Instructions to Fred as He Girds His Loins Before Contacting Comcast Customer Service

ADDENDUM:  for the latest in COMCAST shenanigans, see the next post from 9 january 2015 HERE.


As is sometimes the case, Dear Reader, you'll need to pay close squinty-eyed attention to the squirrelly language of this post.  I apologize, yet have found no way to share customer service stories without resort to reproduction of brain-bursting actual dialogues.  You will, perhaps, remember our efforts to restore refrigeration in the midst of a very hot series of days during a Manor Fest several years ago. That led to discovering the Queen of the Universe is actually a Supervisor at the local Tête de Hergé (West of the Lone Alp Region) Sears Customer Service Center.  Who knew?

But today, My Loves, we wish to share with you the derring-do of Comcast Customer Service.  Please note my careful avoidance of tired jokes, such as declaring "customer service" to be the height of oxymoronic phrasing.  I'm infinitely more respectful of Comcast than of Sears, for Comcast rules our internet access, even if only to the Computer Turret of Marlinspike Hall.  We pay for wifi -- in the form of the world's strongest router -- but due to the manifold construction intricacies of The Manor, are only able to access the signal in a far off, outer limit suite of medieval bedrooms, sky high in the Northwest Wing.

We also fork over money for television services, mostly for access to the Animal Planet channel, as the Feline Triumvirate is in lust for Jackson Galaxy on My Cat from Hell.  Sometimes we spot them taking notes in a steno pad, which can lead to disturbing experimentations. I confess to countering with Pit Bulls and Parolees and the goings-on at Villalobos Rescue Center.  Marmy and Buddy, Chief Instigators of All Manor Shenanigans, flee the television viewing area as soon as the first Pit Bull appears, but sweet Dobby (90% angel, 10% house elf) will try to purr and blink spasmodically at the dogs for a good quarter hour before the barking and muscular jaws defeat even his peacemaking dedication.  Yes, so... revenons à nos moutons...we pay for 140 channels or so, in order to have Animal Planet.

Today's post comes to you in the form of the email instructions I sent to Fred about this past weekend's chats with Rajat, Hazel, and Akanksha, three of Comcast's best agents.  Fred was so jealous, and my wretched hands so tired, that we decided to pass the consumer communication torch to Fred.  I may also have threatened to slit my wrists should I have to speak, in text or verbal format, with any Comcast personnel ever again.  The gleam in my beady eyes proved quite convincing, apparently.

So here are my instructions to the Good Fred, complete with accurate reproductions of the chat transcripts with Rajat, Hazel, and Akanksha, as well as the two "non-contracts" they came up with. Well, maybe there have been a few minor changes in account numbers and such, to protect Captain Haddock's personal information, though who would dare to "steal his identity" would be a tremendous thief, indeed!

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****    

my sign on info: profderien@tête-de-hergé.net

PW = Roland_Barthes_Milk_Truck

acct # 3987103922

MY LAST 4 = 0703

their customer service phone # = 1-800-XFINITY

(1-800-934-6489)

you know what our terms are, per captain haddock's instructions and allotted budget allowance: we CANNOT pay more than $100/month, including fees, taxes, and standard sexual favors. internet is most important, so if you HAVE TO ax the obscene number of television channels we receive, go right ahead. i do enjoy having a DVR, unfortunately, though i could give a royal bowel movement about HD reception, as i cannot tell the difference between SD and HD. please make sure they understand, as dear, perspicacious RAJAT so clearly did on saturday night, that we are not REALLY adding a phone to the triple play package and therefore do not require any special equipment for our imaginary phone usage. by the way, i hope that you and abbot truffatore thoroughly enjoyed the communion wine taste-testing, which so unexpectedly required 36 hours of apt attention. isn't it a grand thing that i am not a resentful, grudge-guarding person?

please don't agree to a service call unless you are willing to pay for it. captain haddock frowns on excess submarine dockings in the moat, especially when it's covered with 18 inches of algae-encrusted ice.

should the opportunity arise, please tell whomever comcast assigns you that i will see them in court for charges of First Degree Malicious Mean Nasty Duplicitous Fraud, the penalty for which is being shot in the knees with rat-shot ammo -- "Rat-shot is generally used for shooting at snakes, rodents, and other small animals at very close range." [wikipedia, that reliable source] 

rajat, hazel and akanksha, the three who assisted and assassinated me, are darned lucky i am a death penalty abolitionist.

lastly, please don't reference me as a gullible idiot to score points with the specialist/agent/representative with whom you speak today.  i get enough of that from the genetically indentured manor staff, though they've learned to throw their voices -- and i get enough of that from you, bianca castafiore, sven, and cabana boy, as well. what? do you think i am deaf as well as dumb?

