science involved, at least name some of the herbs and their properties? (i did the herbal phase -- the spend all your money on alternative medicine phase -- very early on with CRPS, probably as far back as 2004. i studied, i spent, i concocted, decocted, applied, steamed, infused -- made myself totally numb with kava kava -- the aromas were almost worth it... but it did not treat the disease. i did not go into all that with this sincere young man.)
i agreed to try a compounding cream with TWENTY PERCENT ketamine plus some other heavy hitters. i have done the compounding meds before and it's not that they were or were no effective, it's that my skin did not tolerate the cream. it was fiery. yes, "fiery" about covers it.
but i had to give him something.
when i see him next month, he is to report about the "science" inherent to wrapping me in herbs. and between now and then, maybe i will die and not have to refuse his mixed offer of religion and beliefs from his native island.
i am so tired. and i cannot see the letters as they pop up on this screen, despite being at 200% magnification. this has been a day of shooting firearms in the dark.
all i could think was "don't hurt his feelings."
and then i sat in the car and cried.