Friday, October 3, 2014

With Apologies to Jonathan Swift

My brain is not always lame.  Still, I've no recollection of writing this but found it posted under my atrocious Facebook moniker.  Facebook is, itself, atrocious.  I find myself dyspeptic and bilious within minutes of reading through the memes and appropriated mental pablum that piles up there. Had not checked in for several days, and, really, were it not so enmeshed in the rest of the interwebs, and were some of my "friends" not addicted to it, I'd save myself further gastrointestinal distress by firebombing the joint on my way out the back door.

Anyway, on 20 September, I jauntily opined this, and probably followed it up with a demand that people post it on their timelines as proof that they really, really cared about me ("and I already know who won't do it, ya worthless pieces o'poo!"):

CHANNELING JONATHAN SWIFT: I know President Obama follows my timeline closely, as well as Chuck Hagel and the Joint Chiefs. So here's a Modest Proposal, to toss in the policy pressure cooker, Die Anführer:

I concur with the President that we should not [further] sully our pristine hands by aligning the US in *any* way with al-Assad, except through our always precise perception of which "rebel group" of "freedom fighters" truly have the average Syrian's well-being at heart -- and into whose trustworthy, well-trained hands we should deposit many, many weapons, defensive as well as offensive. However... The duly elected President of Syria has proven acumen in counterterroristic submoral militarism that could be exploited to everyone's advantage. He has shown prodigious talent at surgically targeting select populations for termination by gassing, and, even better, a passable plausible deniability in the aftermath. This technique, born of pest control, and which recalls the [never again] money-and-time-saving efficiencies of the Third Reich, would have minimal collateral damages, would secretly thrill the most conservative wings of the western political continuum, and would further cement al-Assad's reputation among his regional compatriots. And there'd be a shitload of dead ISIS / ISIL combattants, including some Brits, "Americans," Canadians, Aussies, and other radicalized wasted youths from beyond the Middle East region.

This entry garnered no "likes" or "LOL"s from the Facebook crowd.

I do have, of course, other equally compelling military and pseudo-diplomatic strategies to share with leaders of the Free World, but heard a rumor this evening about the Turkish army joining the confusion of alliances, and that, my "friends," that will change... everything. I would look for a Syrian regime change in short and overwhelming order.  Maybe I was hallucinating?  If the world is still that to which my eyes open tomorrow, then tomorrow will be soon enough to discover whether I dreamt that development or whether... sigh.  Good night, all.

© 2013 L. Ryan

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