okay, here is all the transcribed comcast info.  godspeed and please check in every hour or so, in case we need to send a rescue party.

text of conversation from saturday night with RAJAT, includes CONFIRMATION # OF MY NON-"CONTRACT." i went by "Lisa," as that is my legal first name.  you are cleared to proceed as "Fred," that being your legal first name.

user LISA has entered room

analyst Rajat has entered room

Rajat: Hello LISA_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Rajat. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Rajat: Hello! I hope your day is going well. Do read about the Comcast Customer Guarantee athttp://www.comcast.com/corporate/Customers/CustomerGuarantee.html

LISA_: My Issue: it is taking sometimes over 90 seconds for pages to load. my question is not how fast my service should be but how much SLOWER can it get?

Rajat: Hello Lisa.

Rajat: How are you today?

LISA_: fine, but very s l o w

Rajat: It is nice to see that you are fine.

Rajat: As I understand, you are having issue with your intenet connection?

LISA_: it just took over 4 minutes for a comcast page to load

LISA_: connection is fine, speed is ridiculous

Rajat: Lisa, I'm sorry to know that you are having issues with your Internet speed. I also rely on the Internet and would want to get the value of what I'm paying for. Rest assured that I will do everything within my means to address your concern today!

LISA_: my computer has no issues... thanks for addressing my concern,

Rajat: You are most welcome.

Rajat: Just to set your expectation, what I will do is to troubleshoot the problem with your internet connection and if it comes that we need to send a technician, I will schedule one of ours to troubleshoot the problem of your internet connection. I will ask you a few questions that will help me identify the cause of the issue. Does this sound okay to you?

LISA_: perhaps. could we start with what speed captain haddock's plan is supposed to provide?

Rajat: Lisa, I would like to inform you that as I have checked, you are using the Economy internet package in which you should get 3 mbps speed. As I have checked, you are paying $89/mo. Is that correct?

LISA_: i am paying 100 a month.

Rajat: Ohh I see.

LISA_: well, i guess this slow speed is reflective of the speed you promised.

Rajat: Lisa, I have found a wonderful deal which will give you the up grade your services in the same price you are paying now. The package name is Starter XF Triple Play; $99.99/mo.You will get 140+ Cable Channels and 50 mbps Internet Speed & Unlimited Nationwide Talk and Text.

Rajat: By up grading to this package, your internet speed will get double to 50 mbps in the same price which you are paying now.

Rajat: The best thing about this package is there is no agreement, you could make changes any time in the account and you would not be charged with any early termination fee!

LISA_: i cannot change our phone service provider, per the dictates of our employer, the world-reknowned captain haddock. he requires wormhole capacity and underwater clarity for his miniature submarine fleet.

Rajat: Lisa, I completely understand your concern. If you don't want to use the phone service then you can keep it on a hook and can continue to enjoy the up Graded internet speed and cable service in a same price.

Rajat: There is no need to attach the phone equipment.

LISA_: and in our experience with comcast -- 99.99 will become 120 somehow, very quickly!

Rajat: No, I can assure you that the price will not increase. It will be same.

LISA_: so we could actually only use 2 services and get the same price?

Rajat: Yes, that's absolutely correct!

LISA_: let's do it!

Rajat: Great!

Rajat: For account security & verification purpose, please provide the complete address where the services are installed.

LISA_: you are the first rep to ever explain that!

LISA_: 666 unplottable lane

LISA_: west-of-the-lone-alp, tête de hergé

Rajat: Thank you for providing that information.

Rajat: May I please know your Comcast account number or the last 4 digits of the SSN listed on the account for security & verification purpose?

LISA_: last 4 = 666&6

Rajat: Thank you for providing that information.

Rajat: Please allow me a minute.

Rajat: Thank you for patiently waiting.

LISA_: no problem

Rajat: Thank you for your order! To complete the process, please go to:http://www.comcast.com/eloa/English/tpv_e911_agreementEnter your Account Number, the Order Date, your Zip Code, and the Security Code and click Next to confirm your acceptance and complete your order. Please provide me the transaction Id starting from 3.

LISA_: 33017312413319

Rajat: Awesome!

Rajat: Thank you for providing that information.

Rajat: Good news! I can see here that you can install the services yourself by taking advantage of our Self Installation kits. This gives you the freedom to setup your services at your most convenient time without having to wait for our technicians to do the installation for you. The best part is I can ship it directly to your haddock family manor for a nominal shipping fee. Regular Shipping charge are $30.00 however as you are a genuine customer so that I am able to reduce it to $09.95(one time charge) for you. Charges would be added in your next month bill. It will only be a one time charge.

LISA_: OK

Rajat: Great!

LISA_: so i will need to swap out the router?

