Deninel: A Stream in New Hampshire

I can usually riddle my way through misspellings.

But I am tired of a certain woman's insistence that her husband is in a state of: deninel.

The first time she typed it out, I smiled indulgently (my most obnoxious smile, unfortunately). By the third repetition, I was mouthing deeeee-nigh-yul,deeeee-nigh-yul,deeeee-nigh-yul.

There ain't no damn word DENINEL.

dee-nin-ul? dee-nin-ul?

Do not mess with Retired Educator when she has not slept a wink, nor a nod, and she ain't a' blinkin' none, neither.

Bless this lady's heart. She goes on to write:

"My husband has cirrhosis of the liver and hep c, he is also bypolar! He refuses to take meds and is in complete deninel!!! The stress is about to kill me , my faith is strong but he wears me down!!! We have two children at home 17, and 15 , I have went to work to help support us."

Before I lapse into a pool of melted Jello (somehow I picture a very red mix of cherry, watermelon/kiwi, and raspberry, all pulsating at roughly 120 beats a minute) out of sympathy for her situation, my God, why can't people manage to make verbs agree with subjects? Is it hard? No, it is not.

Sorry, I meant: No, it are not.

She can spell CIRRHOSIS but not bipolar?

Her screenname involves use of one of my favorite words: poot. As in: I pooted, you pooted, he/she/it pooted, we pooted, you pooted (again), and they pooted. This is a Free Poot Nation.

And, of course, in addition to being slang for flatulence, "poot" has a history of diplomatic implementation, because the Venerable Bush preferred "Pootie-Poot" as sobriquet for Putin, the former {*cough*} President of Russia. You know, the guy who is now {looooong *fart*} Prime Minister of Russia? Second-in-command {baritone *belch*}?

Oh, the hilarity, back in February of 2001, when we could afford to yuck-it-up but good:

INSIDERS are admitting that President George W. Bush's penchant for bestowing his own nicknames on close associates has provoked the first crisis of his new administration.

"Internal communications are in turmoil," confesses a high-ranking Bush aide known as Frenchy, though he doesn't know why. "The president says get me Knuckles on the line, or where's The Eskimo, or let Bones and uptown handle this," he laments, "and nobody has a clue as to who he's talking about."

Vice President Dick Cheney, a seasoned Bush handler, refuses to confirm or deny reports that he plans an internal White House telephone hot line where senior advisors, cabinet members and others can call in to find out their current presidential nicknames and those of their colleagues.

But knowing who's actually who among themselves has become a high-stakes guessing game for the Bush team members — as was underscored by a recent trip to Kansas City by a bewildered secretary of state, Gen. Colin L. Powell.

The president had ordered that Bullets be sent to represent the administration at a town meeting on farm subsidies. Assuming Bullets to be Mr. Bush's informal name for the only ex-military figure among his top aides, a member of the White House staff conveyed the word to General Powell. He was halfway to Kansas City aboard Air Force One before the goof was revealed: Bullets is the president's nickname for the secretary of agriculture, Ann M. Veneman. Mr. Bush's response to the snafu was quoted as, "Why for heck's sake would I send Balloonfoot to do Bullet's job?"

The first lady herself is reported to be "baffled" by her husband's nickname for her. "I hung up five times yesterday when he called to ask what was for dinner," said a flustered Laura Bush. "I thought it was a wrong number when the guy kept asking for Stretch."

Meanwhile, President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia is reportedly both baffled and incensed that on his first call to the new American president, Mr. Bush addressed him not as Mr. President or Mr. Putin but Ostrich Legs.

Mr. Cheney, who is said to believe his own Bush nickname to be either Hopalong or Crash-Dive (signed presidential memos evidently differ), has reportedly come to dread full cabinet meetings. "When George W. starts with the `Good morning, Skeezix' and `Let's ask The Undertaker," says one cabinet member, who thinks he himself may be Spinach Man, "they all look over at Dick for help, and he's as lost as they are. And if Dick doesn't know who the president's talking to, who does?"

A White House nickname hot line, should Mr. Cheney set one up, would be helpful but no panacea. High- ranking administration officials are still likely to refuse the call when their secretaries announce it's The Pecos Kid for Snooky. Foreign leaders beyond nickname-hot- line range will surely bridle at being called Nine Pin or Hound Dog by a fellow head of state.

And what of Mr. Bush's intimate circle? One old friend returned as Not Known At This Address a 50- pound shipment of Texas barbecue beef bearing the presidential seal, addressed to "The Big Goober." His name is Darryl.

Compounding the confusion is Mr. Bush's creativity with sobriquets, verging on free association.

"His nickname style isn't anything you can decode," points out a close observer known only as Four- Eyes. "Like, say, calling tall guys Shorty and right- handers Lefty. Why is Attorney General John Ashcroft Snake Hips — or is that Rumsfeld? No, he's Pistol Pete. Wait a minute, maybe Rumsfeld is Chickenman and Pistol Pete is Christie Whitman. Aw, I give up."

Asked by reporters about the impending nickname hot-line project, the president himself expressed surprise at the idea and said he had no information he was aware of.

"For that," he replied, "You'd have to talk to Stilts."

I have been up all night, which explains the incredible profundity of this post, but somewhere in the steel trap that is my mind, an analogy, nay! A causal relationship was forming. Okay so some of it was forced. A lot forced.

NanaPoot (yes, that is this distressed woman's *chosen* moniker)? Meet the man secure enough in his... um, masculinity to come up with "Pootie-Poot," and the Author of Much of My Discontent, and perhaps the Author of Some of Yours. I sincerely hope that you will be able to access some meaningful help for your husband and your entire family.