Thursday, October 17, 2013

" Admit it. You want a white Republican president again."

Strange that it is not a celebratory mood descending tonight, given that Congress has managed to -- or will soon manage to -- pass a clean Continuing Resolution just as our national credit rating was about to bite the dust.

Not so strange, really.  We are going to have to dance this dance again, and it appears that those players who delight in inflammatory falsehoods about everything from the Affordable Care Act, unfettered access to birth control, the deficit, and -- let's face it -- the black man and his family who somehow wandered into the mansion on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue a few years back, illegal squatters, all of them, including the two dogs.

Do you remember Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher who achieved an odd but familiar sort of fame during the 2008 presidential election?  He subsequently ran for Congress but lost, finally affiliated himself with the Republican Party (a true shocker), and began doing what all of us frustrated political junkies do by launching a blog.

A patriot.  A symbol.  A man with a computer.

He crossposted a piece to Joe for from The Black Sphere, written by Kevin Jackson, that begins with smooth subtlety:

Admit it. You want a white Republican president again.
Now before you start feeling like you’re a racist, understand you are not.
Wanting a white Republican president doesn’t make you racist, it just makes you American.
Proving that he can dogpaddle even in the shifting tides of white water, Wurzelbacher responded to the responses to his borrowed tirade by posting this to his Facebook account:
'Let no chance to find a boogey man in a non-racist's closet go by without first taking time to blame a white guy for repeating something a black guy said...about a black guy.'
Attribution for his blog postings is sometimes murky, though after perusing a fair number of them, the tenor is crystal clear.  For example, just prior to the aforementioned liberation from racism, he published another chef d'oeuvre entitled "Does Barbara Boxer Need A Good Beating?"  It appears to be his own work, a conclusion I reach from my time spent diddling around in Comparative Literature (subcategory: acephalic anathema):

Normally this would be an inappropriate question to ask, but rules have exceptions. Senator Barbara Boxer recently compared Tea Partiers to “domestic abusers.” In her world, trying to restore fiscal sanity and prevent America from going broke is equivalent to engaging in physical violence. 
What the hell would this (insert curse words here) know about domestic abuse? Any man who married her would have to be so emasculated that he would not raise his hand without permission. Normally I am against domestic violence but she really could use a good beating to knock the stupidity out of her. Her existence is an act of abuse because the rest of us have to suffer from her feminist yapping. Even a government shutdown can’t shut her leftist trap. Her crybaby victim routine is an insult to real victims. She is the third worst Barbara in America behind Streisand and Mikulski. To all fake feminists everywhere, please shut the Sandra Fluke up.

Do I think Joe's site to be a source of influence?  No.  Do I worry about his impact on the quality of our national discourse?  Sadly, no, as it is actually an improvement over some of those congressional delegates who were, unlike Joe, duly elected.  I think I will steal from John McCain, who responded to Texas Rep. Gohmert's assertion that he consorts with Al Qaeda terrorists on a regular basis by telling NBC's Brian Williams:

On that particular issue, sometimes comments like that are made out of malice.  But if someone has no intelligence, I don’t view it as being a malicious statement. You can’t respond to that kind of thing.
Yes, I am aware that the frequent lack of response to my own various tirades might be shaded by this same Umbrella For Dolts.  I am also aware, however, that my superior insight into my own shortcomings places me at least a few ladder rungs above Brother Joe as we scale the heights of our Fool's Errand.

Where I probably top The Plumber in unnecessary rhetoric is in moments like this one -- where I cannot help but wonder why the hell this John McCain was not the John McCain who showed up under the guise of a presidential candidate.  Such an effective debater, steered by what seems an unerring sense of right and wrong, is terribly at odds with the man who tapped Sarah Palin into service and hummed out that catchy parody of "Barbara Ann" --  Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran...

Could it be that I am secretly a very forgiving person, almost Christ-like in the depth of my compassion? Nearly surgical in the precision of my dissections?

Wurzelbacher goes after Megyn Kelly for calling him racist for reproducing Kevin Jackson's wondrous journalistic crap with this pithy bitch slap:

So where is the racism? The way I got it figured, is since I’m a “white” guy and you labeled me a racist for publishing his article, Seems to me you could be implying that Kevin is an Uncle Tom? See what I did there Kelly? I didn’t mean it, just making a point.
Hmm.  Maybe I'd best put myself on a closer watch.  A shorter leash?  Hire an editor?  Consider a sabbatical?  Have my knees removed in an effort to cure the automatic jerk?  Cook a large pot of red beans and rice, liberally peppered with serranos?

Mostly, I think I'll revert to my high fever coma strategy from last week so that when I wake, the sparkling clarity of this country's political purposes can wash me clean of all sin.

Cute Innocent Lamb Photo

© 2013 L. Ryan

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