Rajat: Lisa, I am happy to inform you that I have successfully processed the order for you. Here is you order confirmation number is 102105866690207

Rajat: Yes, I will send you the self installation including the required equipments with the step by step instructions so that you will be easile able to install the kit. I will send you the up graded modem so that you can experience good speed and better connectivity.

THIS IS A COPY OF "AGREEMENT" SENT THE NEXT DAY BY COMCAST:

The changes that you requested will be made. Here's what you need to know.

We'll see you soon

Questions? How to prepare for install | Reschedule your installation For Self-Install Kit Orders, an additional email will be sent when your equipment has shipped.

Here's a quick summary of your order Name: Lisa Retired Educator, on behalf of Captain Haddock Xfinity Bundled Services Starter XF $149.95 Promotional Rate 1 Months $-50.95 Xfinity TV HD/DVR Converter $8.00 HD Technology Fee $0.00 Service Discount 1 Months Xfinity Internet Blast $0.00 Xfinity Voice TN Package $0.00 Phone Modem $9.00 Partial Monthly Charges and Credits  01/06-02/02 Starter XF $135.41  01/06-02/02 Promotional Rate 1 Months $-45.96  01/06-02/02 Digital Starter $-40.63  01/06-01/05 Term Agreement APPLIES $0.00  01/06-02/02 Blast $0.00  01/06-02/02 Modem Lease $-8.12  01/06-02/02 Economy Plus $-27.05  01/06-02/02 TN Package $0.00  01/06-02/02 Phone Modem $8.12 One-Time Installation Charges Standard Shipping $9.95 Self Install Kit $0.00 Promotional Rate Self Install Kit $0.00 Promotional Rate Other Charges & Credits Monthly Package, Service and Equipment Fees $137.77 One-Time Installation Charges $9.95 Taxes, Surcharges and Fees $13.37 Estimated Total $161.09

fred, at that point, i paid the bill early online for $99.55, the captain's approved and budgeted current rate, before it could be changed -- and cancelled their access to automatic payment. 

A COPY OF HAZEL AND AKANKSHA'S CHAT FROM YESTERDAY, FOLLOWED BY THE NEW "CONTRACT," TO WHICH I AT NO TIME AGREED. NOTE THE LACK OF A CONFIRMATION NUMBER. 

YOU STRESSED TO ME, UNDER THE SANCTIFIED INFLUENCE OF COMMUNION WINE AND CISTERCIANS MALT LIQUOR, THAT "THEY ALL LIE," AND THAT I AM A GULLIBLE "MARK," BUT PLEASE DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT AGAIN.  EVER. NEVER, EVER AGAIN. 

SERIOUSLY, FRED. NOT EVEN USING YOUR INIMITABLE POWERS OF VENTRILOQUISM. JUST DON'T.

Transcript

LISA_: My Issue: YESTERDAY, was told monthly bill wld remain $100 with switch to new service. TODAY am told the deal is a 1-month promotional rate. which is the truth?

user LISA has entered room

analyst Hazel has entered room

Hazel: Hello LISA_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Hazel. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Hazel: Happy Holidays! Glad to have you on chat today.

LISA_: text from previous chat, just last evening: 

"LISA_: and in my experience with comcast -- 99.99 will become 120 somehow, very quickly! 

Rajat: No, I can assure you that the price will not increase. It will be same."

Hazel: Hi Lisa.

LISA_: hello

Hazel: I understand that you would like to confirm on the new plan upgrade you had on how much your monthly fee for it be.

Hazel: I am here to make sure we have your bill charges clarified Lisa.

Hazel: I know how important it is to always have a clear understanding of each item on your bill and make sure you are billed correctly. We know that this can really be a challenge at times, I'll be more than glad to check the information for you to get each it

Hazel: Let me pull up your account first.

Hazel: I can see here you have already logged in via our Comcast website which means there will be no need for us to proceed to a verification process, thank you for that! I am now checking on your account and bills. One moment please.

Hazel: While waiting for the system to generate your account details, let me share with you Comcast Alerts. You can now stay up-to-date on your account with email bill notifications and text commands. You can register your mobile number through this link:http://www.comcast.com/alerts/

Hazel: Lisa, as I was checking on the new plan upgrade you had you were given of the Starter Triple Play bundle at $99/month rate.

LISA_: is that rate for one month only?

Hazel: Your new monthly will only be $99+$8 modem rent fee = $107/month before taxes.

Hazel: This will be for 24 months fixed rate Lisa.

LISA_: what about what i was told YESTERDAY? 

"LISA_: and in my experience with comcast -- 99.99 will become 120 somehow, very quickly! 

Rajat: No, I can assure you that the price will not increase. It will be same."

