Friday, September 25, 2009

Glenn Beck

It's getting very ugly out there, which goes a long way in explaining why I am in here, safely ensconced in Marlinspike Hall, deep, deep in the Tête de Hergé. The barracuda are back in The Moat, and the drawbridge is up.

Uncle Kitty Big Balls is patrolling the perimeter; Marmy is sporting a lovely pink -- kind of a '50s retro style -- kevlar helmit; Sam-I-Am was last seen burrowing under the layers of tapestry surrounding La Bonne et Belle Bianca Castafiore's gigantic platform bed, an excellent replica of François le Premier's renaissance digs; Dobby, ever stalwart, stares Evil straight in the eye, his breast bare -- oh, don't worry, I will protect The Dobster, who knows only good intentions, having known only us.

Sammy, too, since his tail is sticking out from under the bed curtains, making him another easy target. The Castafiore has been on a binge since criticizing doctortainer Phil McGraw and his minions -- she's terrified that he'll come after her "like a hound dog's white rice."

[Bianca gets her homely homilies mixed up sometimes. She keeps yelling at me, for instance, that "That Dick Cheney won't hunt!" and demanding to know if someone has written "stupendous" on her forehead.]

Anyway, at least I know where she is -- I've only to follow the snores. It's something of a ludicrous vision, as she is still wearing her costume from last night's operatic presentation of... well, you know. I've moved the damn miroir out of harm's way, should there be an invasion. And she thinks I don't care...

I know, I know, she's at least a warm body, and is, at heart, a Person of Quality -- but I am still recovering from her "help" during Spring Cleaning.

I'm afraid for Fred. He once took on Bill O'Reilly, and was acquiting himself quite well, when that coward tagteamed him with the corpulent Limbaugh. We're still paying on that emergency room bill. Fred is out shopping (If it's Friday, it must be bouillabaisse!), but phoned an hour ago with reconnaisance reports on Sean Hannity and Michael Savage, who were both attempting to hide behind some mammoth fennel bulbs. Fred will sneak back into Marlinspike Hall via secret passsageway, once he gets hold of some turbot.

I can't hold off The Intruders all by my lonesome!

How did it reach this point? How ever did it get this bad?

Back in the Good Old Days -- that would be July, in case you've forgotten -- Glenn Beck saw that it was the right time, according to his basal temperature chart, to fertilize the airways. I think that was when we first spotted Salem Radio Network executives chasing The Four Local Infidels across our scale replica of Wimbledon courts 1-19 (plus Centre Court). Who could forget?

Fast-forward almost two months, to Katie Couric's recent interview for further indepth explanation of the intricacies of race relations in America, beginning with the definition of "White Culture":

I didn't know George Bush' grandmother was "a typical African-American woman." I know a few million people who will be mighty suh-prized.

It's tempting to name Glenn Beck a "tool," and move on. At least once a day, more if I'm feeling adventurous, I toy with that dividing line between what is funny or pathetic, and what scares me to death.

But there isn't time to luxuriate in scoffs and derision; There's not even a spare moment for a self-satisfied smirk. We cannot dismiss this unreasoned hatred, and we've few laurels on which to rest. Notice that I have lapsed into "we"-speech, ever hopeful.

The future I had hoped to enjoy is become dependent on the constant deflection of negativity -- no matter that it is fuelled by ignorance, no matter how ludicrous its provenance.

GlennBeck has announced that Cass Sunstein, Mark Lloyd, and Carol Browner are his next targets and asked his followers to dig up all the dirt they can on them.

Cass Sunstein heads the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs. He’s a legal scholar, particularly in the fields of constitutional law, administrative law, environmental law, and law and behavioral economics.

Mark Lloyd is the associate general counsel and Chief Diversity Officer at the Federal Communications Commission. Previously, he served as Vice President for Strategic Initiatives at the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights.

Carol Browner is Assistant to the President for Energy and Climate Change in the Obama Administration. Browner previously served as Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency during the Clinton Administration in the United States.

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