Hazel: I guarantee you that what was promised will be at a fixed rate Lisa.

Hazel: The plan is at $99/month for 24 months.

LISA_: i was told 99 TOTAL "i can assure you the price will not increase"!??

Hazel: This package has a 2 years agreement to make sure that your price will be locked in.

LISA_: quote: "Rajat: The best thing about this package is there is no agreement, you could make changes any time in the account and you would not be charged with any early termination fee!"

Hazel: Oh my, hold on let me check and verify it.

Hazel: I am sorry to hear about that Lisa.

LISA_: sorry? to hear what? which is TRUE TODAY?

Hazel: As I was checking on the pending work order, the plan that was processed was at $99/month with 2 years contract.

LISA_: this is why we are frustrated over and over with comcast. agents say what is convenient at the time and reality proves different, there is NO accountability

Hazel: To verify you had not agreed to the plan with contract?

LISA_: well, reprocess it as it was OFFERED to me! can that be done?

LISA_: you read what rajat told me

Hazel: Hold on let me chek on what I can do.

Hazel: I am truly sorry for the hassle you had been through.

Hazel: Thank you for patiently waiting.

Hazel: Lisa, for us to have the plan offered to you repackage, I will be connecting you to our partners in the Sales Department who can best have the current plan reprocessed.

Hazel: The information you provided me will also be forwarded to them for reference. Sales team will still need to check your eligibility. They can also recommend other options for you. Are there any other issues with your services regarding billing problems that I can address before I transfer this chat?

LISA_: no.

Hazel: You will see a message that says I have “left the room”; however, you will still be connected to the next available Sales agent. Please stay online and connected to the chat for the next agent who will assist you as soon as possible.

Hazel: Please stay online and an analyst will take care of your concern. Thank you.

Hazel: I will connect you now.

Hazel: Please wait, while the problem is escalated to another analyst

user LISA has entered room

analyst Akanksha has entered room

LISA_: My Issue: YESTERDAY, was told monthly bill wld remain $100 with switch to new service. TODAY am told the deal is a 1-month promotional rate. which is the truth?

Waiting for response from Hazel

Akanksha: You have reached in Transition Department and we appreciate you are giving us a chance to resolve your concern today. I hope you are doing great today!

analyst Hazel has left room

LISA_: i would like to reconcile the promises made by agent rajat last night for our new service and the surprising new reality i found today...

Akanksha: I will certainly help you with that.

Akanksha: Please allow me a moment while I go through your conversation with the previous representative. That won’t be too long.

Akanksha: Thank you for patiently waiting.

Akanksha: Based on your conversation with the previous representative I understood that you are looking to get correct package however you got package with agreement

LISA_: i want the "package" as represented in writing by rajat last night -- i would not have agreed to it but for his representation.

Akanksha: Please allow me a minute or two to pull up your account details

LISA_: sure

Akanksha: Thank you.

LISA_: "Rajat: Lisa, I have found a wonderful deal which will give you the up grade your services in the same price you are paying now. The package name is Starter XF Triple Play; $99.99/mo.You will get 140+ Cable Channels and 50 mbps Internet Speed & Unlimited Nationwide Talk and Text. Rajat: By up grading to this package, your internet speed will get double to 50 mbps in the same price which you are paying now. Rajat: The best thing about this package is there is no agreement, you could make changes any time in the account and you would not be charged with any early termination fee! LISA_: and in my experience with comcast -- 99.99 will become 120 somehow, very quickly! Rajat: No, I can assure you that the price will not increase. It will be same."

Akanksha: Lisa,I apologies I have checked and can see that the package Starter triple play is added at $99.99 with contract

Akanksha: Lisa, You need not to worry Could you please confirm do you want to continue the same?

LISA_: i don't understand your question.

Akanksha: I want to know that do you want to cancel package?

Akanksha: Also i have checked and can see that we have same deal Starter triple play without contract at $89.9 with 50 mbps of speed

LISA_: i want what was promised -- a monthly bill no higher than $100, no required agreement, with the services offered

LISA_: without contract -- does that mean comcast can cancel the "deal" at any time? or is it up to Captain Haddock when to cancel?

Akanksha: Yes, It is upto the Honorable Captain when ever you want to cancel you can cancel it

LISA_: what are the specific services -- the same as what rajat represented?

LISA_: sorry -- i've been burned now too many times

LISA_: i know you are trying to help!

Akanksha: Lisa, Let me check the details I will give you complete detaisl

Akanksha: While I am looking up your account may I place you on a quick hold for 2 to 5 minutes.

LISA_: yes

Akanksha: Thank you for patiently waiting.

Akanksha: Lisa, I have great news for you

Akanksha: We have Starter triple play with 140+channels with BLast speed and unlimited calling at $89.99/mo for 12 months after 12 months it would be $124.99 and after 24 months it would be $149.99

LISA_: that's not great news.

LISA_: i am stuck with the current contract, then?

Akanksha: No you are not I am here and cancel the contract for you

Akanksha: Lisa, Let me inform you that Codes are still not active in your account

LISA_: i don't want what you offered... it's worse than the contract rajat conned me into!

LISA_: i will stick with that bad faith offer. but i won't pay over 100,

LISA_: i can't stand this deceit any longer.

LISA_: did i tell you to do that? what happened to "Also i have checked and can see that we have same deal Starter triple play without contract at $89.9 with 50 mbps of speed"

Akanksha: Lisa, This is the same deal I am giving you the detail of the package

LISA_: no, that is a lie. return to the rotten package from rajat. and you all need to stop lying and misleading customers.

Akanksha: Lisa, Ehy would I give you misinformation when I know my chat can be auditted any time and it would be against my job, Lisa

LISA_: "without contract"

LISA_: return me to the original 107 + tax which i am sure will become higher, despite written evidence to the contrary. i am signing off. i will pay 100 a month.

THIS IS A COPY OF THE NEW "AGREEMENT" JUST SENT BY COMCAST:

Help & Support  |  My Account

The changes that you requested will be made. Here's what you need to know.

We'll see you soon

Questions? How to prepare for install | Reschedule your installation For Self-Install Kit Orders, an additional email will be sent when your equipment has shipped.

Here's a quick summary of your order Name: Lisa RETIRED EDUCATOR Xfinity Bundled Services Starter XF $149.95 Promotional Rate 12 Months $-60.95 Xfinity TV HD/DVR Converter $8.00 HD Technology Fee $0.00 Service Discount 1 Months Xfinity Internet Blast $0.00 Xfinity Voice TN Package $0.00 Phone Modem $9.00 Partial Monthly Charges and Credits  01/08-02/02 Starter XF $125.73  01/08-02/02 Promotional Rate 12 Months $-51.06  01/08-02/02 Digital Starter $-18.88  01/08-02/02 Digital Starter $0.00  01/08-02/02 Digital Converter $-2.09  01/08-02/02 Limited Basic $-26.79  01/08-02/02 Blast $0.00  01/08-02/02 Modem Lease $-7.54  01/08-02/02 Economy Plus $-25.11  01/08-02/02 TN Package $0.00  01/08-02/02 Phone Modem $7.54 One-Time Installation Charges Standard Shipping $9.95 Self Install Kit $0.00 Promotional Rate Other Charges & Credits Monthly Package, Service and Equipment Fees $107.80 One-Time Installation Charges $9.95 Taxes, Surcharges and Fees $11.92 Estimated Total $129.67

Godspeed, Dear Fred. Godspeed.

© 2015 L. Ryan

"Déclaration universelle des droits de l'homme"

Déclaration universelle des droits de l'homme

Préambule

Considérant que la reconnaissance de la dignité inhérente à tous les membres de la famille humaine et de leurs droits égaux et inaliénables constitue le fondement de la liberté, de la justice et de la paix dans le monde.

Considérant que la méconnaissance et le mépris des droits de l'homme ont conduit à des actes de barbarie qui révoltent la conscience de l'humanité et que l'avènement d'un monde où les êtres humains seront libres de parler et de croire, libérés de la terreur et de la misère, a été proclamé comme la plus haute aspiration de l'homme.

Considérant qu'il est essentiel que les droits de l'homme soient protégés par un régime de droit pour que l'homme ne soit pas contraint, en suprême recours, à la révolte contre la tyrannie et l'oppression.

Considérant qu'il est essentiel d'encourager le développement de relations amicales entre nations.

Considérant que dans la Charte les peuples des Nations Unies ont proclamé à nouveau leur foi dans les droits fondamentaux de l'homme, dans la dignité et la valeur de la personne humaine, dans l'égalité des droits des hommes et des femmes, et qu'ils se sont déclarés résolus à favoriser le progrès social et à instaurer de meilleures conditions de vie dans une liberté plus grande.

Considérant que les Etats Membres se sont engagés à assurer, en coopération avec l'Organisation des Nations Unies, le respect universel et effectif des droits de l'homme et des libertés fondamentales.

Considérant qu'une conception commune de ces droits et libertés est de la plus haute importance pour remplir pleinement cet engagement.

L'Assemblée générale proclame la présente Déclaration universelle des droits de l'homme comme l'idéal commun à atteindre par tous les peuples et toutes les nations afin que tous les individus et tous les organes de la société, ayant cette Déclaration constamment à l'esprit, s'efforcent, par l'enseignement et l'éducation, de développer le respect de ces droits et libertés et d'en assurer, par des mesures progressives d'ordre national et international, la reconnaissance et l'application universelles et effectives, tant parmi les populations des Etats Membres eux-mêmes que parmi celles des territoires placés sous leur juridiction.

Article premier

Tous les êtres humains naissent libres et égaux en dignité et en droits. Ils sont doués de raison et de conscience et doivent agir les uns envers les autres dans un esprit de fraternité.

Article 2

1.Chacun peut se prévaloir de tous les droits et de toutes les libertés proclamés dans la présente Déclaration, sans distinction aucune, notamment de race, de couleur, de sexe, de langue, de religion, d'opinion politique ou de toute autre opinion, d'origine nationale ou sociale, de fortune, de naissance ou de toute autre situation.
2.De plus, il ne sera fait aucune distinction fondée sur le statut politique, juridique ou international du pays ou du territoire dont une personne est ressortissante, que ce pays ou territoire soit indépendant, sous tutelle, non autonome ou soumis à une limitation quelconque de souveraineté.

Article 3

Tout individu a droit à la vie, à la liberté et à la sûreté de sa personne.

Article 4

Nul ne sera tenu en esclavage ni en servitude; l'esclavage et la traite des esclaves sont interdits sous toutes leurs formes.

Article 5

Nul ne sera soumis à la torture, ni à des peines ou traitements cruels, inhumains ou dégradants.

Article 6

Chacun a le droit à la reconnaissance en tous lieux de sa personnalité juridique.

Article 7

Tous sont égaux devant la loi et ont droit sans distinction à une égale protection de la loi. Tous ont droit à une protection égale contre toute discrimination qui violerait la présente Déclaration et contre toute provocation à une telle discrimination.

Article 8

Toute personne a droit à un recours effectif devant les juridictions nationales compétentes contre les actes violant les droits fondamentaux qui lui sont reconnus par la constitution ou par la loi.

Article 9

Nul ne peut être arbitrairement arrêté, détenu ou exilé.

Article 10

Toute personne a droit, en pleine égalité, à ce que sa cause soit entendue équitablement et publiquement par un tribunal indépendant et impartial, qui décidera, soit de ses droits et obligations, soit du bien-fondé de toute accusation en matière pénale dirigée contre elle.

Article 11

1. Toute personne accusée d'un acte délictueux est présumée innocente jusqu'à ce que sa culpabilité ait été légalement établie au cours d'un procès public où toutes les garanties nécessaires à sa défense lui auront été assurées.
2. Nul ne sera condamné pour des actions ou omissions qui, au moment où elles ont été commises, ne constituaient pas un acte délictueux d'après le droit national ou international. De même, il ne sera infligé aucune peine plus forte que celle qui était applicable au moment où l'acte délictueux a été commis.

Article 12

Nul ne sera l'objet d'immixtions arbitraires dans sa vie privée, sa famille, son domicile ou sa correspondance, ni d'atteintes à son honneur et à sa réputation. Toute personne a droit à la protection de la loi contre de telles immixtions ou de telles atteintes.

Article 13

1. Toute personne a le droit de circuler librement et de choisir sa résidence à l'intérieur d'un Etat.
2. Toute personne a le droit de quitter tout pays, y compris le sien, et de revenir dans son pays.

Article 14

1. Devant la persécution, toute personne a le droit de chercher asile et de bénéficier de l'asile en d'autres pays.
2. Ce droit ne peut être invoqué dans le cas de poursuites réellement fondées sur un crime de droit commun ou sur des agissements contraires aux buts et aux principes des Nations Unies.

Article 15

1. Tout individu a droit à une nationalité.
2. Nul ne peut être arbitrairement privé de sa nationalité, ni du droit de changer de nationalité.

Article 16

1. A partir de l'âge nubile, l'homme et la femme, sans aucune restriction quant à la race, la nationalité ou la religion, ont le droit de se marier et de fonder une famille. Ils ont des droits égaux au regard du mariage, durant le mariage et lors de sa dissolution.
2. Le mariage ne peut être conclu qu'avec le libre et plein consentement des futurs époux.
3. La famille est l'élément naturel et fondamental de la société et a droit à la protection de la société et de l'Etat.

Article 17

1. Toute personne, aussi bien seule qu'en collectivité, a droit à la propriété.
2. Nul ne peut être arbitrairement privé de sa propriété.

Article 18

Toute personne a droit à la liberté de pensée, de conscience et de religion ; ce droit implique la liberté de changer de religion ou de conviction ainsi que la liberté de manifester sa religion ou sa conviction seule ou en commun, tant en public qu'en privé, par l'enseignement, les pratiques, le culte et l'accomplissement des rites.

Article 19

Tout individu a droit à la liberté d'opinion et d'expression, ce qui implique le droit de ne pas être inquiété pour ses opinions et celui de chercher, de recevoir et de répandre, sans considérations de frontières, les informations et les idées par quelque moyen d'expression que ce soit.

Article 20

1. Toute personne a droit à la liberté de réunion et d'association pacifiques.
2. Nul ne peut être obligé de faire partie d'une association.

Article 21

1. Toute personne a le droit de prendre part à la direction des affaires publiques de son pays, soit directement, soit par l'intermédiaire de représentants librement choisis.
2. Toute personne a droit à accéder, dans des conditions d'égalité, aux fonctions publiques de son pays.
3. La volonté du peuple est le fondement de l'autorité des pouvoirs publics ; cette volonté doit s'exprimer par des élections honnêtes qui doivent avoir lieu périodiquement, au suffrage universel égal et au vote secret ou suivant une procédure équivalente assurant la liberté du vote.

Article 22

Toute personne, en tant que membre de la société, a droit à la sécurité sociale ; elle est fondée à obtenir la satisfaction des droits économiques, sociaux et culturels indispensables à sa dignité et au libre développement de sa personnalité, grâce à l'effort national et à la coopération internationale, compte tenu de l'organisation et des ressources de chaque pays.

Article 23

1. Toute personne a droit au travail, au libre choix de son travail, à des conditions équitables et satisfaisantes de travail et à la protection contre le chômage.
2. Tous ont droit, sans aucune discrimination, à un salaire égal pour un travail égal.
3. Quiconque travaille a droit à une rémunération équitable et satisfaisante lui assurant ainsi qu'à sa famille une existence conforme à la dignité humaine et complétée, s'il y a lieu, par tous autres moyens de protection sociale.
4. Toute personne a le droit de fonder avec d'autres des syndicats et de s'affilier à des syndicats pour la défense de ses intérêts.

Article 24

Toute personne a droit au repos et aux loisirs et notamment à une limitation raisonnable de la durée du travail et à des congés payés périodiques.

Article 25

1. Toute personne a droit à un niveau de vie suffisant pour assurer sa santé, son bien-être et ceux de sa famille, notamment pour l'alimentation, l'habillement, le logement, les soins médicaux ainsi que pour les services sociaux nécessaires ; elle a droit à la sécurité en cas de chômage, de maladie, d'invalidité, de veuvage, de vieillesse ou dans les autres cas de perte de ses moyens de subsistance par suite de circonstances indépendantes de sa volonté.
2. La maternité et l'enfance ont droit à une aide et à une assistance spéciales. Tous les enfants, qu'ils soient nés dans le mariage ou hors mariage, jouissent de la même protection sociale.

Article 26

1. Toute personne a droit à l'éducation. L'éducation doit être gratuite, au moins en ce qui concerne l'enseignement élémentaire et fondamental. L'enseignement élémentaire est obligatoire. L'enseignement technique et professionnel doit être généralisé ; l'accès aux études supérieures doit être ouvert en pleine égalité à tous en fonction de leur mérite.
2. L'éducation doit viser au plein épanouissement de la personnalité humaine et au renforcement du respect des droits de l'homme et des libertés fondamentales. Elle doit favoriser la compréhension, la tolérance et l'amitié entre toutes les nations et tous les groupes raciaux ou religieux, ainsi que le développement des activités des Nations Unies pour le maintien de la paix.
3. Les parents ont, par priorité, le droit de choisir le genre d'éducation à donner à leurs enfants.

Article 27

1. Toute personne a le droit de prendre part librement à la vie culturelle de la communauté, de jouir des arts et de participer au progrès scientifique et aux bienfaits qui en résultent.
2. Chacun a droit à la protection des intérêts moraux et matériels découlant de toute production scientifique, littéraire ou artistique dont il est l'auteur.

Article 28

Toute personne a droit à ce que règne, sur le plan social et sur le plan international, un ordre tel que les droits et libertés énoncés dans la présente Déclaration puissent y trouver plein effet.

Article 29

1. L'individu a des devoirs envers la communauté dans laquelle seul le libre et plein développement de sa personnalité est possible.
2. Dans l'exercice de ses droits et dans la jouissance de ses libertés, chacun n'est soumis qu'aux limitations établies par la loi exclusivement en vue d'assurer la reconnaissance et le respect des droits et libertés d'autrui et afin de satisfaire aux justes exigences de la morale, de l'ordre public et du bien-être général dans une société démocratique.
3. Ces droits et libertés ne pourront, en aucun cas, s'exercer contrairement aux buts et aux principes des Nations Unies.

Article 30

Aucune disposition de la présente Déclaration ne peut être interprétée comme impliquant pour un Etat, un groupement ou un individu un droit quelconque de se livrer à une activité ou d'accomplir un acte visant à la destruction des droits et libertés qui y sont énoncés.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights

PREAMBLE

Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world,

Whereas disregard and contempt for human rights have resulted in barbarous acts which have outraged the conscience of mankind, and the advent of a world in which human beings shall enjoy freedom of speech and belief and freedom from fear and want has been proclaimed as the highest aspiration of the common people,

Whereas it is essential, if man is not to be compelled to have recourse, as a last resort, to rebellion against tyranny and oppression, that human rights should be protected by the rule of law,

Whereas it is essential to promote the development of friendly relations between nations,

Whereas the peoples of the United Nations have in the Charter reaffirmed their faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person and in the equal rights of men and women and have determined to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom,

Whereas Member States have pledged themselves to achieve, in co-operation with the United Nations, the promotion of universal respect for and observance of human rights and fundamental freedoms,

Whereas a common understanding of these rights and freedoms is of the greatest importance for the full realization of this pledge,

Now, Therefore THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY proclaims THIS UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS as a common standard of achievement for all peoples and all nations, to the end that every individual and every organ of society, keeping this Declaration constantly in mind, shall strive by teaching and education to promote respect for these rights and freedoms and by progressive measures, national and international, to secure their universal and effective recognition and observance, both among the peoples of Member States themselves and among the peoples of territories under their jurisdiction.

Article 1.

• All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2.

• Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 3.

• Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.

Article 4.

• No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.

Article 5.

• No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Article 6.

• Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.

• All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.

Article 8.

• Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the competent national tribunals for acts violating the fundamental rights granted him by the constitution or by law.

Article 9.

• No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.

Article 10.

• Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal, in the determination of his rights and obligations and of any criminal charge against him.

Article 11.

• (1) Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.
• (2) No one shall be held guilty of any penal offence on account of any act or omission which did not constitute a penal offence, under national or international law, at the time when it was committed. Nor shall a heavier penalty be imposed than the one that was applicable at the time the penal offence was committed.

Article 12.

• No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

Article 13.

• (1) Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each state.
• (2) Everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country.

Article 14.

• (1) Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution.
• (2) This right may not be invoked in the case of prosecutions genuinely arising from non-political crimes or from acts contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.

Article 15.

• (1) Everyone has the right to a nationality.
• (2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.

Article 16.

• (1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
• (2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
• (3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.

Article 17.

• (1) Everyone has the right to own property alone as well as in association with others.
• (2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his property.

Article 18.

• Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19.

• Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Article 20.

• (1) Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.
• (2) No one may be compelled to belong to an association.

Article 21.

• (1) Everyone has the right to take part in the government of his country, directly or through freely chosen representatives.
• (2) Everyone has the right of equal access to public service in his country.
• (3) The will of the people shall be the basis of the authority of government; this will shall be expressed in periodic and genuine elections which shall be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by secret vote or by equivalent free voting procedures.

Article 22.

• Everyone, as a member of society, has the right to social security and is entitled to realization, through national effort and international co-operation and in accordance with the organization and resources of each State, of the economic, social and cultural rights indispensable for his dignity and the free development of his personality.

Article 23.

• (1) Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of employment, to just and favourable conditions of work and to protection against unemployment.
• (2) Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal pay for equal work.
• (3) Everyone who works has the right to just and favourable remuneration ensuring for himself and his family an existence worthy of human dignity, and supplemented, if necessary, by other means of social protection.
• (4) Everyone has the right to form and to join trade unions for the protection of his interests.

Article 24.

• Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay.

Article 25.

• (1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
• (2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.

Article 26.

• (1) Everyone has the right to education. Education shall be free, at least in the elementary and fundamental stages. Elementary education shall be compulsory. Technical and professional education shall be made generally available and higher education shall be equally accessible to all on the basis of merit.
• (2) Education shall be directed to the full development of the human personality and to the strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms. It shall promote understanding, tolerance and friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups, and shall further the activities of the United Nations for the maintenance of peace.
• (3) Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.

Article 27.

• (1) Everyone has the right freely to participate in the cultural life of the community, to enjoy the arts and to share in scientific advancement and its benefits.
• (2) Everyone has the right to the protection of the moral and material interests resulting from any scientific, literary or artistic production of which he is the author.

Article 28.

• Everyone is entitled to a social and international order in which the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration can be fully realized.

Article 29.

• (1) Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the free and full development of his personality is possible.
• (2) In the exercise of his rights and freedoms, everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order and the general welfare in a democratic society.
• (3) These rights and freedoms may in no case be exercised contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.

Article 30.

• Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying for any State, group or person any right to engage in any activity or to perform any act aimed at the destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth herein.

© 2015 L. Ryan